Chapter One: Evening Falls The sun set, casting dark shadows across the entire field and ensuring me of the fact that night was indeed falling once again and it would soon be time for us to part. It seemed like such a long time ago that he and I began talking and looking back, though the times had been hard at points, it was well worth all the trouble we had been through to get to where we were. Getting up off of the field, he reached down and offered to help me up. “Thanks,” I responded quickly. I sat up and wiped the dirt off my hands so as not to get his hands dirty. Another embarrassing moment was all that I needed. He took my hand and pulled me up with a little too much force, and pulled me right into him, as though sealing another day with a kiss. I pulled away from him and looked deeply into his eyes. “What?” he asked slightly amused with the curious look on my face. “Nothing, it’s really nothing,” I said through laughter. “Do you honestly think after four months, I’m going to let you tell me that your looks mean nothing? I can read you really well, and I know when you’re lying. Now tell me, what are you thinking about?” I sat there, lost in thought for a moment, and quickly stated, “You’re just amazing okay, but if you don’t think so, I’ll just take it back.” Then, for sake of entertainment, I looked at him even more deeply for a moment—long enough for him to question my motive and rapidly threw in a “tag, you’re it.” Running off across the field, I could hear his laughter as he chased me down, trying to return the tag. When he finally caught up with me, he grabbed my hand, turned me around and kissed me. “Hun, although playing these great little games with you is fun, you know I have to do laundry, so we’ve got to get you back to your room. Besides, you have to go to your little English study group tonight and you really don’t need to miss it.” Knowing he had won, I sighed and retorted, “Yeah, you’re right. I can’t fail English or the Scholarship Fairy will take my money away and that would be a sad, sad day.” Walking back to the room, he and I laughed back and forth, just like we always do, exchanging smart remarks as he answered my seemingly endless questions. “Why is the Joker in Batman wearing make-up? Like how did that come to happen?” I asked. Laughing at me, he stopped and touched his hand to his face in amusement. “Is that really what you’ve been thinking about his whole time?” he asked, pausing long enough for me to shake my head in response. “Well, the make-up is like his costume, so it’s not like he is wearing make-up to be pretty or anything.” Shocked that he actually had an answer for my question, I added an, “oh, that makes sense” and left us walking back in silence. The strange thing about the silences that he and I shared was that they were never moments where we felt as though we actually had to talk, they were just moments of perfect contentment during which we were just happy to be together and enjoying the day. Reaching the door to my building, I felt a comfort wash over me knowing that the day had gone well and in about thirty minutes, he and I were sure to be having another conversation, I just felt like nothing could go wrong. Kissing me good night, he stated, “Be safe at your little study group—I know it’s off on James Island—so just be careful and don’t do anything stupid because I can’t drive up there in ten minutes like I can to Wal-Mart.” Rolling my eyes at him, I sighed, and said, “Of course, because so much can happen to me in about a four hour period. You, sir, truly worry way too much.” “Forgive me for caring about you. You know I always worry.” “And you wonder why I call you Edward Cullen?” “Hush,” he laughed. “You know I’m not anything like Cullen.” “Alright, you win. You aren’t. You’re much better than he is.” “Yeah, okay, whatever you need to tell yourself, Michelle. I’ve really got to go though, Hun. I have like no clothes to wear tomorrow and you need to get ready to head to your little nerd group, so I’m going to leave you here and I’ll text you, okay?” “Yeah, okay. Whatever floats your boat, love.” I laughed, and added, “text me whenever then. Talk to you later.” He walked off and left me standing at the door watching as each step he took set him farther away. I took the stairs two at a time, hoping to get upstairs and do something for the remaining time that I had here at school for the evening. Deciding that I wasn’t going to have much energy after I got back from the “nerd group”, I ran a quick shower and stepped in. Exhaustion hit me like a wave and crashed all over my body as I stood in the water. Suddenly, I didn’t want to go to my study group anymore. “Pull yourself together, Michelle. It’s a three hour study group and you have to go. Besides, what else would you be doing if you weren’t preparing for your final?” I turned the water off in the shower and looked down at the floor. It was going to be a long night. I already knew that. I would just have to grin and bear it. My phone was ringing so I wrapped myself in my towel and ran into the bedroom to see who was calling me. Strangely, it was Nick. “What do you want?” I thought to myself. “You never call me.” I moved to answer the phone. “Hey, what’s up?” “Nothing really, I was just kind of wondering if you were actually