Holidays can bring you hope |
I have always tried to be the author of my own life,I know there is a Divine power that moves my ship in the direction it should go with small waves at times and then larger ones that seem to capsize my entire being. I am in a sort of calm realm of my life right now, I am starting to deal with some of my flaws as a human being, trying to be better and give more of myself. I am one of those lucky women who have a wonderful man in my life. He and I have been together for over 24 yrs now and we have been to the brink of divorce as well as the brink of poverty. No matter what we always came to realize the common strength came from both of us staying together and that we love each other so much. I have noticed that over the past six months my husband has made a complete turn around and has become stronger and more take charge in our financial lives as well as our personal life. I am grateful for this it has allowed me to put more of myself into my business as well as spend more time with our four year old daughter. We had gone through losing our home in Katrina and my husband losing his job of twenty years. My husband was a native of Louisiana and we always thought we would live there, I am thankful this is not so as I felt the kids would never be able to have a decent life there but at the time it was secure and what we had come to know. Christmas has been sad for me as I am very sentimental and all of my childrens' Christmas stuff is in the garage of my brother in-laws all the memories from when they were babies to toddlers to children the things mothers most come to treasure little moments we can never get back. We don't have the means to go back to Louisiana and shipping is too expensive, so I have for the past four years felt Christmas has not been a magical experience for my family. To me it was more of a hassle and annoyance there was no joy or love in my heart for things I really use to love before like getting the tree or decorating it with my kids. I use to be the avid baker and everyone I knew would get a loaf of my cranberry bread with a card of love attached. All that changed and my heart was in hiding still mourning what use to be. This year I believe God has opened my heart up a little more and healed some of the hurt I have held in my heart for almost four years. After Thanksgiving this year I felt a little joy pluck my heart strings and I actually went out with my two daughters to buy some new ornaments to decorate the tree with, I also asked my husband if we could get our tree early this year because I wanted it to last a little longer in our home. I know Jesus is the reason for every season of Christmas and beyond but I hadn't felt the joy of His birth or the light in my heart or my life. I feel like I have cheated my four year old daughter Madelyn out of being excited about Santa so this year just yesterday we made an appointment to see him (yes you have to make an appointment there are so many children now) I cried as I watched her see him and telling him all her little secrets.I know that love is there and that's what is most important. |