All I Ever Wanted

All I Ever Imagined

All I ever wanted
was for someone to truly love me,
Who looked forward to coming home
& would enjoy my company as much as I'd enjoy his.....
However, when I am bluntly honest with myself,
I know that I am to blame....for I chose my mate,
and as much as he, said "I Do"
For Better, for worse, For richer, for poorer.

In retrospect, all I really wanted was
Someone---who'd surprise me....
with a gift, or a card
not for by birthday, or anniversary,
Just because - he'd thought of me.....

A partner who would help plan special times together
not nagged to do it, but for the simple fact that
we treasured our brief time on this earth....

Someone who saw our union as a gift or a blessing
instead of a duty....
I know my 'type' or style can irritate
my mate, and as the years have flown

All of my dreams for us have died...
in this atmosphere of casual indifference....
I've never known him to plan....something special for us....
Never found a gaily wrapped surprise, waiting to be opened.

Sad to come to the realization...that
I was not his soul mate,
Not the one whom he imagined he'd spend so many years beside...
Nor was he mine,

Yet - he has never been cruel,
No reason to complain....Just because he doesn't think to do the little things....
A mistake was made -
Both of us have, as a necessity, given up on dreams.

-It's too late now, I'll never know the feeling
Of being truly cherished or to cherish in return...
To be a necessary part of another's life and soul,
As somebody would have been in mine.

All we can hope for is that with space & time
We'll do our separate, solitary hobbies.....
Stay together & finish raising our sons....
Praying that they'll never notice ---
that this is Love & Marriage - in it's most benign form......