All Fall Down

Everything was supposed to be fine for Will and Julie.

Everything had always been fine for Will and Julie, ever since the day they’d met. From the very beginning, they had been one of those perfect couples that inspire envy and loathing in everyone around them. Not outward spite and animosity, of course. They were both far too nice for that. No one could actually hate them in the real sense of the word or, indeed, even find a reason to gripe about them behind their backs at parties.

There wasn’t anything wrong with them apart from one inescapable fact.

They were just so damn happy. 

He was a handsome up-and-coming sales genius, and she was a gorgeous executive. They fell madly in love at first sight and never looked back. Within six months of meeting, they were engaged. Within a year, they were married.

From there, everything just fell perfectly into place for them.

They were both wildly satisfied with their jobs, and more than happy at home. They had their fights, sure. They had their misunderstandings, their petty arguments that no one ever really won, but they never for one moment imagined that it was possible for everything to not ultimately be right.

To not be perfect.

Especially not this.

Not the baby.

The baby was supposed to be the most perfect thing of all.

They had always planned on starting a family, once their careers were settling down and it made financial sense to take such a big step. It was an integral part of their five year plan, and an even more integral part of their ten year plan.

Of course, it had never occurred to them that maybe, just maybe, their plans didn’t matter.

The call had come into Will’s office at 3:25 PM.

It was a Tuesday.

Not that it mattered what day it was.

Will just happened to be glancing down at his desk blotter calendar when the call came in. It was his wife’s boss, her voice already sounding low and cryptic as she spoke just his name.

“Will?”

“Yeah,” Will answered, jotting a note about a meeting he needed to change, only half listening to the woman on the other end of the phone.

“Will…” She said his name slower this time, drawing each letter out. She apparently decided that wasn’t quite good enough, because she repeated the word once more. “Will, it’s Julie.”

Will put his pen down, turning his full attention to the voice in his ear, which suddenly was the only thing in the universe. “What?”

“They took her to the hospital…there’s something wrong with the baby. You need to get over there now.”

If there was anything said after that, Will didn’t hear it. He had a sales call he was supposed to make in ten minutes, but he had already completely pushed it out of his mind. He hung up the phone and ran out the door, sprinting for his car with only one thought pulsing through his brain.

Nothing was okay.

How could nothing be okay when ten seconds ago everything had been fine?

The doctors had said so.

When Julie first found out she was pregnant, they had waited as long as they could before telling anyone, just to make sure. They had been trying for a year at that point with no success, and they didn’t want to give into hope too soon.

But then, after a few months of waiting and hoping, they had been told that everything was fine. The baby was growing, happy and seemingly healthy. Julie hadn’t missed a single appointment. She had taken every prenatal vitamin. She did everything she was supposed to.

The doctors said it was all going perfectly…

So why the hell was Will driving through the city at full speed, his heart in his throat? 

He didn’t remember a single moment of the frantic drive. It wasn’t the drive that mattered. All that mattered was being there.

The nurse didn’t tell him anything as she led him through the sterile hallway to Julie’s room. She didn’t have to. As soon as Will saw his wife’s face, pale and tired and absolutely lifeless, he knew.

Lifeless…

That was the only way to describe the shell of the woman lying in the bed in front of him. Her short, normally immaculate brown hair was plastered across her forehead by the sweat and tears. She looked up at him as he stood in the doorway, her lips parting as she tried to say something. The words somehow got lost between her brain and her lips, however, and all she could do was let out a soft sound, almost like a sob.

That was the only signal he needed. He was across the room and by her side in an instant, perching on the bed by her head, running his fingers through her hair as he gently kissed the top of her head, remembering how he’d kissed her when she showed him the blue stick six months ago.

“It’s okay,” he murmured into her scalp as he loosened his tie and stripped off his suit jacket, every ounce of energy he had going into selling the line.

He was a salesman. It was his job. He spent his entire life trying to convince people he was right, that they should listen to him. But he’d never cared this much about selling a line. He’d never tried so hard with so little effect.

It had never felt so hollow.

“She’s gone, Will,” Julie whispered, her hands grasping for him, one finding his arm and one settling on his head just under his ear. “She’s gone.”

“I know.”