going to go to your study group. I know you didn’t want to go, but I really feel like you need to go. I don’t want you to do poorly on your final.” “I know. I’m going. I actually just got out of the shower. I’m kind of just waiting for the time to roll around when I have to leave.” “Oh, alright; good coon. Oh, and remember, please be safe and don’t try to walk on any bridges or anything that you could fall off of, okay?” “Nicholas, I’m clumsy, not stupid, okay? I’ll be fine. And don’t you have laundry you need to do?” Laughing he responded, “You know, you want me to call you and talk to you all the time and as soon as you get what you want, you don’t want it anymore. I don’t understand you.” “I’d love to sit here and talk to you all night, and you know that. It’s just I just got out of the shower and I have like no clothes on and I really can’t go to a study group naked….”Knowing that I’d won the argument, I told him I’d call him back later, or that he could text me whenever and hung up the call. I dressed myself quickly and decided that I would do something with my hair since the last thing I wanted to do was show up to a professor’s house looking like a bum. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt quickly and moved back into the bathroom to straighten my hair. After working on it for nearly twenty minutes, I saw that it was a lost cause and gave up on it letting it fall loosely at my shoulders. Looking at the clock I realized that I had to leave now—otherwise I was going to be late and I had already told myself that I wasn’t going if I had to show up late. I grabbed my textbook, binder and keys off of my desk and walked into April’s room. April was sitting on her bed when I walked into the room and looked up as soon as I closed the bathroom door behind me, asking; “Hey, love. You look cute. Are you ready to go?” “As ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose. I mean, would you really want to go sit in a room full of people you barely even know and talk about school and take notes on books that you hate?” “Come on, now. It can’t be all that bad. Besides, Furniture Boy is going to be there, isn’t he? You can try and talk to him if you get really bored and who knows, maybe he’ll come and bunk your beds or something.” “Oh, alright; I guess I’ll go just because Nick wants me to go. I’d hate for him to be mad at me just because I didn’t go and sit somewhere for three hours.” “You know, you can’t just live your life for him. You have to want to do well in school for you. You’re smart; don’t throw it all away just for him.” We walked out to her car in silence and she got in and revved the engine while I stared across campus in the direction of the Quads. April rolled down the window and demanded that I get in the car. Sighing deeply, I opened the door and sat down. “You know he hates me, right? My English professor completely detests me. He wants me to fail just so he can get my scholarship taken away and he can bask in the glory of knowing that he’s the only one getting paid in this student-teacher relationship. It’s basic psychology.” “Yeah, okay Michelle. Because that’s what all the teachers do around here. They think about the different ways they’re going to screw with you before class. Everyone knows that. You do realize how absolutely ridiculous you sound right now, don’t you? I think you’re the crazy one that needs drugs in this relationship, love. Just go and sit there and listen. Is he going to make you discuss anything?” “I don’t even know. Can we just listen to the radio or something, please? I’m not really in a mood to talk right now.” She didn’t say anything back and simply turned up the music and we rode off campus in silence while I awaited my sure death. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter Two: Unexpected Circumstances Soon enough we had arrived at the house of the devil himself. I looked across the landscape trying to get a feel for the way he would entertain guests—it is often easy to determine this by the condition of the house and the front yard. I decided that he was going to be one of those people who entertain well. I also noted the fact that there weren’t any other cars in the front yard yet. Either my classmates had parked further down in the cul-de-sac or I was the first person here. Hoping that I was right in my initial thought, I got out of the car, told April goodbye and that I would text her when she needed to come get me and that I would definitely either be giving her gas money or taking her out to dinner as soon as I got out of Hell. I watched as she pulled out of the driveway and took in a deep breath as I braced myself to walk up and ring the doorbell. Dr. Davis walked up to the door and noted the curious expression on my face as I watched him adjust his tie. It was odd that he would dress up for a study group. “Carol, I’m glad you could make it, but I hate to inform you of the fact that I just sent out an email informing you and the rest of the class that I was going to have to move the study group to next Monday night because my wife and I have tickets for a play downtown. I hate that you rode all the way out here just to find this out. I thought you would’ve heard something the way you kids stay connected these days.” “Oh—umm, see the thing