Extensive rewrite of someones script.

Sitting behind a scantly decorated desk is RICK ELOVICH, notorious for his sharp tongue, hairy arms, and fiery outbursts. The stage is divided into two sections; now lit is an UPSTAGED office divided by a door, the right of which will later serve as independent artist DYLAN apartment.


RICK

(on the phone)

You woulnd't believe the kind of bullshit I've dealt with today, Ronnie. I feel like a Jewish Simon Cowell on American idol trying to ease Mel Gibson into the idea that he can’t sing for shit- yeah, & the worst of it all is they actually think they can make it! After so many years in this game, - you’re absolutely right Ronnie- passion? Ridiculous, I don’t where these fucks think it up- One second Ronnie, KATE!- it's not about talent, I’ve always said it, No, not “drive” either, it's about, presence &…what the shit, 'KATE!' about commitment and sacrifice &- KATE! about- KATELYN! Jesus, hold on Ronnie, I’ll call you a little later- no Ronnie- not in the goddamn office, Christ, didn’t that little skank of yours teach you any manners? OF COURSE I have an attractive assistant, listen, Ronnie, I’ll call you later you son of a bitch. KATELYN!

KATE

(visibly flustered)

Rick. Oh-

RICK

If I ever have to yell for you more than three times again like that to get your attention I’m just going to assume you’re dead- falling off that chair, pale as shit- as useless to me as you are now. Anyways, what's with all that ruckus going on out there, Jesus Christ, I have a migraine the size of my fathers prostate from this sour music…& will you stop smiling? Your happiness makes me feel worse.

KATE

(starts to massage Ricks Temples)

You know there’s nothing we can do about the artists you’ve interviewed already.

RICK

You’re right.

KATE

Might as well forget them.

RICK

Forget who?

KATE

Just…release &-

RICK

Ohm-…..Ohm-….

KATE

But this next ones different.

RICK

Ohm- mmmhmm…

KATE

He’s got a really… a really pure energy…

RICK

Mhhmmm- you learn that shit in yoga?

KATE

He’s going to sign the contract an-

RICK

Wait a minute, who are you talking about?

KATE

The one who just walked in.

RICK

What do you mean the one who just walked in, I thought we had finished

KATE

He came in after your cousin Ronnie called-

RICK

Well tell him to get out!


KATE

I can’t tell him to get out!

RICK

What do you mean you ‘can’t tell him to get out’? You’re my assistant, the only thing you should know how to do is obey - me.


KATE

I promised him you’d listen

RICK

Well that makes you a liar and an idiot doesn’t it?

KATE

Oh c’mon Rick, you should really listen to him play, he’s really got talent!

RICK

Got you all riled up does he? Like the way he smiles at you, huh, you sly little man-eater…- so you think he’s the next, ‘the one’, again, hmm?

KATE

Well…not to marry or anything, but I do think he’s exactly what you’re looking for.

RICK

And how is that you know what I’m looking for? Last time I thought about it I was looking for a nice little scheme to play and a place on the beach in a non-extradition island nation… does he have that for me, hmm?

KATE

No… But I’m your “assistant” Mr.Elovich … I know what you’re really looking for… I’ve read over the contract…we can really hype this one, he’s got it, I know it …we can make this one work.

RICK

Alright, pitch it… how do you know?

KATE

He’s different from the rest.

RICK

Oh the rest, listen get him out of here... I’m not even sure why I’m listening you…

KATE

I meant- he’s the kind of person that you just know is going to make it just by looking them in the eye- just-

RICK (Interrupting her)

Now I know.

KATE

Know what?

RICK

Why I’m listening to you… god damn it I love your legs in that skirt.

KATE

Please Rick, just a few minutes



RICK

You know you’re too good for all these artists we get in here… I really hate to see how you trip around shiny-eyed for every John Lennon wannabe bum that doesn’t shave for a month.

.KATE

I’ve seen him perform. This is business.

RICK

Katelyn. It’s been a long day. For both of us. Nothing good can come of this. Now, let’s go get ourselves a drink.

KATE

His name’s DYLAN, and I PROMISE, I’ll let you take me out for a drink after this.


RICK

Let me? I knew I shouldn’t have complimented you earlier… makes you cheeky. Alright, fuck it. Send him in…. but don't expect me to play nice with your latest lover.

KATE

You're so obnoxious.


EXIT KATE, ENTER DYLAN.



DYLAN

Good evening, Mr...Elovich…..Nice desk you got there.

RICK

It isn't nice at all. In fact, I hate this god damn thing.

Dylan stays standing. An awkward standstill.


RICK

Sit.

Dylan places his SONGBOOK on Rick’s desk.

RICK

What's this?

DYLAN

Ah- good question, but difficult to answer; A collection. lyrics, poems… and a musical… it’s about a married couple with hypergraphia, it’s a disease that-

RICK

I don’t give a fuck what it is. Listen I KNOW what this thing is, I just want to know WHY it's on my ‘nice’ desk.

DYLAN

Huh?

RICK

Artists… you write all over the goddamn place, but you don’t get simple questions?


DYLAN

What?


RICK

WHAT?!


DYLAN

Do you want to hear a song?


RICK

No.


DYLAN

I'll play you something.


RICK

I don't want to hear anything.


DYLAN

You seem a bit stressed, is everything alright?

RICK

Well aren’t you cool; real wise guy with his musicals… all right Buddy Holly, play me a song- My favorites the one about the reindeer with the handicap, you know that one?

DYLAN

(begins to play, ignoring Rick)


RICK

Okay stop.

DYLAN

But-

RICK

That's enough.

DYLAN

It goes on.

RICK

It's enough.

DYLAN

(Plays)

RICK

You can stop now.

DYLAN

(playing)

RICK

You think you'vee got what it takes kid?

DYLAN

(playing)

RICK

You don't have what it takes...if you sign with me you gatta fix your hair,

change your clothes, play a new guitar, sing the right songs and

sign the fucking contract, understood?

::Music Rises::

RICK

You know what. I like that, that was pretty good, it made me feel like shooting everyone I hated in the face with a fucking blowtorch. You can get the fuck out now.


KATE OPENS THE DOOR FOR DYLAN TO EXIT- outside the office:

KATE

Hey-

DYLAN

Real nice guy you're working with in there-

KATE

Oh… he grows on you- really… he’s sweet once you get to know him.

DYLAN

You doing anything tonight?

KATE

Um...

DYLAN

I’m playing with a couple friends at the district, you should come by

KATE

Is that an invitation?

DYLAN

If not it’s an invitation’s twin brother... you like invitations?

KATE

Depends on who's inviting me…

DYLAN

Well then i'll catch ya later won't I?

KATE

Well I can't make any promises-

DYLAN

(offstage)

Oh… I like lying too. Cya.

BLACKOUT, END OF SCENE ONE, AUDIO MONTAGE