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Crazy author, red ink is for editors. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Welcome to my twisted world! Take your shoes off and find a place in the grass and I'll take you on a journey to different worlds, worlds where magic runs rampant, flowers can burn, dogs can talk and, in some cases, men wear four foot long cock sheaths. Prepare yourself for the ride of a lifetime. Please keep your mind open and ready for experiences like you have never had before, experiences that will teach you what to do when hunted by evil traitorous warlocks, how to handle dreams that take over life, why you should never trust a stubby winged fairy in a tutu, when it is best to run and where you can find solace when life gets you down. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, prepare to have your mind warped, spun, stretched and flayed. Welcome to my twisted world! *Note: It would probably be best if children did not read this blog!* |
| So I had to study up on the shingles comment. Thanks for the help but I don't have shingles. Shingles is an offshoot of chickenpox. Turns out once you have had chickenpox the virus still lives in your system and can, at a later date, when you are under stress, aged, or your immune system is weak, cause shingles. It is a painful itching disease, though Katie was right, it does start with pain. Wherever the pain is at within a few days you'll end up with a rash or boils. Yep, still hurting, not quite as bad though. It's more sore now than anything, like left over agony. I'm trying really hard to do my 500 words a day.  Maybe I should have tried for 100 words a day first, cause that is about all I'm getting. Blah. I can't even come up with an idea for the daily flash fiction challenge. On the other hand, I've made some really nice stickers the last few days. Going to go read, maybe that will spark something. Jezz |
| Good question. I guess it doesn't really matter when you make a resolution, and maybe this isn't so much a resolution as a goal or a force of my own will. Whatever you want to call it. I will write at least 500 words a day and I will not count babble posted to a blog or forum. Only (what to me is) real writing. If it doesn't contribute to a plot, it doesn't count, period. Ick. I'm nervous already. Wow. Okay, so. I passed my State Board Theory Exam. YaY! I got a 94% and they said that it was one of the highest scores they have ever seen. Super Yay! Now I have to take my practical exam, which is the one that seriously makes me nervous, but it will be a little while before I take it. I have to pay for and schedule the test first, and I have to build my kit, which is no small task. So no worries there for a bit. Friday I have to go to court for a traffic ticket. I've been told my license may be suspended so that is giving me all sorts of panic. The kids missed the bus one day and I took them to school in the farm truck that has no insurance. Also, I wasn't wearing my seat belt. Bam, pulled over. My only other problem at the moment is pain. The last few days it has been on my lower rib cage, front, left side. Today that spot is fine, now the same type of pain lower rib cage, back, right side. Weird, painful, annoying. I was trying to explain it to my husband, he thinks it may be my lung, but it feels more like its on the surface, not inside, if that makes any sense. When I breathe deep it hurts, but that doesn't feel like my lungs either, it feels like the expansion of my ribs maybe is causing the pain. Don't know. If it gets worse I'll go to the doctor. Otherwise, motrin. I watched Breaking Dawn Part 1 this morning. It was good. Kristen Stewart still can't act and Robert's face is still flat. But hey, the baby was cute. Kinda on the same subject, I saw Arena the other day. Kellan Lutz (Emmet) is in it. Awesome movie. Can't remember the name of the movie Taylor Lautner (Jacob) was in but it was good. Anyone else dying for the new season of Game of Thrones to start? Jezz |
| Monday came and went with no sign of me. Oops. Sorry, I had a load of stuff to do yesterday and was hardly home at all. The rest of this week I'll have to spend studying, since I neglected to do that last week. I wish I could just take the test right now and get it over with. The anticipation is horrible. My stomach has been all tied in knots for days. Can't wait for things to settle. But, as soon as I pass the test I have to schedule the next one, which is a practical exam, which means I have to perform in front of someone, so I'm sure I'll be a mess all over again. Ick. I also wish I didn't have to drive so far just to take the test. That's what I get for living in the middle of nowhere. Sheesh. Back to the stupid books. |
