Awakening

All throughout that weekend, I wanted nothing more than just to lay in bed, curled up in a ball, and cry until I couldn’t cry anymore.
When Monday morning came around, I woke up feeling so sick, I would have thought my internal organs were turning inside out.
I hurled so hard, my body was going into convulsions any time my head went into the toilet.
In a way I was glad that I got sick; that way I didn’t have to go to school and see Andrew with Nicole, that filthy whore.
I stayed lying in bed, pulling the covers around my suddenly shivering body, when the phone rang.
It was Collin asking why I wasn’t there at the bus stop.
“I’m really sick. I’m not going to school today.”
“Oh. Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah. Eventually. Hey, is Andrew there, you know, with Nicole?”
Collin hesitated.
“Yeah.”
My heart sank and I could feel the tears brim my eyes.
“Oh.”
“Don’t worry about them, Katherine. Get better, okay?”
I said I would, and then hung up the phone.
I couldn’t believe it; it had only been Friday that I found out the truth.
Andrew was seeing Nicole when we were together, and even worse, on my birthday when he was supposed to come over to celebrate with my family.
I could just feel the depression sink in further into my soul, and I cried more.

I finally got better (I guess it was like a twenty-four bug or something), but my heart still felt like it was barely hanging on by the seams.
Tuesday morning, I met with Colin at the bus stop.
Andrew was there with Nicole.
I felt so much sadness, but at the same time, I felt so much anger and the first hint of rage boiling to the surface.
That’s when I feel her stir inside me for the first time; Raina was pissed.
I swallowed all those emotions and promised myself that I would confront him.
Soon, I thought,  I’ll get my answers.
The day dragged on, and I sent small prayers to God asking for a chance to talk to Andrew, but when I got the chance, I didn’t take it.
I was about to confront him about that slut, but like the coward I am, I didn’t say a word.
Instead, I turned away so he couldn’t see my tears.
Instead, I waited until Collin came on the bus so that I wouldn’t have to pay any attention to Andrew.
Collin sat next to me, took out his CD player, put an ear bud in my ear, and cranked up the volume.
I smile at him, “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
I find comfort when I’m with him; Collin adjusts himself on the seat and asks if I could rub his head.
“Eww, but your hair is gross!”
“It’s not that bad!” he complains.
I laugh,“Okay."
And for that brief moment, I forget that Andrew is two seats behind me, making out with Nicole, the skank.

Wednesday was like the day before: I met with Collin at the bus stop; Andrew was there with that whore, and I turned away so I wouldn’t have to see the way he was looking at her with admiration.
I swear I was going to be sick all over again.
But by fourth period, I couldn’t take the pain.
The throbbing sensation made it feel like there was a hole in my heart and the edges were still raw.
I felt such incredible sadness, but like before, I can feel sheer rage.
I can feel her; hear her whisper softly that this was the time to see Andrew, to say the things that were needed.
Katherine was terrified of what he would say to her, but Raina kept reassuring me.
Say what I want you say and I promise that everything will be alright. Everything will be just fine.   
And so I came to the conclusion that I had to confront Andrew.

Before the bell for sixth period rang, I dropped my bag at my desk and leave the room to wait by Andrew’s class.
The noise is so loud in the hallway, it gives me a headache.
I see Mark hanging out with his friends.
I know he has class with Andrew, so I ask him if he could call him out for me.
Seconds later, Andrew steps out with a haunted look in his face.
Raina loves how his face contorts when he hears my voice.
“We need to talk.”
“Yeah, um, can we talk at lunch?”
I can feel pure anger; hear it ringing in my ears, making all other sound disappear.
“Fine.”
Raina storms away, feeling so much pleasure by causing Andrew some sort of pain, but Katherine isn’t sure she likes seeing him that way.
It’s only a matter of time, and he’s all ours.

Sixth period came and went like a flash of light, and Katherine starts to panic.
I can’t do this. I can’t confront him.
Raina is disgusted by my cowardice.
She wants Andrew to suffer like he made me suffer for days and she won’t settle for less.
I meet with my friends at our lunch table and inform them of what I’m going to do.
Meg and Jen are concerned about me; I can see it on their faces.
“I have to do this.”
Unfortunately, Andrew doesn’t show up.
Katherine is relieved, but Raina is pissed that he stood me up.
Then, out of nowhere, Sebastian rounds the corner with Andrew at his heels.
“He’s ready to talk to you”, he tells me.
Raina flickers behind my eyes and Andrew takes a small step back, afraid of what I might do, I think.
I stand and walk out the building with him trailing behind me, being sure not to get to close to me.
Outside, my head clears just a little, and Raina speaks through me.
“So what the hell is going on?”
He hesitates, turns away from me and says he doesn’t know, that he ‘guesses’ he’s dating Nicole.
“OH! And what about me?” I demand.
He turns to look at me then and says with such a harsh tone, “Well what did you expect, Katherine? That we would get married someday, buy a house with a dog, squeeze out a couple of kids?”
That makes me take a step back and the pain in my heart starts smoldering, searing the edges of my heart.
Katherine feels completely destroyed and Raina wants to attack him for saying that.
I swallow hard, “So what now?”
“I don’t know.”
Raina wants to take over, but Katherine stays in control and cowers away from him and says nothing.
We stay outside not sure what to say to the other with the tension building so thick, it gets hard to breathe.
Finally he makes a move toward the doors, “I have to go.”
I feel completely defeated. “Yeah.”
Andrew turns back to me with an expression on his face that resembles mockery; Raina is furious that he would even think to be funny.
“Look, Katherine, if it will make you feel better, you can hit me as hard as you want.”
Raina is itching for that piece of action, but Katherine, being the weak coward that she is, just wants to feel his arms around her for one last time.
The hug is incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, so we part and go our separate ways.
Raina is pissed that Katherine would do that. What was wrong with me?
I go on the rest of the day wallowing in pity.
Why couldn’t I just hit Andrew like I wanted to? Why couldn’t I make him feel the pain that he was making me feel?
But I already knew the answer to that: I still loved him.