NaNorWriMo 2009: The Oneironauts Part 2

Continued from Part 1 due to lame file size limitations.





         And sure enough the men looked to the left to see two more people walking in the same direction towards the mountains. One was a tall, thick man with a large axe strapped to his back. The other was a small woman in a silk cloak. Interestingly though, these two walked a good distance apart, apparently not associated with each other in any way. That made five separate parties all traveling in the same direction at nearly the same time.

         “Honestly, that last lick of black mooch I took wasn’t the wrong bottle or something, cuz I’m feeling mighty much like I’m dreaming right now and I think some paranoia is setting in.” Nivek dug in his cloak to pull out the black liquid that he verified indeed was black mooch, and then sucked the cork again for good measure.

         “Look!” said Eliot, “Behind us too!” They spun around to see another lone figure approaching in the distance. It appeared to be another man. With this new presence they all suddenly felt compelled to start walking forward, as if waiting too long would be like waiting for disaster to strike. The three now traveled in complete paranoia, saying nothing, but constantly swinging their heads left, right, back, forward, and even up, who knew if another orange would fall any minute.

         “That man you saw,” asked Nivek, “didn’t you say he was going to slay the dragon in Alcatant?”

         “Yeah, he did,” said Eliot, a pause, “you think?”

         “There is no way,” said Lorelai.

         Nivek looked around again. “I’ve gotta ask. I’ve gotta know.”

         “There is no way,” she repeated.

         “Nope. I’m checking. Not that one,” he said of the thick one with the axe, “I guess my best bet is that woman not far behind him. Okay, I’m going.”

         “Should you go alone?” asked Lorelai.

         “No, no, I’ll be fine. I’m wierded out of my mind but something tells me I’ll be safe enough. Besides, I’m not as helpless as you think.” Nivek walked taller and stiffer then usual, clearly on edge. His mouth was a flat line, and his eyes darted side to side, expecting, waiting, for something unusual to happen. His left eye twitched a little bit. Nivek left the road and was soon walking through the grass. He passed several cows and made certain to walk in a womewhat left-swinging loop so as to reach his destination while maintaining the greatest possible distance between himself and the man with the axe.

         Lorelai and Eliot walked forward in small steps, watching the oneironaut closely. Eliot turned to the right and stared at the man slashing all of the cows. Bloody swipe after bloody stab after bloody swipe. He found watching the process to be mesmerizing. The repetitive violent motion. The artful sword work. It was like a dance.

         “Look,” said lorelai, “He’s talking to her.” Indeed he was, and this time the woman didn’t run from him. She seemed to be talking willingly, moving her arms a little bit. Nivek nodded to her and turned away, coming back.

         SSCCFFWWAAAAAM.

         A dense object hurtled from the sky and crashed a few yards away, just off the road. Eliot and Lorelai yelled in surprise. Nivek froze, and then hurried back in a comical shuffle. Lorelai was immediately searching for the object. Embedded into the dirt and grass was a heavy iron kettle. One side was smashed in from the fall. She picked it up and ran her hands over its metal surface. Eliot walked over and poked it, looking up at the sky. They said nothing but muttered expressions of incredulity, like “What the hell?”, and “By the maker…”

         Nivek arrived and was a little more vocal, “Bloody shitcakes! There more oranges falling from the sky?”

         “No fruit. Large kettle. Dangerous,” said Lorelai.

         “Wonderful! I hope you can cure death Eliot, because any minute now a bloody horse is going to fall on my head.” After saying that he looked up at the sky, half-expecting it to happen out of some divine irony.

         “Let’s just pray against it,” said Eliot.

         “What did she say?” asked Lorelai, throwing the kettle down on the ground with a clang.

         “Unfortunately, yes,” Nivek said while scanning the horizon, “She said that she was indeed on a quest to skay the dragon in Alcatant, and that these other people were almost certainly on the same quest. She even said it’s likely there are much of them than this.”

         “I cannot believe it,” said Lorelai.

         “Believe it,” said Nivek.

         “But where did they all come from?” said Eliot.

         “From Zeraia, like us. Don’t ya see, little Eliot, when you’re not wrapped up in your cozy castle life and you have to live in the real Zeraia, that place is total shit. That’s the only reason I can possibly think of that would motivate so many people to go hunt a mythical creature a hundred miles away that even if it were alive would likely slaughter them.”

         “Well then, we have the competition now,” said Lorelai.

         “The race is on,” said Nivek.

         “Four more!” pointed out Eliot, they had emerged far behind the cow-slayer on the right.

         “Hmmph,” was Nivek’s response.

         “Go, quickly,” said Lorelai, “He catch us.” They jumped to it, walking at a faster rate than ever before. The other figure that had been walking along the road in the distance had closed in when they stopped to examine the kettle and talk to the woman. The last thing they wanted to do was walk with or behind one of these mysterious travelers. Whether that was because it would be dangerous or awkward was ambiguous.

