Dear John letter from your desk

Upon entering my home yesterday I was in a big hurry to get to the bathroom, so when I tossed the keys on the table by the door, hearing the keys hit the floor instead, my stomach jumped into my throat.

Realizing my home had been robbed or was still in the process being robbed my bladder put in a stop order in and I froze in my tracks listening for any sound.

Scanning my living room, I could see the rest of the room was as I left it. There were no sounds of a ransack in progress. Looking back to the space the table should have occupied, I saw the note on the floor, held in place by the tiny dragon vase that used to sit on the table.

I snatched the note from the floor, still not convinced I was alone in my home.

The note read:
“Hello, great grand-daughter dear, sad to say this is more of a goodbye.

I know you thought I was part of your family. Your great Grandfather created me in his workshop, your Grandmother brought me with her on the voyage to this new land. You probably didn’t know your Father had to battle with his brother just to make sure that I became yours.

The reality of the situation is that I never belonged to you, not any of your other relatives, not even to your great Grandfather. I am a creature of the mighty oak from which I was carved, and as such am not honor bound to your family.

I might have considered staying longer, but you allowed dust to build up on me, you let your children run Hot Wheel races on me, you hit me with the vacuum several times and every time you came home you threw your keys at me.

I’m off to grander things my dear, the Antique Roadshow is in town.

I read the news from the pile of papers you leave scattered atop me… and frankly I think I can find someone there who can appreciate my rare beauty and value better than you have.

As a matter of fact, I’m sure of it.

Cry no tears for me, I know you well enough to know you would sell me in a heartbeat if the price was right, let’s just say I beat you to the punch.”

After reading the note I made a quick stop at the bathroom, then headed out to my garage. After snatching up the keys from the floor, I headed off to the Roadshow with my trusty ax, which also happens to be a much beloved family heirloom.