Special Education- Tale 2

Special Education

By Reid M. Haynes

Disclaimer: Dragon Ball/Dr. Slump is the property of Akira Toriyama, TOEI ANIMATION, and various other companies, as well as all characters within. I am using them without permission, and I am making no money off of them.

Legend:
( ) Denotes thoughts.
{ } Denotes sound effects.

Tale 2: Robot Carnival

*****

         Kame-Sen'nin's rickety old watercraft putted around the shoreline, slowing down as it prepared to dock. The old man parked in the shallow surf, and Goku, Arale, Kuririn, Lunch, and Kame-Sen'nin himself poured out of the crowded boat onto the sandy beaches. The ride over had been a cramped affair for most of the group, and Goku and Arale had gone through every type of horseplay imaginable before had even reached the halfway point. Kuririn in particular had been jostled around as the duo playfully pinched and flicked each other, and Kame-Sen'nin's thoughts shifted back jealously to Sea Turtle, who certainly was having a more relaxing, if slower trip through the ocean.

         It was the big island again, the sleepy home of around a few hundred people, and the site of Goku and Kuririn's previous training. Stretching out for a few kilometers in forests and cottages, big was a relative term, and it had probably had already gotten too small for his two students. Still, the ferocious tigers and sharks should be able to give newcomer Arale a hard time. It was the perfect thing to pound some of that beginner's sass out of her.

         "Hoo, good to stretch the old legs a bit," the old man huffed, straightening up in what he hoped was a dignified matter. "Lunch, be a dear and set up the capsule house in the usual spot."

         Kame-Sen'nin tossed the Hoi Poi capsule to Lunch, who cheerfully received it open-palm, and started towards the center of the island to set up Kame House. The old man watched her go for a bit, then straightened his sunglasses. "Well now, I think there's time to get in some quick training before lunch." He cleared his throat. "Don't you think so?"

         "Go-kun, it jiggles and wiggles!" Arale laughed, poking at a pile of poo with a stick. "Like gelatin!"

         "Whoa, it has a face on it," Goku noted, staring at the oblivious joy on the features of the animal droppings.

         "I'm talking here!" Kame-Sen'nin hollered, bringing Arale back to attention for a moment. Then, Goku lost his balance and fell face first into the poo pile with a splat, and the girl starting howling with mirth.

         "I wonder if we've fulfilled our criteria for bathroom humor this chapter?" Kuririn murmured, easing over to the old man.

         "Alright, alright, enough already!" Kame-Sen'nin shook his head a few times, trying to regain control of himself. "Arale, would you please come here for a quick exercise?"

         "Okay!" Arale responded easily, strolled over to the old master as Goku wiped the poo off his face with a palm leaf. She waited in front of Kame-Sen'nin, rocking back and forth on her heels like a hyper schoolkid on a field trip.

         Kame-Sen'nin sighed, and looked inland at his surroundings on the isle. At the end of the beach, there was a small grassy plain with a single palm tree, a little over one hundred meters away. He smiled at his fortune.

         "Okay, we're going to have a little test of your current abilities," he explained to the girl, pointing over to the distant palm. "Two quick sprints, to the tree and back. We'll get to see just what we're working with here."

         He rummaged through his pockets for the stopwatch. Once he had his finger on the start button, he turned back to Arale. "Alright Arale, ready, set..." Kame-Sen'nin blinked; the space where Arale had previously occupied was suddenly vacant. "Wha...where'd she go?" he goggled, searching the beach for the four-eyed girl.

         "Uh, master?" Kuririn tugged on the old man's shorts, looking out towards the plains.

         "Hey Mr. Turtle Man, was I supposed to run now?" Arale called out from the palm tree one hundred meters inland. "Run now? Run later? Huh, huh?"

         "Darn it, would you hold still for one second?" Kame-Sen'nin's teeth gnashed in frustration. Huffing and puffing, he jogged across the hundred or so meters that Arale had apparently cleared in less than two seconds.

         "Heh heh, still real fast!" Goku smiled, trotting behind him.

         "Ho ho, so you've done some running before, eh?" Kame-Sen'nin laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his bald head.

