Broken: The Summer (Prologue)

This all started last year in the summer, I had started to get a few upsets with my digestion and in my stomach area but other than that, life itself was great! It was that late morning when he had just came home from a night out with his friends. We young couples enjoyed our nights out but within reason of course, we knew how to be sensible like that. He came into our bedroom unusually slow, as if he was lost on another planet. Something was wrong, he hadn't drank enough alcohol to seem hungover.

A sudden rush of panic engulfed me and I had to ask him what was going on. He dismissed me at first so I asked again, this time even more determined. And that was when my boyfriend had told me... that a friend of his was going to die of cancer. There was absolutely nothing anyone could have done for her any more.

I was in a slight shock; stunned silence echoed throughout my body as my head spun out of control in disbelief. My eyes widened, my breath got heavier, palms sweating in panic and the void that had filled my body shocked me to the point of desperate emptiness.
What?... WHAT? had echoed in alarm throughout my head. Hot liquids had filled my eyes as my words were trapped in my throat. I tried to say something, but nothing, not even a single note had left my lips. I didn't get to grips with what he had told me, I couldn't, but that was reality; that was our reality.

Say something to support him, quickly! Do it because he needs that!

I want you to go see her as much as you can, it's the best way for you to let go and you can say good-bye, was what I was thinking except I didn't say it like that. I had feelings that that wasn't what he would do. I knew him well enough that he wouldn't go see her as much as he could. We weren't on the same wavelength from then on and he had began to change. In that point of life we both began to change. At that moment, I had such a bad feeling in the pits of my stomach and from then on I knew things wouldn't be going so smoothly any more.

I walked over to him as he knelt in front of the mirror and I just held him there in my arms. For a moment there it felt warm and nurturing, but then I noticed the tears that had started to swell up in his eyes. I felt uneasy. As his girlfriend and best friend I had felt pressured because I knew that I had to support him the best I could. He is my darling! He must be feeling so terrible about all of this especially to cry in front of me but I didn't know what to do! There wasn't anything that I could have said or done that would have helped him in any way possible. I knew he wouldn't listen to a single word I had to say.

Help... someone, help! Someone help us, please? I'm praying for us.

His friend must have been suffering like this for a long time now. So many thoughts had been dancing around in my head as if they were taunting me. I felt dizzy and my head had gotten very light. I'm SO sorry! I didn't know, you should have told me sooner! Why couldn't you tell me! Why wouldn't you? Why? That wasn't the time to ask him all those silly, crazy questions I had. Perhaps that chance to ask him will never exist.

I pleaded softly to him, "Please go and see her as much as you can, you can see me any time later. I'll come with you if you want?"

Later on in the month I had started getting more ill myself without knowing what was the reason behind it. I slimmed dramatically and my pale complexion was revealed to all my friends and family. Despite everything, I battled to maintain a healthy body even though my stomach cramped and restricted my physical ability to do things I'd normally do everyday. My bowel habits had changed dramatically and quickly. On some days I had found blood after a bowel movement. There hadn't been a day that I didn't have a bowel movement, not one that didn't hurt any ways. They were excruciatingly painful. I loved my food and really appreciated everything that I got on my plate, but my body had started to reject the food. Slowly each day I ate less and even less.

What was happening to me?

Everyone had told me it was just stress, including my doctor. I was very confused as to why my body was experiencing such a dramatic change.

Is this normal? No, wait, it's not!

I couldn't eat because my stomach was rejecting the food and the times that I could it would come straight out of me! A few simple tests and check-ups were ran on my body to investigate the unknown cause, but nothing. My abdominal pains had become really severe and my boyfriend was no longer there to hold me. I couldn't run to him like I used to and I couldn't get the same love and attention that I used to get from him. He wasn't there for me any more. He kept telling me that he didn't care about anything, and then I started realised he soon won't give a damn about me. The love of my life had become my Kryptonite; he had slowly started to weaken me.

Feeling like a neglected child, it seemed like the world encompassed me in a notion of darkness; dark swirl pools of anger and the lonely bitter coldness that comes hand in hand with it. A marriage of the two darkest feelings a person could endure was born.

I was on my own and I was alone.

There was no one who could help me now. My abdominal pains had amplified increasing my difficulty to concentrate at college and at work. I had realised not only my emotions clouded my judgements but also my physical ability to continue each day as if it was normal became a real challenge.

My boyfriend and I fell into arguments. I wasn't being supportive of him and he released all my emotions towards him: anger, frustration, confusion and even my depression. It wasn't fair at all, not after what he told me.

We moved out of our home, our first home together! I had begged for him not to go but he had to, to be closer to his University which I had to understand. I had to understand that. We were still together as a couple but I couldn't move out because I couldn't financially fund it. I then moved back home to my parent's house.

We had had major plans to move out and live together, it was our dream and ambition, well I suppose it's just my burden to bear now: to live happily together with our future children in an amazingly happy home. That was the goal... back then. He's gone now and things have changed...