I Wish I Really Understood Cats

I Wish I Really Understood Cats

Chapter 1: Put the past away

         I really want to be friends with him, but I don’t think my heart could take it. The message read on the luminescent screen. The words began to blur and twist into each other against the white background or were it not the words itself but his eyes. Thick lines of cold, salty wetness began to flood down his cheeks until he brought his palms to meet his face at rest. Gently sobbing as the realization sunk in. He knew at this moment, there was no chance of them at all, that his last plane flight had crashed into the mountain not long after it landed safely. Time froze and only a muffled whimper could be heard throughout the room. Slowly raising his head out of the shelter that his hands granted his face from the world, bloodshot eyes looked out the window towards the heavens. So wistful was his stare that without even moving his lips you could see him mouth ‘I’ll love you always’.
         
         Flooding through the window were the last traces of light, vibrant of pinks, yellows, and oranges. Painting a happier picture over a much more melancholy self-portrait. Un-wanting to believe everything he had slaved so hard over to preserve was gone forever. Never is a long time you could hear him thinking to himself, his thoughts and emotions tearing through the drywall to the outside, stirring sleeping birds and sending the ever wily squirrels scampering for a safe limb. This is for real, this is it, and this is really the world coming down on his head. He thought he’d be ready for this day with someone at his side, fate reeling back in laughter waving its wicked claws in a gleeful pattern.
         
         All alone he was. His family and friends always there for him, but to him he was truly alone. The only person that could turn the key to his heart had thrown it all away. His waking moments dictated by what had transpired. He was always taught not to dwell on the past and not let it rule your life. But how he thought, when every waking minute he spent breathing was a result of what had happened. His life and progress forward came out of survival, recovering from an insufferable loss. A hole punched so wide and deep in his heart that the gaping chasm reminded him of his visit to the Grand Canyon when he was much younger and still so innocent.
         
         His loss of innocence had crossed his mind many times since that day in September. The one time in his whole nineteen years of walking this sphere and experiencing it did he, without a doubt, knew what he wanted for his day of birth. To spend seven days with his angel whose name he dare not speak again for fear of falling in love all over again. How did she manage to find his heart that he hid oh so well? Not in his many years did anyone ever get close to him. Keeping everyone at a distance so as not to become attached is how he lived. To become attached to him, meant nothing more than eventual loss. Having lost much already, more than many will ever lose in their lifetimes, he grew bitter. Trying to live only for the moment, and live in the now, he became twisted up in the future. Unspoken secrets revealed in his chilling eyes, with snaking red cracking throughout.
         
         Stirred from his thoughts by none other than a sad-streaked mew. Without even needing to look, he could sense his best friend sitting there patiently and understanding. He couldn’t bear to turn his head, his appearance and mind a wreck; he wanted nothing more than oblivion. Hoping for something he knew would not come true, that he would eventually walk away, was only reinforced by another slow but short mew. Giving in to the prying questions, his tear streaked face spun towards the direction of this interrogation. Sitting with chest puffed, legs straight, posture great, tail methodically lashing the ground, and whiskers quivering ever so slightly. Eyes wide and piercing, without a word escaping, he could feel his sorrow revealed. Without delay, a quick pump of furry legs brought this caring soul closer to his face, finding sturdy ground upon his lap. Mew, consoled him. Mew, suggested him. And finally mew apologized him.
         
         With such kind words the tears halted their hesitant advance, finding rest in weary eyes as deep as pools. Taking him in his arms, the man felt he wasn’t quite alone, he hadn’t felt this way in a very long time. Not knowing how to experience such a feeling, his sobbing doubled and whimpering quickened. Never judging for even a second, he sat there while the man filled an ocean upon his coat. Feeling his pain and knowing this was suffering deep, ages past before a barely audible mew escaped his ever present smile. The sobbing subsided, raising his head once more; he brought his lips upon his forehead, gently touching. Picking him up and placed upon his shoulder, the man rose and walked weakly to his bed. Sitting down and placing his friend next to him, without removing any clothes, his head fell heavily on to the pillow. Before darkness took him, something cold and wet touched his cheek followed by something ever rough.