         "Uh huh!" a distant cheer emanated from behind him. The old man whirled to the sound of the voice, and discovered that Arale was all the way back at the beach again. Growling under his breath, he rushed on over to the shoreline, with Goku hot on his heels. His eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

         "Heh heh!" Arale gave him a Cheshire Cat grin. "If all your training's this easy, then I don't have much to learn from you!"

         "Oh?" Kame-Sen'nin gasped in mock surprise. Then, he swiftly punted Arale into the air like a star quarterback. "Still a bit light on defense, though," he observed.

         "HOYOOOooo...!" the girl hooted as she shot into the air like a rocket, disappearing among some of the lower clouds in the stratosphere.

         "Wow, up she goes!" Goku gasped, following his girlfriend's flight path. Crouching for a moment to build power, he launched skywards after Arale.

         Kame-Sen'nin fell to the ground in a slump, defeat welling up in his heart. He absently plucked up a conch shell from the ground, rolling his finger through its hollow interior. "So much for early morning training," the old man grumbled, putting the shell to his ear. "I supposed she'll be down any moment..."

         "Flying lemur attack!" a cry from the heavens rang through Kame-Sen'nin's ears. He looked above to find Arale gliding across the sky in a marsupial costume, bearing down on him like a Zero fighter plane. In her hands was a vast collection of poo piles, ranging from the mini-turds to the mega-dumps.

         "Not quite as fast as Kinto'un, but it's okay," Goku added, riding on the girl's back like she was some sort of fantasy beast. "Hey, did ya want to do something with this thing?" he asked, holding another poo pile for her inspection.

         Kame-Sen'nin took one more moment to admire the duo's graceful alight before taking off with Kuririn amidst a shower of poo piles. Running at Mach 1, they made good time to Kame House, where Lunch was busy sweeping off the porch. "Oh, Muten-Roshi, I finished setting up the house!" she chimed, coming up to greet them. "Is there anything else you need for me...to...do?" Her speech faltered as she followed the retreating fighters with her slowly widening eyes.

         "Add trip lasers in the bathrooms," Kame-Sen'nin tossed behind him, making for the open door. "I want all poo pile occurrences on these premises monitored 24/7."

         "Bathroom humor is back with a vengeance, Lunch!" Kurinin cried, slamming the door.

         Lunch put a hand to her cheek. "Oh my!"

*****

         "Alright, this should be a simple task even for someone hyper like you." Kame-Sen'nin stared down at Arale, who looked back with apparent understanding. "Milk delivery. A nice bit of exercise and responsibility for the upcoming martial artist."

         "Milk, milk, it's good for your heart!" Arale agreed with a nod.

         They were at their neighbor's capsule cottage, ready to pick up a fresh load of milk. The bottles sweated with condensation as Kame-Sen'nin retrieved the last case from from the goat man selling them. The sun was blazing high above them, and it wouldn't take very long for them to lose their chill, and their value. The old man trusted that Arale would have enough energy to keep going all the way, but he was sure she'd start to tire towards the last few legs of the delivery route, so he would be sure to keep them going at a brisk pace.

         "That's a big load for just that one little girl," the goat man pointed out to the old master. "You sure you don't want to get any extra help for this?"

         "My students must be able to stand alone," Kame-Sen'nin boasted with his hands on his hips. "Sister's gotta do it for herself." Goku and Kuririn had been shooed off earlier to do some training of their own while he continued working with Arale. The girl was already proving to be easily distracted, so it would probably do her good to have a little time away from those two.

         "Well, that's the last of them," the old man said, turning back to Arale. "Ready to get started, Arale?"

         (GUNK GUNK GUNK!) Arale was engaged in Vitamin D renewal, chugging down milk bottles one after another. "Milk milk, it's good for your heart!" she sang, her voice echoing through the inside of the bottle. "The more you drink, the more you blUUUGGGH!!!" She choked on the suds and shot out streams of milk through her nostrils.

         "I thought I told you to carry those!" Kame-Sen'nin roared, getting within a hair's breath of Arale's face. "I already signed a contract to have them delivered!"

         "But the chocolate stuff's really good," Goku argued, who had somehow materialized from the side with a bottle of brown milk. "Say, what's chocolate, anyway?"

         "What are YOU doing here?!" Kame-Sen'nin harangued, starting to feel like he was yelling at a bunch of coconuts. "You're supposed to be training on your own!"