“I don’t know what happened…” Her voice was choked as she fought back the tears, as she still clung to last bit of strength she had. “I felt fine this morning…then after lunch, I just felt…wrong…and I thought I just ate something…oh, God, Will. I shouldn’t have been at work.”

The last sentence was almost whispered. They both remembered the discussions they’d had about that issue. Will had told his wife that she didn’t have to work, as he made enough to support them. She could stay home if she wanted.

But why would she stay home when she could still work? After all, everything was fine.

It had to be perfect.

Nothing could go wrong.

Julie buried her head in his shoulder, only releasing the tears when she was sure he couldn’t see or hear them.

“Hey.” Will pulled back just far enough that he could look into her clouded blue eyes, wiping the first tear he saw away from her cheek. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. The doctor said you were fine to work as long as you were at a desk, and you were, right? You weren’t kickboxing or skydiving or something. You were just sitting at a desk. It’s not your fault, Jules. I promise.”

He kissed her forehead, kicking his shoes off as he swung his legs up onto the bed, stretching out alongside her. She pressed against him, every inch of her trembling frame trying to soak him in.

For the first time he could remember, his crisp, white shirt was suddenly wrinkled and covered in wet, brown streaks.

Suddenly, that didn’t seem to matter.

Julie pressed closer to him, her tears soaking clear through his clothes as she tried to somehow absorb whatever reserves of strength he was finding.

She was sure as hell reaching the end of hers.

“My mom,” she whispered, her blue eyes closing wearily as she rested her head on his chest, feeling his soothing, even breaths through his tear-stained white shirt. “And your dad…everyone…we have to call everyone…”

“Don’t worry about that,” Will told her, wrapping his arms around her as if he never intended to move again.
In that moment, he quite possibly didn’t.

“But…her room.”

Julie’s voice stopped, finally losing its will as she spoke these last words.

The baby’s room, which they had just spent the last three months painting.

It even had her name etched on the wall.

Will’s breath finally caught, his calm demeanor cracking for a moment before he caught himself. “I’m not worried about the room, Jules. I’m worried about you.”

She looked up at him, brushing a strand of blonde hair off her forehead. “But we never finished the crown molding, and the light fixtures are still wrong and--”

“Jules.” He cut her off gently, pressing a finger to her lips as he held her closer. “Stop.”

She nodded slowly, her eyes closing again as she pressed her face into his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

He knew she didn’t believe him. He knew she couldn’t

She couldn’t.

Not yet.

But he couldn’t give up trying.

He held her closer, his hand softly tracing circles on her back. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Julie nodded in silent agreement, letting the words sink into her ears as she allowed his touch ease her pain just a little.

“We lost her, Will. Our Jenny.”

It was the name Julie had picked out from the moment she found out she was pregnant. Somehow, she had always known it was a girl.

She had never tried to explain how, and he had never asked. It hadn’t mattered then, and it sure as hell didn’t matter now.

She was gone.

Somehow, hearing the name spoken aloud was what finally pushed Will over the edge.

He just didn’t have anything left.

Tears worked their way out of the corners of his eyes, tracing damp paths down to his chin, where they fell onto Julie’s head.

“I know,” he whispered, unable to speak any louder in that moment. “I know we did…but it’s going to be okay. I promise. It’s going to be okay.”

He didn’t know how.

He didn’t know when.

It wouldn’t be a day or a week or even a month, that much was certain. He had no idea how long it would be before either of them would stop feeling the empty pit in their stomachs. He had no idea how long it would be before anything seemed fine again. But somehow, sitting there in the silence of the dim hospital room, his arms around the woman he could say without even batting an eyelash that he loved more anything on earth, he knew that somehow it would be fine again.

Somehow, they would find their reserves of strength again.

Somehow, they would be there to face another day.

Together.

Never in his life had Will ever had to fight so hard to convince himself that things would work out. Never had he cared more about convincing the woman who had carried his baby, keeping her safe for five short months. Never in his life had he ever wanted to make a pain go away as much as he wanted to make this one go away.

His chin rested on top of her head, his own eyes closing as he searched for the right words to say.

For once, there weren’t any.

Her arms wrapped around his waist, her face pressing deeper into his chest. “I love you, Will,” she murmured.

He smiled to himself.

They didn’t fix anything, those three little words.

They didn’t make anything better. Not this time.

But at least they were a place to start rebuilding.

“I love you, too, Jules.”