         Their nervous gait continued for several hours. In the mean time unidentifiable objects continued to plummet from the sky in the distance. At first it was once every ten or fifteen minutes, but soon there was a watermelon or wagon wheel splintering against the ground every five minutes. Eliot and Nivek pulled their cloaks over their heads, as if not seeing the sky was some sort of defense against the deadly debris that it vomited.





Chapter 4



After a nerve-racking and limb-wearying day the trio arrived at a small farmhouse, thankfully a good ways ahead of the league of other adventurers soon to pass through. The farm had a nice charm to it. The house was a humble barn board and so was the small shed. Pens in the back hosted chickens and pigs. Two-headed llamas lived in a caged area next to the shed. A ways into the fields a long building could be seen, likely the barn housing the horses and feed. Clearly most of the cattle they had passed belonged to this family. As well as most of the cattle that the mysterious man had been slaughtering.

         “We have to knock,” said Nivek, “There’s no way in hell I’m sleeping outside with all these creepers sneaking around killing stuff, not to mention I might get killed by a falling vegetable.”

         “Fine,” said Lorelai, “You are right. I will knock.” They walked up to the door of the home and Lorelai reached out to tap on the wood. Eliot meanwhile was attempting to brush dust off his fine cloathing. Nivek reached out and grabbed Eliot’s wrist, irritated with his presumptive obsession with cleanliness.

         “You’re not royal anymore,” said Nivek, “You’re supposed to look like shit.”

         Then the door opened and a morose young man in his late twenties opened up. He was a square shaped man, rugged looking, a man of the earth. He surveyed the three travelers, eyes lingering on Lorelai, and said, “What’s yall’s business in these parts?”

         “We travel to Alcatant,” said Lorelai, “We need place to sleep away from shit in sky.”

         He nodded his head. “Ayuh. We been having troubles of our own with that garbage. Looks mighty like the world’s gonna end pretty soon. Way shits fallin like that.”

         “Can we stay?” asked Nivek.

         “Well,” said the farmer, “not that I’m not a gen’rous man to trav’lers through these parts, but since there seem to be others,” he pointed to the people approaching in the distance, “and yall gonna get killed out there if ya don’t come in. And I s’pose since its three of ya’s, Imagunnahafta charge.”

         Nivek and Lorelai were clearly less happy now, sensing some craftiness here. “How much?” said Lorelai.

         “Well… I be thinkin in the range of eighteen gold coins. That’s six each. Fair enough. And my wife will cook dinner and breakfast for ya.”

         The price was in fact beyond exorbitant, as it was custom for travelers to be taken in for no charge at all. Knowing that such a sum could buy food for the three of them for a full week, Eliot passed the money to Nivek who handed it to the farmer with a sour face.

         The farmer smiled, examining the coins and filling his pockets. “Name’s Elron folks. Come on in and get out of the rain,” he chuckled as he led his new guests into his home. The interior was very simple. “We’re of course a humble pair, so we don’t have no room for each of you, but I s’pect one room’s plenty good for hearty trav’lers like you folks.” He led them to a small room on the second floor. It had a single bed and dresser. There was one window on the side and a slanted ceiling. Everything was wood and smelt of grain and dust. It was somewhat warm though, from the fire in the hearth downstairs, and the smell of a cooking stew downstairs was more than pleasant. “Make yerselves at home. Feel free to come down and chat with me and the wife if you want. Share some a yer tales of adventure, hehe. An if you don’t, I’m sure she’ll be a-wantin to come up and say hi to her guests anyways.” He stepped through the doorway to leave, “And dinner bell will be in an hour. Our table’s plenty big enough.” With that Elron disappeared and creaked his way down the wooden stairs to go show his wife the small fortune he just made off of the suckers caught out in the falling shit.

         The three stood around in the small room, clearly unhappy with the situation. Nivek pointed at the ceiling, “Look.” In two different places it was covered over with fresh boards. On the area of floor corresponding to those spots on the ceiling there were clear dents, even some splintered wood in one. Eliot sighed, sitting on the bed.

         “The bed is mine,” said Lorelai.

         Eliot leapt to his feet and stepped away from the fur covered wool mattress.

         “Hey, hey,” said Nivek, “you don’t have to do what she says like that. She doesn’t deserve the bed any more than any of us.”

         “I’m a lady.”

         “You’re a lesbian. What do you care if I slept in the bed with you? Think you’ll catch coodies or something?”

         “I do not know coodies. But no. You are dirty, and I called the bed, it is mine.”

         “You’re not exactly sparkly clean after walking for a week either. We need to work as a team.”

         “This is not a discussion. The bed is mine.” Lorelai then removed her sword and sheath from her back and tossed them on the bed. She met Nivek with cold, burning eyes. He just grumbled and sat down against the wall. Angry, but outmatched. Eliot sat down the same, not angry though, just worried.