         The monkey boy just shrugged. "Arale-chan said milk was good for your bones," he told him, promptly going back to the bottle. "I was kinda thirsty, anyway."

         "Muten-Roshi, you idiot!" the goat man hollered, his large maw crumpled up in an unmistakable scowl. "You're paying for every one of those!"

         Kame-Sen'nin palmed his face. (I could've been curled up in bed today with a good porno,) he reflected, regretting all the opportunities missed in favor of this continuing farce.

         "Hey Arale." Kuririn ran up to the group from the turnip fields, carrying two boxes. "I got the costumes that you wanted from the comic book store. I don't think there's a clear space for the Giant Monsters game you want to play, though."

         "Thanks-cha!" Arale received the packages with a smile. "We'll just use the turnip field out back! I'm sure no one will mind, even if all the turnips are ripe."

         As Kame-Sen'nin struggled to find words that fit this situation, Arale opened the boxes, pulling out a Godzilla costume and a King Kong costume. "You can be the monkey man," she decided, handing Goku the Kong costume.

         "Feels kinda familiar." Goku ran his hands through the faux-fur of the body suit. "Weird."

         The girl took one last swig from her milk bottle. "Hey, we're done with the milk now!" she said, tossing the bottle aside to crash into a hundred pieces. "Let's go play!"

         And with that, Arale, Goku, and Kuririn took off towards the turnip field for a fantasy romp, leaving behind three gutted cases of milk, more than a dozen empty bottles scattered across the porch and front steps, and the shattered reality of Kame-Sen'nin's fiscal situation.

         "That's my turnip field, you know." the goat man said, lurking from behind the old man's back like the unkosher shadow of Death.

         "Eh heh heh heh," Kame-Sen'nin chuckled, inwardly dreading the loss of money soon to come.

*****

         ("C'mon, Obotchaman-kun! I'll show you something cool!")

         ("Miss Arale, please slow down! It's only just after breakfast!")

         ("Kyahaha! Turtle, turtle!")

         ("If only you would wait for a bit. You have so much energy...!")

         Obotchaman woke from his dream with a quaking head, half wishing he was still asleep. Wobbling to his feet, he wiped the sand off his rumpled polo shirt and surgically straightened the bow tie that was the cusp of his debonair apparel. Even in such squalid surroundings, he was a gentleman, and it wouldn't do to present himself in such a condition. As the trusted companion of a princess, it was even less appropriate.

         Immediately, he scanned the desert campgrounds for Chi-Chi, his eyes brushing over the charred embers of last night's fire, and the chicken bones from Yamcha and Pu'ar's dinner. As he peered inside the cave where the bandit duo slept, the tomb of his mind flipped through to the recent events in his life. For one thing, he wasn't quite sure how they had come to share their adversaries' hospitality, but in the end, Obotchaman was of a forgiving nature. Only a few grudges were worth having, especially at this stage in his journeys.

         It had been a hard couple of weeks for both Obotchaman and Chi-Chi. After Arale and Goku had left, there was little reason for either of them to rot away in Penguin Village or Fry-Pan Mountain. They had a shared experience in the whole ordeal, so a certain understanding had developed between them. It was short order for the two to take a brief sabbatical in each other's company, and together, he supposed they were doing fairly well.

         Moving around to the other side of the mountain, the young lad found Chi-Chi leaning against a rock ledge and combing her hair. "Gonna get a husband, do do bap de de!" the girl hummed, stroking her long black tresses with the same care he had shown his bow tie. "He's a mighty man, eee hee!" Her eyes glittered over with newfound hopes and dreams, an expression that suited her.

         Obotchaman smiled, happy his friend was coming back to herself. "Salutations, Miss Chi-Chi," he called out, walking into the afternoon sun to announce his presence. "It's another wonderful day in the lovely...er, desert."

         Chi-Chi beamed. "Hi, Obotchaman!" she greeted in return, waving at him with her hairbrush. "I was just gonna getcha up." She reached over to a plate sitting beside her. "Help yerself to the dinosaur biscuits I made!" The young princess presented him with the breakfast food, smelling strongly of broiled Tyrannosaurus.

         "Much thanks." The boy eagerly took the proffered morsel with a smile. Even though he had traveled with Chi-Chi for only a short while, he found her culinary skill to be exquisite.