| My blog link claims its been 804 days since my last post. Probably, I'm not disputing that. I see that my last post was around my birthday 2009, over two years ago. Awesome. Well, still not writing, though I did just pay for a year membership here, hoping that will help. In the past two years, I haven't really done anything. I went to school for cosmetology. Don't really know how all that started, hair is not something I really care much about. Anyway, i go in like 6 days to take my state board testing. After that I have another test, then a job. So, right this minute, I am avoiding studying. Hee hee. I really miss WDC and all the friends I made here. =( Hope a bunch of you are still here. I don't really have time to go hunting today (kids home soon, grandparents picking them up, going to get new truck). I'm sure I will be around Monday working on my portfolio though. Maybe just being here will ignite some type of remembered passion for writing. One can only hope. My stress levels have skyrocketed since I haven't been able to write. I don't really have an outlet anymore. Though, it could be that not being able to write is actually causing the stress. I don't know. Ally has tried to help me a few times over the past couple of years but it hasn't really helped. Kinda funny how it all worked out. All I ever wanted was a laptop so that I wouldn't be tied down to the desk and as soon as I finally got one, I couldn't force myself to write if my life depended on it. Now, my laptop needs replacing and all I want to do is write, but the inspiration has fled. Guess that is all I have to say at the moment. See you all Monday. Jezz (still kinda lost) |
| I realized what that little bit I posted the other day was. I've been thinking for a long time about rewriting Born of Disease. I just didn't know that's what I was doing. Here's the next bit. It's the part that clued me into what I was doing. My eyes shifted with slow articulation to the floor behind him, where a black haired girl and an identical boy sat watching me. They were deeper in the darkness, surrounded by shadows, but even now I could see the glow of their eyes, as blue as I remembered the sky being. I gasped and took a step forward, my already extended hand reaching out for the innocent children. How did this man come to be in care of them? They should have been with me. They were after all my kind. One step was all it took for the man to growl and point the gun more solidly at me, protecting the young that were not at all like him. I could see them better now. They were identical, two heads full of delicate black curls, that fell halfway down their backs, soft pale flesh, bright pink lips, brilliant blue eyes with elliptical pupils. My eyes shifted back to him. “But…” His face softened as he glanced at the children. “I’ve cared for them since they were babies. I’ve protected them and kept them safe. I won’t let you hurt them now.” The insult hit me like a hand across the face. I took a step back, trying to figure out why he would think I, of all people, would hurt the precious little children. When things had fallen apart, when the world exploded in on itself, wasn’t it I who gathered them to me and protected them with my very life? Wasn’t I the one who housed and fed and educated three thousand children? “I don’t think you understand.” My voice was shrill, I knew. How could he think such things of me? |
| So... The curse lives on. My brother-in-law broke his hand the other day. Sucks. He did it on our brand new wood splitter. Something about the wood being hung up and when he tried to get it out the springs released and crushed his hand between the wood and the thing you set it on. Then, that night, Friday, I called my parents to check on them. They were supposed to be on their way home from Florida and I hadn't heard from them. Here's the conversation: Dad: Hello. Me: Hey, Dad. Where you guys at? Dad: Still in Kissime. Me: Oh. I thought you were coming home today. Dad: Well, we were, but your mom is in the hospital. Me: What? Why? What happened? Is she okay? Dad: Yeah, she's fine. Her heart again. She'll be out tomorrow. (Mom has heart palpitations from time to time.) Me: Have her call me when she gets out then. Dad: Okay. Oh, we put a bid in on a house down here and they accepted. Me: (dumbstruck) Oh, okay. Two weeks ago my parents, who've lived 200 miles away for five years, called me and flat out told me they were going to buy a house in a town that is about 30 miles from here. Now, in one swoop I not only find out my Mom isn't in as good a shape as she claimed, but they are going to be 900 miles away instead of 200. Maybe that wouldn't bother me so much if things weren't what they were. When I was sixteen, my parents decided to move from Michigan to Tennessee. We left my entire family, including but not limited to about 30 cousins, dozens of aunts and uncles, and my 2 brothers. We gallavanted (against my will and I don't care that that isn't spelled right) to this damn state and shortly after I made a life for myself, they left. Basically, I've been abandon. I'm an orphan pretty much. I don't know what I would do if it weren't for my husband and his family. In the last thirteen years, his parents have been more like parents to me than my own. Well, I think my husband sees me as his responsibility, which is fine. I am.  