         Nivek spoke, “Now woman. You better be on your best behavior. There’s a woman down there who is this man’s wife. Now, he’s not ugly, and he’s still young, so I assume that his wife is likely an attractive woman as well. That means you, need to keep your goddamn mouth shut. No sexual comments to her, Elron, me, or Eliot. No one wants to hear it, and if you make a scene of it the guys gonna throw us out in a minute. Think the devil’s in you or something.”

         “Nivek,” said Lorelai, “if you preach to me one more time, you worthless drunk, I will end you. I will slice your balls, stab your eyes, cut your tongue and slit your throat. So shut up.”

         “Screw you,” said Nivek.

         Eliot sat silent in the corner, eyes on the ceiling. “Maybe god will send us an extra bed next,” he said. “Or a magic elixir of peaceful companionship.”

         “Shut up,” they said.

         He shut up, then rose to his feet and left down the creaky stairs. Eliot and Lorelai could hear chatter down below, and laughter. They sat silent in their spots, unmoving, refusing to look at the other. Nivek took more black mooch. Two sucks of the cork this time. Lorelai slid her sword in-and-out, in-and-out of its sheath.

         The situation maintained this equilibrium for the rest of the hour. Then a sweet woman’s voice called through the house, “Dinner!” They grumbled and rose to their feet. Nivek motioned sarcastically for the woman to go out the door first.

         Once downstairs the pair joined the other three sitting at a table in a dining room. All eyes went straight to the woman sitting at the end of the table, locked in place, and not moving. Nivek flattened his mouth and rolled his eyes in misery. She wasn’t just attractive, she was trophy quality. Her cleavage burst out of her corset, blonde locks sparkled in the candlelight. This was the absolute worst case imaginable.

         “My, my,” said Lorelai, and Nivek cringed, “what a healthy, pretty girl.” Lorelai seated herself right at the woman’s side. Elron sat opposite his wife at the other side of the table. He smiled at the complement to his wife. Eliot and Nivek sat at opposite sides of the middle of the table. They shared a glance, each knowing exactly the misfortune that was about to befall them.

         “You fill your dress out nicely,” said Lorelai.

         The woman blushed and said thank you. Because the comments were coming from a foreign woman Elron still smiled, taking it in as a compliment to himself for his possession of such a spouse. The dinner commenced. Boiled beef and potatoes in broth was the course, with bread on the side. A fine meal for travelers, accustomed to the jerky, stale bread, and dirty water that they consumed.

         “My name is Lorelai,” said the warrior, smiling wide.

         “My name is Dorothea, a pleasure to meet you.”

          A lecherous smile met with a meek, uncertain one.

         Nivek slurped with every spoonful and chewed his meat with an open mouth. Eliot frowned at him, eating the meal with slow precision.

         “So,” said Nivek, “How far does your land go?”

         Elron said, “Well, I own the land as far as you can see from this spot. I got meself seven miles in either direction. Land staked out long ago by my grandfather. Ya know a great was fought right here in this very spot a hundred years ago?”

         “I’ve heard of that war,” said Eliot.

         On the other side of the table a different situation was progressing.

         Out of the corner of his eye Nivek witnessed Lorelai looking at Dorothea while she slowly licked her spoon. He nudged her in the ribs and his effort was met with a fierce glare.

         “I am from Aissura,” Lorelai said to the lady. “It is beautiful, rugged place. Full of raw nature.”

         “Oh, it sounds nice. I would very much like to travel.”

         “Yes, yes, you go there. You would like very much.”

         She nodded in agreement, still feeling very uncertain about her guest.

         Returning to the other end of the table, Elron was telling the story of the great war that took place on his fields.

         “… The Jesticians were mighty angry that those Teogians had been so presumptuous and insulting, so they sent a messenger over to work out some kind of apology. But then the story goes that that there messenger was mugged somehow and killed, and the Jesticians thought the Teogians had killed him, and they were furious. Mighty furious. So they sent a second messenger with a guard and demanded that the two kings parlay in the fields between their two cities. And that would be right on this here spot, in this very farm…”

         Lorelai then leaned across the table while saying, “Oh, look at that, let me get that for you…” and she used her finger to wipe a tiny bit of broth from beneath Dorothea’s lip. The wife just sat completely still, eyes open wide.

         “Is…” said Dorothea, “Is that something customary in your country?”

         “Yes, yes,” said Lorelai, “But only for people you really like.” A mischievous smile.

         “Oh… how kind…”

         “…Then they met back up again at this very spot, but this time with massive armies behind them. Thousands and thousands of men, ready to defend their people’s honor. There were even a few wizards involved…”

         “You have nice fields,” said Lorelai.

         “Oh, thank you, my husband is very proud of our land here. It’s been passed down through the family.”

         “Yes. Nice land. Do you ever go lay in field naked? Look at stars? Feel one with Earth? These are good fields for that.”

