Mary From Down the Lane

MARY FROM DOWN THE LANE



‘Did you hear?’

‘Hear what?’

‘Did you hear about Mary?’

‘Hear what about Mary who?’

‘Mary, you know, Mary from down the lane’

‘Which Mary from down the lane?’

‘How many Marys do you know who live down the lane?’

‘Well, three actually’

‘Three?  There’s only one Mary from down the lane.  Ah jeezus, Mary and Joseph, you must be going mad’

‘Am not’

‘Then, name three Marys from down the lane’

‘Mary O’Toole, Mary Madigan, and Mary…err…you know …Paddy’s sister’.

‘I knew you were going mad.  Paddy’s sister moved to Dublin in 1986’

‘She did not! I saw her at the very house she grew up in down the lane just last month!’

‘Last month was Christmas and she was just visiting her mum!’

‘That so?’

‘T’is’

‘Well then, there are two Marys from down the lane. So which one are you asking about?’

‘No, there’s only one Mary from down the lane.  Mary Madigan joined the Coast Guard and now lives at sea’

‘You don’t say.’

‘I do say’

‘So, then you must be asking about Mary…Mary O’Toole…the only Mary left from down the lane.’

‘Well, I am talking about Mary O’Toole.  Did you hear about Mary O’Toole?’

‘I did. I heard that her brother is coming back from the States in April to stay with her for a while.’

‘Her brother is not coming back from the States in April.’

‘He is, so says Margaret McMullen’s’

‘Margaret Mullins!  That wagon has less sense than a scalded cat. He’s not coming back and if he does, it’ll be the first time a dead man takes a plane back to Ireland.’

‘Are you saying dead men leave Ireland in planes?’

‘No!  I’m saying her brother is dead’

‘He’s dead?’

‘Yes he is, so he won’t be visiting Mary.’

‘Does Mary know?’

‘Does she know? Well, of course, she knows! She went to the funeral when he died, last summer.’

‘Last summer?  I didn’t know Mary from down the lane went to the States last summer.’

‘Did you not?’

‘No’

‘Well, she did.’

‘Oh, well then, what is it you were going to tell me about Mary O’Toole from down the lane?’

‘She died last night’

‘Jeezus, Mary, and Joseph, you don’t say’

‘I do say, and I say “what a tragedy”’

‘There we all go but for the love of God.’

‘Amen’

‘You know what this means’

‘What’

‘There actually are no Marys from down the lane anymore.’