You have to understand how little kid like I am to get that. I don't think I ever really grew up, even after having three kids. Anyway, Mom and Dad apparently believe that even though I didn't come visit them when they lived 200 miles away, I'll make the 900 mile trip. Um... duh, I haven't been back to Michigan in 12 years, and it's closer. Think about it. Maybe I can't really afford it. Or, maybe I still get car sick every time I get in a vehicle. What's that? Ride a plane? ROFL! What part of can't afford and motion sickness didn't you get. Really? REALLY? Sorry! Still irritate two days later. And, they haven't called like I asked. So, I don't even know if Mom is out of the hospital or if they are even going to bother coming home. Well, I guess I can't complain too much in that area. I rarely ever call them. That was freak thing the other night. I suppose I should call them more, and maybe the rest of my family, but I despise phones, and well really, talking to people. Always thought that was just a phase, but nope, guess not. It's getting worse as time goes by. Heh, it's gotten to the point that I don't answer emails anymore. Maybe I should go see one of them psycho ass systs. I mean psycho analysts. Then again, better not. They'll want me to conform and be a productive member of society. That just isn't me and isn't going to happen, then I'll be in one of those precious white suits forever hugging myself. Stupid November. Stupid birthday. I never thought I'd actually want December to come. |
| I can always tell when my birthday is coming, even if I don't know the date. I wish we could skip the entire month of November. This year for my birthday, I've got a pulled muscle in my chest, which makes it really hard to do anything. I also have a kid staring over my shoulder reading along. Funny how that always makes them leave when you write something about them. Anyway, most of my birthdays have been spent in hospitals. Not always for me though. Two of my kids have had stitches on my birthday. I've been really sick, had family members and animals die, and been hurt pretty bad. It all makes me want to bubble wrap everyone I know to their beds for the month, but none of them will submit to my will for a month. They always start going on about how they have to go to work/school. It's strange that this has been going on my entire life and I only realized I was cursed a few years ago. I got to thinking about how many stupid things have happened on my birthday. Car accidents, concussions and alcohol poisoning (oops). I've considered writing a story about it, but I never seem to get very far with the plot. I mean, what is the point? Maybe I should fear getting older more, I don't know. It seems like everyone around me is always quite a bit older so complaining about my age is just pointless. As far as my writing goes, I haven't gotten very far. I did expand a little on chapter one of Tainted, but other than that, I'm still in blahville. Here's something I was toying with. It's not Tainted or anything I should be working on. In fact, I'm not sure what it is. Hmm... Light shimmered around me, casting a rainbow of colors in my vision. It was strange to see something so beautiful in a moment of panic. My hand lifted, involuntarily, from my side, reaching out to feel the sunlight, something I hadn’t felt in so many months. A sob clogged my throat, making it impossible to breathe. Tears streamed down my cheeks, no doubt carving away the dirt that littered my face. “I said don’t move.” The voice was harsh, filled with hatred. “You would be dead already if it weren’t for the children.” It took every bit of nerve I had, but I managed to pull my eyes from the shimmer of light cascading over me. The children? There were no children with me. As unusual as it was, I was alone. I stared at the man, gauging for the first time, that he was more afraid than I was. Sweat poured from his brow, though the air was cool here in these caves. It was one reason I chose this place. His first bullet had blown a hole through the ceiling above me, straight through a solid foot of rock. I hated to think what the bullet would do to my pale, light deprived flesh, so I ignored that thought that lingered in the back of my mind. I knew I would be in this position one day. It was inevitable. His eyes were like liquid silver, hiding just under the fringe of messy brown hair. They glared at me from behind the gun. His skin was a deep brown, proof he lived under the sun. I studied him quietly, my hand still lingering in front of me, basking in the heat. His clothes were old, tattered and dirty. Though he looked strong, he also looked under fed. Not at all what I expected from an outsider. I also figured they would shoot me at first sight, children or no children. There was another telltale sign that marked him for what he was in those balls of liquid silver that stared at me with so much pain, hatred, and fear. His pupil was round. |
| My husband and I went out last night. It's not something we do a lot. His friend at work asked him to come hang out and play this card game called Circle of Death. Here's how it works: Make a ring with the cards on the table. The first person draws a card, but they can only use one hand to do so and may not break the ring of cards. If they do break the ring, they take a drink. Draw clockwise one person at a time and complete tasks before another draw is made. Now, depending on what their card is, they act: 2-7 red - they drink that number of drinks. 4 of hearts means they have to drink 4 drinks. 2-7 black - they can assign the drinks to other players any way they want. 4 of clubs means they can make each person drink if 4 people are playing, or give all the drinks to one person, divide them between 2 people, or drink themselves. 