Broken, Useless Little Toy

Please allow me to reiterate
how damaged I have been of late
badly neglected
shamefully abused
feeling unaffected
emotionally used

nothing is stable
my world shifts and spins
emotionally disabled
pain, it never ends

this damaged, useless little toy
always on the mend
forever dropped and broken
smashed and destroyed, again and again

never ever feeling safe
never feel adored
always feeling tumbled out
used, and broke some more

should I quit trying
stop all repairs?
Leave myself sitting,
shattered here?

Or wait till I’m played with
fix myself anew
only to be
once again poorly used?

How many times
till I learn a lesson?
How many times hurt
till this pain will lessen?

fuck I hate life,
relationships, men
unrequited feelings
will be my life’s end

I think I’m worth loving
but I must just be wrong
no matter what I do
I never seem to belong

broken, damaged, useless toy
tumbled down hearts stairs
forgotten in minds corner
never to be repaired.