is, I didn’t get an email or a text or anything about the cancellation and because I don’t have a car of my own, I had to get my roommate to drive me here and she just bolted so I’ll just wait on the front porch until she can turn around and come get me…” "Yeah—umm, could you hold that thought, my phone is ringing—oh, it’s the babysitter. Give me just a second please. I do beg your pardon?” “Of course! I’m sorry that I kind of barged in here. I’ll just head out.” “Carol! Wait, I kind of need to ask you an interesting favor—and I would strongly prefer that you said yes. My babysitter has just come down with a terrible case of the stomach flu and she can’t work tonight and so I was wondering—since you’re already here and all and had planned on being here for a while—if you would mind watching my kids tonight while my wife and I went out. They’re really easy to get along with and they listen really well. Seriously, all you have to do is sit them in front of the television and they won’t cause you a single problem for the rest of the night.” "Dr. Davis, are you sure this wouldn't be an awkward situation being that I'm still your student? I mean, I don't mind watching them, and I even think that it would potentially be great fun, but at the same time, I don't want to cause any problems." "Carol, your dad's in the military, isn't he? Well, you've heard of the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy, then. It'll be just like that. There's nothing to worry about. I can assure you of that. Just I need an answer soon because I have to be out of here in about forty-five minutes." "Alright, you know what? I'll do it. It's really no big deal and that way April can just come and get me as scheduled." Forty minutes later, two kids with blank looking faces walked into the living room and demanded to know not only my name but why I was babysitting them instead of Jenny, the babysitter they loved and always had. I quickly explained to them that Jenny was ill and that I would be looking after them, but that it would honestly be a one time thing and that Jenny would be back to work for them as soon as she was feeling better. Dr. Davis walked back into the room and thanked me again for watching his children and assured me that he and his wife would be back in a couple of hours. Mrs. Davis then walked in behind him and reminded me that the children had already had dinner and that even though her husband had mentioned sitting them in front of the television, they were not allowed to watch it because they'd neglected their chores for the third week in a row. She told me the boys could go upstairs and read if I wanted to, but other than that, their entertainment was limited to homework and whatever they had in their rooms to play with. Then she and Dr. Davis moved to the door. "Remember, if you need anything, you can just call Jenny. She knows the ins and outs of this house and she'll be happy to help you and answer any questions you might have. Oh, and before I forget, I have to give the boys some medication. I simply forgot earlier. Ha-ha." "Well, I'm sure we won't have any problems tonight, will we guys?" I paused for a second, allowing them to shake their heads in agreement with me. Then I continued, "Besides, there's nothing good on TV tonight anyway." Dr. Davis agreed with me, a little too sure of the fact that I wouldn't have any problems tonight and immediately, I suspected some form of abuse was taking place in the home. I don't know what led me to that conclusion but the look on the faces of the two boys as their father closed the door behind himself and his wife only pushed me to believe more and more that the boys were happy to see their father leave. The car pulled out of the driveway and headed towards downtown Charleston. I looked up at the top of the stairs and saw that the boys were standing there with a fear in their eyes I’d never seen in person before. I didn’t understand what the cause could be and initially I assumed that it was because they were in their own house with a person they didn’t know—let alone that their father even knew. I was a dark shadow that took up space in his class and absorbed every word that came out of his mouth in hopes that I would eventually become a great writer much like my idol, Sylvia Plath. Although I wasn’t much into participating, I knew that I could potentially learn through osmosis all that needed to be learned and that one day, I’d be published in huge magazines as a short story writer. In the meantime, I was entertaining the thought that I might end up being a dentist, though I knew that it really wasn’t in the stars for someone like me. The thought of blood made my stomach turn. I wasn’t cut out for the high levels of stress that a degree in science demanded. I was doing it to please my father. Much like the rest of my life, it was being lived for someone else. While making other people feel good made me feel good about myself, I knew I was doing it at the expense of a true identity. I was becoming whatever people wanted me to be. I wasn’t even a real person. I was more of a cultivation of thousands of pieces of a puzzle that didn’t seem to fit. I was forced together, pieces torn, bent and ripped, until they fit into the puzzle that everyone I knew demanded so strongly to see. |