         “Ummm, no,” she chirped a laugh, “Can’t say I have. Not… without clothing.”

         “Shame, shame. It is good natural feeling. Beautiful.”

         “Oh. Perhaps.”

         “… Then the Jestician king pull’t out his great sword and cut swung it with mighty strength, cut down three men at once. He charged through the chaos swinging his sword, an his wizard foller’d him castin spells an stuff. Shields and fire and lighting. Finally he found the Teogian king an his wizard in the fray and they locked eyes…”

         Lorelai fixed her armor and adjusted her breasts, still smiling at Dorothea, who was now not smiling at all, but eating with dire concentration, staring straight forward at nothing but the food and ceiling.

         “… The king’s were a-fightin each other, clashin steel an stuff, real intense, but they weren’t really fightin. Cuz it was really the wizards doin all the work, shieldin, and casting spells, and counter spells, and then other wizards joined in and suddenly there was this huge stalemate of magical energy, light flashin everywhere…”

         Dorothea was leaning forward to take a bite of her stew when suddenly her back shot straight and she dropped her spoon, freezing like a statue. Lorelai was pretending not to notice, looking off nonchalantly over Eliot’s head. Her left hand was under the table, resting on Dorothea’s thigh.

         Lorelai gave a little squeeze.

         Dorothea immediately stood up, and said shakely, “Elron, dear, would you meet me in the kitchen.”

         “… And BAM! A mighty huge explosion from the magics collidin, and all the sudden every last soldier on the field was…”

         “Honey?”

         “… turned into a cow! The very ones that’r on my fields to this day! Hee hee!”

         “Elron. Please.”

         “Oh, yes, sorry boys, just a minute.” Elron stood up and walked with his wife out of the room.

         Nivek slowly rotated his neck around to his left. His face was in such a scowl that it looked as if the expression would leave permanent creases in his face.

         “What?” said Lorelai.

         “You dirty wench!” hissed Nivek.

         “What! How dare you. You – you  just jealous that I make move on sexy woman. You want her too.”

         “Bah! She’s this man’s wife! You’re insane!”

         “Cows?” said Eliot, “Did they really turn into cows? Those cows?”

         “Gah!” said Nivek. He drew the green swirling vial from his pocket, and dripped some of the liquid into his glass of milk. The milk bubbled a little bit and brown swirls rose through it.

         Lorelai said, “Razcha now? And I have problems! And in milk…” she said with detest, “disgusting.”

         Nivek said no more. He downed his milk, then swished some broth in his mouth and spit it back in the cup in order to remove some of the flavor.

         Eliot responded with disgust, “Uh…”

         Raised voices could be heard from the kitchen. Eliot finished his meal as fast as he could. Lorelai sat casually, not realizing what was about to happen.

         Nivek, on the other hand, knew exactly what would happen from the start. He sat morosely allowing the drug to take effect. He was done with the world for the day. He was done with people. He hated people. They were foolish, disgusting, irrational, and self-serving. He would have no more of it. Delusion and dreams were better. Always better.

         Elron stormed into the room. “You stay away from my wife ya hear? I don’t care if you’re some foreign type, I want you out. Now. All of ya’s. Get the darned hell out of my home. An I ain’t given you no money back. Get out!”

         Nivek sat like a ragdoll. He gave no sign that he had even heard. Lorelai rose to her feet immediately. “Intolerant man! I am same as everyone else. I think you’re wife is beautiful. There is no wrong! I have right as much as anyone else…”

         “Out! I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman or, a… a thing, it, thing, monster, thing, demon, beast… Get out!”

         Eliot was already out the door. Lorelai spit on the table and turned around yanking on Nivek’s shoulder.

         Nivek rose, grumbling and stumbling. With a hand on his cloak she pulled him up to the door and shoved him through.

         “I get my things,” said Lorelai. She stormed up the stairs.

         “Make it fast!” said Elron, steaming.

         Eliot and Nivek stood outside in the dark. Nivek, in the height of his razcha stupor swayed back and forth. He pulled his hood over his head. Eliot stared at him confused.

         “And what in heaven’s name happened to you?” said Eliot. He threw his hands in the air, “Cow-people, lesbians and green drugs! Madness!”

         WAPPRROW! An object crashed into the ground beside the house. Eliot walked over to examine the scene. It was a very large book, now muddied with bent covers and several pages thrown out across the dirt. “And flying literature!” he cried.

         Lorelai burst through the door of the house cursing in Aissuran.

         “And stay out!” yelled Elron as he slammed the door.

         Nivek sat down right where he was, “Bloody shitcakes!” he yelled.

         “Get up you druggy old man!” said Lorelai, “We go now.”

         Eliot rushed up beside her, “Wait, Lorelai! Where will we sleep? Don’t we need to sleep? We’ll die if we walk all night. What will we…”

         “Shut up!”

         He shut up.