         "It's gonna be the last meal I make for ya," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "I got myself a husband, and now I'm gonna cook for him!"

         Obotchaman raised his eyebrow. "That dark haired fellow?" he supposed, scratching his chin. "Is he not a bit scruffy for a Princess?"

         "Naw, he's just rough aroun' the edges." Chi-Chi waved him off with a smile. "I'm gonna show him to Dad, and get him to pay for his dental hygiene."

         "If you insist." He relented, his eyes trailing off to the side.

         The young lady clasped her hands together. "Finally, I'll be able to make use of all the wedding preparation I read about in magazines from drugstores!" she carried on, focusing on the future. "It'll be a big western-style wedding, with all the warrior clans from our side of the family. And you can be the man of honor, when I give you an invitation, that is! It'll be so great!"

         Obotchaman sighed wistfully. They had both gone through the loss of their true loves, but as a princess, it was only natural that she would find love again before he would. Still, there was no point in begrudging her good fortune. "I wish you well in your romantic pursuits, Miss Chi-Chi," he told her, conjuring up a smile for her benefit.

         She returned his smile, albeit with more sincerity. Then she walked over to him, her dark eyes glimmering over with emotion. "Thanks for takin' care of me, Obotchaman," Chi-Chi said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're a good friend."

         She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, then danced off in rapturous bliss, her black hair fanning out behind her. Obotchaman grazed his cheek where Chi-Chi's lips had briefly touched.

         Perhaps, when he had time to reflect, he might be jealous in more ways than one.

         While mulling over this, Obotchaman wandered back over to the entrance of the cave, where Yamcha and Pu'ar were likely still sleeping. He figured he might as well give his benefactors a proper farewell before they left with Chi-Chi. As for where he would end up, who knew? Likely wandering alone again, missing both Chi-Chi and Arale greatly.

         As he made his way down the stairs to the bandits' den, he came into the middle of a conversation between Yamcha and his loyal squire. "Lord Yamcha, I finished hand-engraving the wedding gift for Lady Chi-Chi," Pu'ar was saying to him with obvious enthusiasm. "Expert craftsmanship!" The cat presented a cheap pendant to him, engraved with the letters Y and CC.

         Yamcha's face screwed up in disgust. "Shut up!" he barked, slapping the trinket out of his paws. "I don't care about that!"

         Obotchaman's breath caught in his throat at this violent action. He slipped out of sight behind the rock wall, and listened carefully. Something very important was happening here.

         "You don't?" Pu'ar continued, furrowing his brow in obvious confusion. "Then what are we hanging around her for?"

         "Don't you see, Pu'ar?" The teen spread his arms as if trying to encompass the entire cave. "The Ox King family has some of the most potent magical treasures in the world! If I have an in with their daughter, I'll get access to everything! Then, I can dump her as soon as I get a hold of them!"

         "But sir, I thought you didn't care about riches," the cat creature mentioned, looking like he was losing track of the flow of logic.

         "Of course not," Yamcha agreed. "But with the mystic power contained within those treasures, I'll able to increase my strength twenty fold. I'll have power the likes of which even the great Muten-Roshi can't contend with. And then I'll finally become a dark, brooding magician-like stud that Bulma will go out with! Bwahahaha!" He cackled like a mad man, throwing his head back and spreading his arms like an eagle's wings.

         "I think I miss when you were a spaz that was afraid of girls," Pu'ar deadpanned with a quick roll of his eyes.

         Obotchaman with livid, and he dispensed with all subtlety. "So this is the reason you approached Miss Chi-Chi," he rumbled, walking in with the stiff manner of a gentleman barely holding in his temper.

         "Lord Yamcha, we've been found out!" Pu'ar squealed, whiskers flaring. "The flirtatious fakeout has been foiled!"

         "Sheesh, I forgot about the other kid!" Yamcha chided himself, slamming his hand against the wall.

         "Did you not know how that young lady's heart was set upon you?!" The boy's voice was raised to almost a full yell. "I will protect Miss Chi-Chi!!"

