the dichotomy

No one would know it just by looking at me. Groomed and poised; my shell does not reflect the fear, the rage, and the opposition happening inside.

I fall on my knees..

Peace is returning, I don't know what to do with myself. I still have moments of drama, but the voices are still.. I guess they are sleeping for now. I feel  relieved when they are not screaming. However there is no reprieve from the atrocious images seared in my brain. Sights of pain and sorrow, the sounds are deafening. I want to scoop out my ears and gouge out my eyes. But the loss of sight and sound will only make the violence in my head clearer. I just bury my head in a pillow.

I am so tired but no matter how much I sleep it is never enough..

What now?

I disconnect and slip into a sublime space in my head. The theme is always the same. I am with him and the world is right.