         “Nivek! Now!”

         “Gah!” was his response. He started walking, and joined them, but he slowed their pace considerably.

         “Now! Faster!” She walked behind Nivek and shoved him, yelling, but Nivek nearly fell down, having lost almost all of his balance from the drug.

         “Look,” said Eliot, “We just have to sleep, we can’t keep walking with…”

         “Shut up! You fools!”

         Nivek slurred, “No rage quitting…”

         “Hmph!”

         Lorelai gave Nivek a final shove and then gave up, and stopped walking. The night was cold. The stars shown with strength and the moon lit the road. An ocean of fields stretched out around them. Eliot led Nivek off the path and sat him down in the grass. He then stood waiting for Lorelai to make a decision.

         “Fine,” she said, “We rest here. Leave early.”

         “Good.”

         They set down furs in the grass beside the road. They were barely a hundred meters from the house. Hopefully Elron wouldn’t find them in the morning. An even better reason to leave at dawn.

         A tall hooded man in a black cloak then passed by them without saying a word. They all followed him with their heads, feeling a supreme uneasiness about the whole situation. An object could be seen plummeting to the earth in the distance.

         Nivek was sleeping almost immediately. His intentional ignorance of the world now serving him well. Eliot and Lorelai however, lay with watchful eyes, finding it difficult to open themselves to the dangers of the night. Eventually, however, sleep wrapped its warm self around all, drowning consciousness in its calm, restful silence.

         



Chapter 5



They rose early the next morning, avoiding all confrontation with Elron or Dorothea. Thankfully no one was stabbed or crushed in the night. A coconut, however, was found only a few feet from Eliot’s bed, which was worrying at the least.

         Much of the day was spent watching the sky while they marched. Objects seemed to be falling more frequently now. No matter where someone looked something could be seen plummeting through the sky at some distance. Eliot attempted to cast a spell on everyone’s heads that would strengthen the skull a little bit, however he admitted that his ability to cast strengthening auras was weak and that it would likely do nothing against a dense rock or metal object. Lorelai now wore her war helmet all the time.

         No discussion was posed as to the previous night. That was pretty much taboo amongst the three. Clouds could be seen in the distance and they discussed a possibility of a storm. The idea of rain was particularly worrying because it would make it incredibly difficult to see if there was a chair about to crush you from above. This same reasoning made them want to find shelter before nightfall. The ground they walked was now littered with many random objects. Everything from splattered cows and cats that had died on impact, and full tables. Some objects were small, like knives and forks and watches, others were immense like carriages or trees. It was clear that nowhere in the open would be completely safe. Their watchfulness had saved each of their lives at least once that day. It had created a constant paranoia.

         In the worst case scenario, Eliot had suggested, if they could find no shelter, there should at least be enough crap lying around to build something with it. They all agreed to this idea, however still keeping hopes high for another farm. This land here appeared as though it used to be intended for cattle, however all of the cows had migrated back nearer Elron’s house. It had become clear to the creatures that falling derby was a rather large threat the further in this direction they traveled. One cow however, perhaps a particularly dumb one, was eating grass not far from the road. Eliot deviated from the path to approach the cow.

         “Eliot, there is no time for this silliness,” said Lorelai.

         But he continued walking to the cow, and when there he said to it, “So, cow, are you really a soldier from that battle a hundred years ago?”

         The cow chewed on the grass, looking up at Eliot, and deciding he wasn’t a threat of any kind. It chewed some more.

         “You know, cow, you’re probably going to get killed by something if you hang out here. You should probably go back to your other Brahman friends.”

         “I thought you hated animals,” said Nivek.

         “I don’t hate animals.”

         “Then what was with the thirty-something cats you killed the other day?”

         “Well, I… not because…”

         The cow started walking away.

         “No, wait cow! No, wait, are you going back in that direction? Yes? You listened? Look I think the cow listened.”

         “No,” said Nivek, “That animal is dumb. Elron was an idiot. The story was fake. And that cow is trying to get away from you because you kill cats.”

         The matter rested and the journey continued from there. They walked the road, stepping around and over various items. They took turns with sky watching duty. The person in the middle of the group was always the sky watcher so that the other two could guide them through the debris on the ground.

         The other travelers could be seen in all directions. There were dozens of them and perhaps hundreds more on the road ahead and behind. Lorelai was angry that there were any in front. They needed to get there first. No other could take their purpose from them. The dragon would be their’s. Although Eliot wasn’t on the same quest, he merely was going to Alcatant. The problem of dealing with a dragon held no appeal to him, although he agreed that the resulting reward was quite enticing.

                   They traveled all day in that way. The world looked post-apocalyptic. Junk scattered about, stretching for miles in every direction. The sky was blue, but ahead of them, perfectly centered with the road, was a looming gray cloud, dark and menacing. Lightning flashed within it. The storm seemed to be hovering there, on the horizon, it grew larger as they approached yet it did not move itself. Strange, considering that there was in fact a strong breeze. Just before nightfall Nivek spotted what they needed, a giant sheet of metal protruding from the ground, conveniently shat from the sky, just for them.