         With that, he bolted out with a titanic punch set to pulverize the young bandit. Yamcha sucked in a quick intake of air, then darted off to the side to avoid the attack, which cracked the cave wall where Yamcha's head had previously been. {BRRRAK!!} Even as the debris from Obotchaman's earth-shattering attack spread through the air, the boy was on his opponent in the next instant with a spinning kick. The bandit jerked back, leaving the flying foot to embed itself within the rough stone. {SHONK!}

         Yamcha grit his teeth, his body taut with tension. "I don't have time for this!" he hissed, one rough tooth poking out from his lips like a fang. His body curved into a sleek, lupine pose, his eyes glinting in the dull light. He tightened his leaden stare on his approaching opponent, and curled his fingers into claws.

         As Obotchaman's dashed within range, the bandit intercepted with his specialty move. "ROGAFUFUKEN!!!" he cried, ravaging the boy's body with a hundred ripping strikes. {SKASH SKASH SKASK!} As Obotchaman teetered from the onslaught, Yamcha delivered an open palm thrust that propelled the boy clear across the cave. {KRAAAK!} His back shattered the wall behind him with a dull crunch, and he slid down to the earthen floor in a heap, his breathing shallow and weak.

         Yamcha regarded his fallen foe for a brief moment, then tore towards the cave entrance. "I knew the dark seduction idea was going to be a flop with those junior-high rejects!" he bit out, grinding his teeth together. He peeled Pu'ar off the cave wall, who had been paralyzed since the conflict began. "Pu'ar, new plan!" Yamcha ordered him. "We're going to Fry Pan mountain and looting everything there! Bulma will have her Byronic Hero one way or another!"

         "Y-yes sir!" Pu'ur was quick on the uptake, taking position once again as Yamcha's floating familiar.

         Obotchaman struggled to his feet, as he heard the desert bandits' hovercraft hissing outside. As he stumbled up the stars to the entrance, he arrived with just enough time to watch futilely as the duo took to the sands, heading further west. They vanished behind the rolling dunes, leaving the boy with only his thoughts, and a explanation to give to Miss Chi-Chi. (What will I tell her?) he wondered, a queasy feeling running throughout his body.

*****

         "Wow, Son-kun, you really did it!" Bulma's good humor came through unabashed, a wry smile tugging the corner of her mouth. "You got yourself a little starter girlfriend, and just your size too!"

         "Yup!" Goku smiled, his hand planted on Arale's back affectionately. "She's really neat, and a lot stronger than you are!"

         "Hmph!" The turquoise-haired inventor looked wounded, and turned away with a small huff. "We beautiful city girls are a lot more delicate than you rough 'n' tough country bumpkins!"

         "Don't we know it!" Kame-Sen'nin slipped up to Bulma with a pasty leer, an action at which Bulma chucked a sharp elbow at.

         Bulma had dropped by on her Capsule plane this afternoon to join Goku and company around the table. Her breakup with Yamcha had left her with an abundance of free time, and since she frequently skipped school, there was little reason for her to stay in the city. Together, the group was a oddball coalition of all ages and personality types, but they seemed to get along for the most part. Norimaki Arale remained the wild card, and Kame-Sen'nin and Kuririn waited at the edge of their seats to see how Bulma would react to her.

         "Well, well." Bulma took the old master's sexual advances relatively in stride. "Wish I could say I had better things to do than spend time with a dirty old man, but whatever."

         "You're the one who broke up with Yamcha a few weeks after you got back together with him," Kurinin pointed out, glaring at her with a certain contempt.

         "Hey, is it my fault that he's so completely boring that he makes pen and ink guys look better?" she snapped, bringing up the book wedged between her finger and thumb. "If guys would at least read some of the quality literature out there, they'd know what girls are looking for!"

         Kame-Sen'nin's eyes drifted over the front cover. "Ah, 'Twilight,' by Stephanie Meyer." He spoke in a reverent tone. "A fascinating tale of love and sacrifice. Always a top choice."

         "You like the part where the 104 year old vampire gets together with the 17 year old girl, don't you." Bulma peered over the top of the book with narrow eyes.

         "Hey, an old man is a old man." Kame-Sen'nin shrugged easily, shaking his head. "All us senior citizens need some lovin'."

         "At least Edward's skin sparkles!" she snapped at him. "Not like you wormy old toads!"

