The Lighthouse

When the worst would occur, when it became as dark as it could be between us, I would find myself retreating into myself. I discovered that I could find an excuse to stay at the office late night after night, work saturdays, and keep myself from her drama through daily life. Since she went to bed early most nights, exhausted, I went to bed too, laying night after night and selfishly dreaming of the day when MY pain would be gone.

One afternoon, I saw a photo. The photo was of a lighthouse. I was immediately caught by the beauty of the photo, and the symbolism. It was one of those 'HD' photos, where the colors and the details were highlighted sharply. The light from the lighthouse emanated from the top like spokes of a wheel. I believe it was timelapsed, since it looked like the lights were reaching out, trying to find someone and help them on their way.

I can't post the photo, but here is a link where you can see it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jay_que/301153387/

Lighthouses help you see your way when it's dark. They are a point on the horizon that you can aim for when moving through a storm.

I took this picture, printed it out, and hung it in my office. I set it as my computer wallpaper. I happened to receive a calendar in the mail ( one of those cheap free ones..) and it was pictures of... lighthouses...I was at a friends house, and they had this amazing photo of a lighthouse in their living room. Lighthouses just kept appearing in my life...

One afternoon, She saw that photo of the lighthouse on my computer, and asked... "Why do you keep putting lighthouses everywhere?" "I keep seeing them around..."

I winced, thinking "here it comes... another reason to be belittled, and told I am an idiot for thinking this way. I summed up my courage, and I told her "because they help you see your way when it's dark."..

She said nothing. She turned and walked away. She never mentioned all the lighthouses again.

Was she letting me have my way in the dark?.. did she care?.. did she want her own guidance?..