         There was just enough room to take refuge there for the night. They all scrunched close, curling their legs up close out of the paranoia that a log will fall from the sky and crush them. The shelter served well in the night, protecting them several times from deadly projectiles. However, there was a down side. When the metal was struck it rang with an ungodly noise, waking all three up and leaving a buzzing in their ears. Needless to say, the adventurers slept poorly that night, but they did indeed come out alive.

         The next morning the cloud loitered still. It hadn’t moved a bit, and was no bigger.

         “I don’t trust that storm,” said Nivek, “Somethin ain’t right about it.”

         “I agree,” said Lorelai, “But we have no choice. We go that way.”

         “We could go around,” suggested Eliot.

         “Stupid boy, then we not get there first.”

         “Well not if they all get killed by some demon or something in that storm,” said Eliot.

         “Hmmph.” Lorelai was not to be argued with. Eliot resigned.

         The further they walked, the more junk lay on the ground. In some places it had even begun to pile on top of itself. Travel speed was significantly reduced.

         A rhythmic thud-crunch-rattle sound grew in the distance behind them.

         “What?” said Nivek.

         A shape began to emerge. A blur. A man. A very large man. A normal sized man in bulky armor. A man in bulky armor that sparkled in the sun rattled with every bounding step. The man ran along the road, leading over and crunching the debris under foot. He grew closer and closer. It was Eliot’s turn to be sky-watcher, but he couldn’t help stealing glances at the approaching gaudy figure. Lorelai snapped at him to not take his eyes away, lest they all be crushed by a cow.

         “Ho, travelers!” Called the armored man in a voice bursting with masculinity. He wore a sword and shield on his back and matching helmet on his head with a visor turned up. Beneath was a masculine face with a heroic chin. He grinned with pride and confidence. “And you, fair lady! A pleasure,” he said once he had fully approached the trio.

         He breathed like someone who had just jogged to catch a leaving carriage, not nearly panting as hard as he should have been after running with so much weight.

         “What do you want?” said Lorelai with bite.

         “Feisty I see! I am just stopping to chat with fellow travelers, that is all. Can’t a man be friendly?”

         “No,” said Nivek, “I am a misanthrope.” This stranger particularly grated at the potion master’s nerves.

         “Oh! Well then.” He cleared his throat, unsure how to respond. “Well, I assume you are off to slay the dragon then?”

         “Yes. We will slay it and claim glory,” said Lorelai.

         He laughed heartily. “Ho! Allow me to tell you now that there is no need. My name is Sir Rodrick and I am a level seventy paladin. I eat dragons for breakfast.”

         “Go screw yourself.”

         He scoffed. “What manners! Fine then. We shall not be friends but mortal enemies. The dragon is already mine. Have fun slaying dirt. Hiya!”

         And with that he ran off, crunching again through the trinkets and splintered wood and splattered animals. A beehive, empty unfortunately, plummeted down and ricocheted off Sir Rodrick’s pauldron.

         “I hate people like that,” said Nivek.

         “Well, nice to have some friendly competition then!” said Eliot.

         “Shut up. He is a sexist asshole. If he didn’t run so fast I would gut him.”

         “Seemed like he just wanted to be…” Eliot trailed off as he noticed the heavy-breathing stare of the warrior. “Yes, I’ll just shut up now. Don’t mind me.”

         “Watch the sky, Eliot,” said Nivek.

         They marched forward once again. Lorelai forced them to walk faster now. The two men found her even more disagreeable than before. She growled and barked commands, took heavy steps, aiming for whatever was the most crushable, things that would shatter or crunch, satisfying sounds.

         By about two o’clock that afternoon the clouds were almost upon them. Standing on the side of the road on top of a hill was a an old man in a cloak. He stood atop a large pile of junk, searching the horizon for travelers.

         When the three adventurers approached he smiled and said, “Welcome to the great wizard’s strike. If you step up this hill here you’ll get a better idea of what’s going on. And, if you don’t mind, I’ll cast a spell on you.”

         Lorelai halted the party. “Spells? Why should I trust you?”

         “Oh no, no need to worry,” said the wizard, “I am only here to help you. You notice all of the objects falling from the sky?”

         “Yes.”

         “Well, they are actually quite dangerous, and so as that our strike does not cause harm \to travelers it is my job to cast a ward on travelers so that they are not crushed.”

         “Oh, well that sounds pretty good,” said Eliot, “I’d rather not be crushed.”

         “Come, come,” said the man, “just step up this hill here and I’ll explain everything. It will make much more sense if you can see.”

