letter to an ex-boyfriend

        A LETTER TO THE EX-BOYFRIEND



Hello my dear,

    How are you?I know we have been talking for long but phone calls and texts are never enough to show the extremities of emotion.Don't we all just miss the nice old letter writing,where you feel the person writing closer to you?touching the same paper they touched and even better the smell of a lover's perfume that lingers on the paper?(if it didn't diffuse and evaporated in the post).Oh well I didn't write to get chitty chatty....or may be i did...As late as this is,I have to put a lot off my chest.You see my dera,I never ever got the chance to tell you how I felt,may be it's probably because you were the one who always talked and made the decisions.I always thought you would make a good orator.

    May be we were too young or as you recently put it "we met too early in life" after ofcourse seeing the new and grown me.Many a times you do confuse me but I'll save that for later.As i was saying,may be we were young but how long are we going to use that as an excuse???I remember the first time i met you,I liked you from that very day and yes it does sound cliche but it did happen and you know it.You were dancing on stage and so full of life and energy and i guess that played an active role in getting me attracted to you.(fatal atttraction can be one of the most dangerous things to happen to a non deserving person,speaking from ground facts).Anyhow,those four years when we were on and off did really work me up.My size was up and down,I was like the mother of mood swings and oh my life i was so tired of you,of us and of everything that was happening to us then.Almost everyone of my friends including some of yours asked me why I always got back with you because clearly you weren't doing me any good.But how is anyone supposed to understand what i felt for you if they were never in my position!!???They didn't know that despite your selfishness,self centeredness,ego-centric self you were a good friend to me and also you gave me two days of the week.No,not everyone knew that but i did,and those two days aren't enough for a normal person but I was beyond content as long as I got to keep you as mine.

      You know....you did break me into pieces and heaven knows that even if I tried all techniques of denial it didn't work.I hurt so bad because i loved you so hard but it took you five years to tell me sorry!!!!!!!!!!What appalled and revolted me the most  was that year (you know the year and don't pretend to have forgotten) when you begged me and literally weaped for me to take you back as if your life depended on it.I was very sceptical about it but you manipulated my sensitivity and you got yourself back in my life only to cause me more heart break.Hardly three months had elapsed when you called us off.Remember what you told me??No,may be you don't.Let me take you for a joy ride down memory lane and do you the honour.You said that you didn't know if you liked me or the idea of me.Now seriously,who says that??seriously???You are that one hard core paper I have failed to pass all these years I have known you.I don't know how much time people are given to waste others time but am grateful that I realised (no matter how late it was)that it was about time you stopped wasting my time.

      During my recovery from the heartbreak,I had moments where I would sit still and ask myself what I could possibly ever done wrong to you?Was I never spontaneous enough?was I never beautiful enough?was I never understanding enough?didn't I kiss you the way you wanted me to?did I dress and covered up just too much?did I even make you happy?or did i whine too much it got to you?I had so many questions running through my mind and that's because we never talked about what happened,it's like you expected me to know as if i had some mind reading power!!!There are times I asked God to give me one more chance with yoy so I could make you happy perhaps I would eventually be happy too.Well am glad God does His own plans for us otherwise I would have run insane with the tonnes of thinking I was doing.I forgave myself during that time and I also learnt to forgive yoy because I had to leave you for me to live.

      But you know my dear,you are full of surprises,you are like a pop corn machine that just won't stop popping!!!After I had closed the 'you' chapter in my life,you managed to get back in my life and told me your heart still desired me.I don't know what kind of person you are.Am thinking are we meant to stay in eachothers lives for ever??When we are together as a couple we have issues,still when we are apart we still have issues.why???you puzzle me my dear!You only want me when you can't have me and when am available you don't want me.Now I don't know who or what makes you think that my life is on a pause waiting for you to get done with whatever you are working on and find my arms open to receive you because that's a lie my dear.I have a life to live whether you are in it or not.see..it's not that I don't love you because I do,always had and probably always will but but i have decided that no more tears these eyes of mine will cry fior you.I won't lie for a moment there when you confessed your un dieing love for me I was throwing a party in my head that I had got you back, I mean all I ever wanted was your love...right??But the party stopped because am all mature now and taking off time for me.Time to fullfill want I desire and enjoy the beauty of my life without you giving me heart attacks.paranoia and your other side effects.All these beep bop games have to stop.no more playing games with my emotions,am done playing (In fact I was never playing in the first instance)so you better find another playmate.Meanwhile on a lighter note,hope this letter finds you in good peace.with love......me....=)