8 any color - Categories. The player that drew the card says something like writing websites. Clockwise, the other players respond with names until someone can't think of one, then that person drinks one drink. And yes when the category comes back to the drawer, he too must answer his own category. Five second answer time. 9 any color - Rhyme Time. The player says a word. Clockwise, the other players reply with a word that rhymes. Whoever stops the rhyming, drinks one drink. The drawer too must have a rhyme ready on his turn. Five second answer time. 10 any color - Thumb Master. The person that draws this card can place his thumb on the table at any time. The rest of the players must follow suit. The last player to get his thumb on the table must take one drink. This person is the thumb master until another player draws a ten, then the responsibility falls to the new 10 holder. Jack any color - Jack back. The person one seat to the right of the drawer must take one drink. Queen any color - Question Master. Much like the 10 this person holds this position until another Queen is drawn. The Question Master can ask questions of anyone at the table, but if they answer his questions, they must take a drink. If he says, "Can I use your lighter?" Just throw it at him. Don't say, "Yes." If they ask who's turn it is, don't answer or you will drink. King any color - Rule Master. The drawer may make one rule that will be in effect for the remainder of the game. When another King is drawn, the new rule DOES NOT replace the old rule. You have to keep track of both. Of course, breaking the rule or rules means you take a drink, or two, or three, depending on how many times you broke the rule. Some rules put in effect last night: There is a little monkey clinging to the side of your drink. Take him off before you drink and put him back on when you are done. No one at the table may swear. No one at the table may laugh, smile, or giggle. No one at the table may say the words drink, drank, or drunk. Ace any color - Everyone at the table takes one drink. Enjoy! Jezz |
| So, I did finally post something. Though I have no clue where I'm going with it at the moment and I'm not sure what will be tainted, but something will. If you're wondering about the name, I was sitting here posting it and I thought, "Huh, I can't post this titled Livia." So, I thought real quick and the first word that I liked that popped in my head was Tainted. After which I decided I needed to format the book right the first time so I went and made some images. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** and ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Clicking either one will get you to the book.  Now, if I could just write the next chapter. I know kind of where I want to go with it. If I ever get myself to write, hopefully I've saved up enough creative juices lately that it will flow all over the place. The only thing that is really bad about this title, is now that song "Tainted Love" will be stuck in my head all day, and now that I mention it, probably yours too! |
| I'm in a slightly bad mood today. My daughter received an email from her "father" today. He was bad talking me, saying things that weren't even true. I had to send a reply. I couldn't help it. Yeah, in the past I've done the same thing, and at times I still do, but not to my daughter. She shouldn't have to listen to that. At the end of the email I wrote, "If you don't have anything nice to say, quit emailing her." We used to get along really well, but this past Christmas, his family emailed me (his family, not him) asking if she could come to Florida to see them for the holidays. I said no. She spent the previous two Christmas' with them. I thought it was my turn. After that, his family came out of the wood work sending me and MY PARENTS nasty letters, emails, and even trying to call. It was all a really big pain. Apparently, he tells his family some really blatant lies about how well he takes care of his daughter. Most of them stopped when my dad told them that he only pays $20.00 a month child support. But, the whole thing set off this little one sided feud. He some how got in his head that since I said she couldn't go to Florida, that meant he couldn't ever see her again. So... he hasn't seen her in over a year. He's even threatened to sue me for visitation and told my daughter he was going to call child services. I told him AGAIN today that I never said he couldn't see her, though I'm beginning to think maybe he shouldn't. I wonder if I took all these emails and letters to a judge would he give me a restraining order against the whole family. That would be nice. Enough of that. I don't want to dwell on it. It will only upset me more. I was trying to think of something to write all day yesterday, but I came up with nothing, again. I really don't want to edit. I've tried a few times lately, but I end up doing something else. Speaking of editing, every time I let something sit for a few months, as suggested by most people, I end up making huge changes and basically rewriting the whole book. Does anyone else have this problem? I've been rewriting the same book for ten years. It's starting to get annoying. I think I have like 3 maybe 4 different beginnings now... no 5. They are all so different thought that they could each be a different book. Maybe I should go read through all my older stuff and see if any ideas spark. I know washing dishes does nothing for my imagination. I have to do those too. Jezz |
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