         Lorelai accepted and they trudged up to the top of the hill. The sight before them was more than less than expected. Eight wizards stood on top of pedestals, swirling in magical energy. Their robes flapped in flurries of wind, light debris spun around and lights flashed. They waved their arms in intricate patterns at the sky. Random objects of a grand variety plummeted to the ground, some deflecting off of wards around the wizards. The objects piled up on the ground – mounds of things, turning the landscape into an eclectic junkyard. The dark, swirling cloud that they had been approaching for so many days was in fact the byproduct of this magical orgy.

         The three gasped at the sight. Energy crackled in the air. And an of an even greater shock was the ten foot wall of junk behind the mages. It was a labyrinth, walls after walls, twisting, turning for miles. There was a single opening led to by the road, and it appeared that this entrance was the only way to reach the mountains beyond.

         “Well, as you can see this magic circle here has been in progress for several days. A massive amount of material has been manifested by these magi.”

         “But why? What is the reason of this?” said Nivek.

         “Well, two weeks ago the town of town of Hagdenberg passed new environmental laws, and these laws forced the wizards to shut down their manufacturing plant for violations. This of course made the wizards very angry, now out of work, you see, and so the wizard’s union has organized a strike.”

         “Environmental laws? Manufacturing plant? What on earth did they manufacture? And a strike? This? This still makes no sense to me,” said Nivek.

         “I’m sorry, I’ll explain further. You see, it’s all because of this new global warming scare. Everyone thinks that the overuse of magic in the creation of material objects, for business reasons in particular, is severly detrimental to the planet’s atmosphere, thus allowing more sunlight to come through and throwing the current weather patterns down the shitter. Many bad things.

         “Well, just recently, this town, not too far from here you see,” he pointed to their left at some lights in the distance. Indeed, it wasn’t far. “Passed laws to shut down manufacturing plants that were detrimental to the environment. But those government folk were terribly foolish to mess with wizards. They should know that they can’t actually do anything against them when they get angry. Naturally, the wizards decided to prove this point by having eight of them up, switching with others on eight hour shifts, materializing objects in the sky. The wizards know that what they are doing now is even worse for the environment than the manufacturing plant, and because the guard from the city can do nothing against so many wizards, they can’t stop them. Kind of amusing really. Eventually Hagdenberg will have to cave in at the mercy of its own environmentalism, and accept the manufacturing plant as the lesser of two evils.” He chuckled at the irony.

         A beaker shattered on the ground inches from Lorelai. They all jumped.

         “You know, I wouldn’t much mind that ward now myself,” said Eliot, shaken.

         “Certainly,” said the wizard, “All of you then?”

         Nivek and Lorelai shared a look and then both nodded.

         “Acceptable,” said Lorelai.

         “Excellent, here we go,” He closed his eyes, raised his hands in the air, and wiggled his fingers. He chanted in rhythmic, foreign words, rising in intensity. His fingertips glowed. A crackling sound. Then release: a flash. There was no visible effect, but the three could now hear a quiet buzzing in their ears, the sound of the magic at work above their heads.

         “Now, let me test it to make sure…” He tossed a small rock at each person’s head. All three bounced to the ground. “You’re good to go.”

         “Wait, I’m curious,” said Nivek, “What is it that these wizards actually manufacture?”

         “Oh,” he said, “Souvenirs of course. Trinket’s and memorabilia is an excellent business these days.”

         “What?! That’s ridiculous. In fact, this whole thing is a bunch of codswallow. What the bloody hell, right? You’re making shit fall from the sky so you can manufacture trinkets! This is madness!” Nivek made a point to kick some metal thing on the ground. It made a pong sound. “I hate people!” he screamed.

         “Well someone ate a sour grape,” chirped Eliot.

         “This is pointless,” said Nivek, waiving a finger in the wizard’s face.

         “No, it is not,” he said matter-of-factly.

         “Yes, a worthless waste of bloody time.”

         “No, it is a good cause.”

         “Blast! You are idiots!”

         “Shut yourselves!” said Lorelai. “I need to get to mountains. Why is there wall?”

         The wizard huffed, standing tall to reassert himself. “The materialized objects began building up too high for travelers to pass through, so the wizards thought it would be amusing to turn it into a labyrinth. It will take you straight to your mountains, well, not straight exactly. There are many turns. And quite honestly, I don’t know what else is in there. Some of these wizards have a nasty sense of humor.”

         “Indeed,” said Nivek.

         A ragdoll bounced off of the air above Nivek’s head. A sword stuck into the nearby hillside with a twang.

         “Anything else we should know?” asked Lorelai.

         “What? You want more from me? You seem ungrateful enough for the wards I cast on you. That takes a lot of energy you know. Just begone with you please.”

         Lorelai grunted.

         “A pleasure, good sir!” said Eliot, “I really do like souvenirs, so I wish you luck.”

         They passed the wizard while he wore a rather surprised expression at Eliot’s gentility. The three descended the hill down towards the cyclone of energy that was the wizard’s storm.

