Australian summer

The moon was orange last night, he said he liked it. It seemed like another unnatural declaration from nature that she wasn’t happy with us. It was orange and he liked it. The recent bushfires announced this to the moon, it matched the dead leaves quite cheerfully. Simply, it makes me feel sad. Could the weather/environment affect me this much? Well the environment of a child affects them, seeing the repercussions when they are adults. – Rephrased – it affects them to some extent. In some way, I’m not one of precision for my thoughts.

That’s why people are renowned for going crazy in the desert, seeing mirages. The heat, the crazy heat. It really makes you feel sub-human. But he keeps sleeping through it all – almost. There have been a few nights at which the heat has forced itself on us in a tight unrelenting embrace. Then he was affected, (he works night shift for the post office) but I didn’t see the effect on him, as I was asleep as he left and he was asleep when I got up.

I think of waking him, I have no apparent reason for doing so ( I don’t feel the need for his affection towards me, just something wants me to make him be awake). But I go to the kitchen instead, to appease my banter induced tummy. Chicken sandwich is agreed upon, the fridge is happily full as I went shopping yesterday, somehow a full cupboard/fridge can content me and simplify my feelings of life. To know – just to know I have all this food in which I can eat at anytime I want, releases/realises true acceptance and gratitude for my existence. I gather the necessary items (two slices of whole meal bread, cheese, mayonnaise, chicken and the half portioned avocado) cut and paste them onto one another and cut into triangles. Sounds like a children’s craft activity. But the outcome is yummy none the less for this irony. Hungry with tired eyes is what I feel, a hungry woman with tired eyes. But as I eat, the more alive and not full of tension, I become.