Hmmph.

I
I am
I am confused.
                                    I
                                    I am
                                    I am stressed.
                                                                        I
                                                                        I am
                                                                        I am stupid.

Boys: The main source of my
                        confusion, stress, and stupidity.       
I can't relax because I am constantly trying to
          a n a l y z e    their    words.

I never know what to believe.
        "Yeah, sure. We can be friends."
                                                      ... then why won't you talk to me?
        "You can get any guy you want."
                                                      ... but not you.
          "You weren't 'just another one.'"
                                                      ... then why did you treat me like one?
    One easily spotted lie:
                                        "I've changed."
                                                                                      Um, yeah. Bullshit.
The sad part is that even though I know
it's a lie, I still want to believe it. And so, I do.

Then I
          C
              R
                  A
                    S
                        H
                            to the floor when the lies become
                                                                                [ C L E A R ]

I am a certified moron when it comes to boys.
As Katy Perry once sang,
                            "These wounds are self-inflicted." 
I do it to myself, again and again.

Rarely does the guy get hurt.
In fact, there's only been one.

That one is a  p a i n  in the  a  s  s .
      But I would do anything to be his friend again.

But no, I fucked it up. Real good.

Basically,
                I do not know what to do.

To try or not to try?
To trust or not to trust?
To screw are not to screw?
                                                                      Those are the questions.

What will I do?
I don't know. Most likely, I'll follow my heart
into a natural disaster. For awhile, the ride
will be fun, twisting and turning.
But before long, I know the ups and downs will get to me.

Could I prevent this? Yes. Will I? No, probably not.
Because if not, I'll always wonder...
                          WHAT IF?!
                                                            ... and I just can't live with that.