         “There is, one more thing,” said the wizard. They turned to listen. “Labyrinth’s tend to come with minotaurs in them. I can’t tell you why, but I’m certain the other wizards wouldn’t make a labyrinth without one, so, well, watch yourselves.”

         “Thank you!” called Eliot.

         “Bloody hell,” said Nivek, “Even better.”

         They walked through the center of the eight wizards, who paid them no attention, too focused on their magic to heed travelers. The traveler’s skin tingled with the magical energy. The whole area felt ready to explode, like there was a natural imbalance here from the extreme overuse of magic. A piece of dirty paper blew in Nivek’s face. He ripped it away with hand and threw it to the ground.

         “You know what this is?” He spread his arms, “A shit-storm! That’s what it is! The wizards have made a bloody storm that literally makes it rain shit!”

         Eliot chuckled at that.

         But then he looked up at the menacing, jagged walls of the labyrinth before them, made out of “shit” as Nivek would put it, and Eliot sobered. In fact, the nearer they came to it, the slower he walked.

         “Eliot, walk faster,” said Lorelai, “we must catch that bastard.” She was referring to Sir Rodrick.

         Eliot put up the hood on his cloak. “Umm, well, you know, there might be another way around, I mean that labyrinth looks very dangerous, and there’s a minotaur in there, and we’ll probably get lost. Probably be even faster to go around, you know, maybe I should go ask…”

         “No. Come. Now.” Lorelai placed a powerful grip on his sleeve and dragged him up to the entrance.

         “No! Please, let go. Wait. I didn’t agree to this! I don’t want to die, please, no!”

         “Shut up you little girl,” said Nivek, “Need I drug you?”

         Lorelai, with one final shove, tossed Eliot into the Labyrinth, he yelped and turned around, attempting to leave, but Lorelai and Nivek stood there to follow him in. He opened his mouth in final protest, but closed and began to mope, pulling his cloak far over his head and looking around peevishly at the walls that now held him.

         They all stepped cautiously forward, testing the ground ahead.

         “Ahhhhh!” screamed Eliot, running back to the door.

         “What now you blathering infant?” said Lorelai.

         “Shit,” said Nivek.

         “Oh,” she said.

         The entrance was gone, and in its place another pile of random objects. Eliot scrambled up to it, yanked out ragdolls and boxes and raw meat. But he made no progress and Lorelai pulled him away. “Stop sniveling.”

         “We’re trapped!” he yelped.

         “No,” said Lorelai, “We are in good shape.” She looked at Nivek, “This is why I brought the oneironaut.”





Chapter 6



         Nivek nodded. “Fine. Give me fifteen minutes. I should be able to find a map.”

         Eliot was in somewhat of a daze, “an oneironaut? Yes, of course. That will help, maybe there’s a chance. Maybe I’ll live…”

         “Of course you will live you stupid boy,” said Lorelai.

           “I’m going to need to sleep,” said Nivek, “So I need you two to stand guard over me. I’m trusting you. So don’t let some minotaur run up and eat my head.”

         “Minotaurs eat people?” said Eliot.

         “Shut up,” said Lorelai, “Stand there.”

         Eliot took post at the next turn. Lorelai stood between him and Nivek, who now adjusted his cloak as he lay down on the cold ground. “Fifteen minutes,” he said.

         “No time at all!” chirped Eliot, in a trembling voice.

         Nivek closed his eyes, and in moments disappeared into a dream world.

         The magical storm raged overhead. Winds howled and magical energy crackled through the sky. The labyrinth lay in the dark shadow of the storm, chilling gusts tunneling through its passages. The mix of imbalanced magic, the stormy weather, and the unnatural conglomerate of the labyrinth created a deep feeling of horror within the chests of its residents. Even Lorelai was on edge, feet dug into the ground, sword ready drawn, eyes darting.

         For five minutes there was only tension. Then, something moved out of sight.

         “Eh!” Eliot squeaked, jump back a step, pulling back his bow string.

         “What? What is it? Hold your ground!”

         “I… I can’t see it…” He swung his bow back and forth at every rustle of the wind, then “Ah!” The bow twanged and thwapt into a target. “I got it!”

         “What is it?!” said Lorelai.

         “It’s…” Eliot took a few steps around the corner, “Oh…”

         “What?”

         “A planes cat.”

         “Yag! You are retard!”

         “Hey! It was an easy mistake. We’re both on nerves right now, so, you know, just keep your panties out of a knot.”

         “Do not reference my undergarments, pig!”

         Eliot just grumbled to himself and turned back to his watch.

         Lorelai said, “Hm!” and the waiting continued. Every few seconds some object would crash to the ground, causing them both to jump and turn to the disturbance. It made it impossible to not teeter on one’s edge. Whenever debris landed in the middle of the path a magical magnetism sucked it up into the nearest wall. After fifteen minutes, right on cue, Nivek began to stir.