         Kuririn sighed. "I'm kinda sick of this bishonen bad boy talk," he groaned as he reached across the table for a corn muffin, moving aside Bulma's tote bag as he did so. Then, his eye surreptitiously flicked inside the bag's opening, to a short document printed on copy paper and stapled together. Before anyone could stop him, he quickly dove in and snagged the document. "'Love's Flaming Blossom,' an Avatar: The Last Airbender story by capsulegirl164," he read out loud, incredulous. "Jeez, Bulma, you write Zutara fanfiction too?"

         "Give me that!!" she growled, her hand clawing for the papers. "It hasn't been proofread yet!"

         "Let's see if it's even worth proofreading first," Kuririn said, his eyes coasting the fanfic for a random passage even as he pushed Bulma away.

-

         "Oh Zuko," Katara moaned as she melted against the side of her Fire Nation prince. "I'm so ready to become your Fire Lady."

         "You're the only fire in my heart, my feisty Water Tribe peasant." The handsome young man's words rolled off his tongue like a torch song, inciting and igniting the embers of her own heart.

         The lovely young lady sighed in rapturous bliss, as the two continued down the gangplank to Zuko's war ship. Then, Katara nearly toppled over as she felt a soft, porous substance give way under her foot. "Eww, gross!" she said, observing the yellow/orange gunk on her shoe. "I think I just stepped in Airbender!"

-

         "You fangirls are all alike!" Kuririn slammed the fanfic to the table in disgust. "Pounding out your bad boy fantasies, and leaving us with the dregs! I'll tell you, Zuko's a complete rube! A shmoe, a dolt!"

         "Oh, like she's really going to end up with Aang," Bulma spat, snatching back her story to rout its further criticism. "That little shrimp!"

         "Damn right!" Kuririn's eyes flashed with righteous fury. "Aang is an inspiration to all us short, bald-headed monks looking for girlfriends! We may not be as muscley as a Fire Nation prince, but we give as good as we get!" He rose from his seat, and struck a pose derivative of old martial arts flicks. "Airbending strike!!"

         "Hoyo-yo..." Arale blinked in confusion. "They're funny."

         "What's the big deal, anyway?" Goku wondered, looking at Arale. "Aren't you supposed to just find a girl you like, and kiss her?"

         He did just that, with Arale giggling as she accepted the kiss.

         "Yeesh, little brats kissing." Bulma made a face. "This is going to take some getting used to."

         "That's the Kataang way!" Kuririn cheered on his friend with gusto.

         "Hey, Go-kun said you were a scientist like Hakase!" Arale separated from Goku and turned to Bulma. "Like you make zap zap laser guns and stuff?"

         "Huh?" Bulma blinked, momentarily distracted from her anger. "Sure, but what does that have to do with anything?"

         "This." The smaller girl brought her hands to her neck. With a small 'oomph', she pulled her head straight off her shoulders and held it aloft for all to see.

         Bulma's eyes grew ten inches in diameter.

         "See, I used to be able to make my spin around, but Hakase made it so I could only turn around like a human because I was making everyone sick," she explained in a matter-of-fact tone. "But going spin-spin-spin was a lot of fun, so maybe you can fix it so I can do it again."

         "What the hell!?" Bulma screamed at the top of her lungs. "You're a robot!?"

         "Whoa!" Kuririn reared back in his seat, astonished. "It's sci-fi night at Orin Temple all over again!"

         "Very interesting," Kame-Sen'nin mused, raising his eyebrow. "A robot girlfriend. I'll have to let you borrow my Chobits collection sometime, Goku."

         "What wrong with robots?" Goku asked Bulma, chucking Arale's head under his arm like it was a basketball. "Hatchan's a robot, and he's pretty cool. He kinda thinks like we do, anyway. Don't you build robots, Bulma?"

         "What?!" The inventor reared back at his insinuations. "I am NOT having an argument about consciousness with you, Son Goku!"

         "But what about that story with the girl that had the yellow ribbon tied around her neck?" Arale's disembodied head insisted from its position under Goku's arm. "Her head fell off, but she still got married."

         "That was a horror story!" Bulma screamed, clutching her own neck as if, it too, had been severed. "It gave me nightmares all through first grade!"

         Bulma rose from her seat like a ramrod. "I've had about all I take of this!" she wailed, quickly stuffing her fanfic back into her bag. "I should've known that you all were a bunch of robot loving, Kataang writing, headless horseman from the very beginning!" She stormed out the door, slamming it hard enough to shake the frame of the house. "Good riddance!"

         A few moments later, they heard the telltale hum of an engine warming up. The group could see Bulma's capsule plane rising up from its position on the beach, and then jetting off towards the west in a streak of smoke.

         "What a prude," Kame-Sen'nin commented, taking a sip of his beer.

*****

         "But...but why, Obotchaman?" Chi-Chi's voice was weakening, as she slumped down on the edge of the mountain. "I...I thought he loved me. That was what he said, right? Didn't he said that, Obotchaman?"

         "I apologize." The boy's expression grew sober, as he knelt down to look his friend in the eye. "I wouldn't tell you this if it were any other way."

         She didn't meet his gaze. "I was going to make 'em a new scarf," Chi-Chi started trembling, her lips curling downwards. "His other one was gettin' kinda scrungy."

         Obotchaman lowered his head, feeling her shame at if it were his own.

         The young princess was not taking this well at all. Understandable, even without considering Son Goku, but since she was fresh from that sobering experience, it hit that much harder. As her body rocked in grief, Obotchaman felt his heart drop into his stomach. It was the worst possible thing that could've happened right now.

         Chi-Chi held the little locket, the one Pu'ar made in honor of her union with Yamcha. "I shouda known it was too good t' be true," she muttered, tears starting to form at the corner of her eyes. "I lost Goku to that otha' girl, and Yamcha doesn't like me either. I'm jes a boring gal that can't keep a man to save her life."

         Obotchaman's own eyes were hardened, piercing through his spectacles. "I'm still here, Miss Chi-Chi," he said, taking her by the shoulders. "I'm not going anywhere."

         "Obotchaman..." She looked up, imploring him with her twinkling stare.

         "We must pick ourselves up again." The boy smiled grimly, as serious as he ever got. "As many times as it takes."

         Chi-Chi wiped her eyes, sniffling. "Yer right," she nodded, regaining some strength in her voice. "I won't let that meanie keep me down."

         She looked down upon the locket again, still clasped in her hand. With a single clench of her fist, she crunched it to bits, the dull pewter toppling through her fingers. "We'll teach those hooligans to mess with a girl's tender heart!" she declared, turning to Obotchaman with new vigor. "Let's go, Obotchaman!"

         "Miss Chi-Chi!" Surprised by her sudden burst of energy, Obotchaman backed up a few steps. "Yamcha has already escaped us! Where are we going? What are we doing?"

         Her voice lowered to a lion's snarl. "We're gonna prepare fer war."

*****

         That evening, the group had congregated outside Kame House for a short demonstration. The orange sun beamed through the humid haze and reflected on each grass blade, giving the island the appearance of a hot furnace. Lunch and Sea Turtle had returned from their shopping rounds, a bag of groceries by their side...along with a collection of jewels and valuables. They joined Goku and Kuririn in shielding their eyes as they watched Kame-Sen'nin lay the next lesson on Arale.

         "Oooh, it feels so good to relax after a day in town!" Lunch remarked, settling down on Sea Turtle's shell.

         "A regular cornucopia of activity," Sea Turtle drolled, spitting out a mouthful of empty machine gun shell that had fallen in during their latest narrow escape.

         "Alright, now that we know Arale is nuts and bolts, we're going to try a little experiment," the old man began, standing in front of Arale. "First a quick review on Chi."

         "Ugh, I hate lectures," Goku groaned by Kuririn's side, and entertained himself with the stick of poo Arale have given him.

Kame-Sen'nin raised an eyebrow at the monkey boy's activities, but quickly got back to task. "As I've told you, Chi is the energizing drive of all things living," he said. "It allows the skilled martial artist to evoke power far beyond that of muscle and bone. Chi may not work for androids, but if you're enough like a human, you should be able to emulate it."

         The Turtle Hermit crumpled into an nigh-insectoid stance. "Obverse: a quick blast," he declared, cupping his hands behind his back.

         He waited for one moment to gather the nessesary energies. "KAMEHAMEMA!!!" he called out, thrusting his palms outward and releasing a blue/white energy beam screaming across the island and over the sea. {FWOOOOOOSH!!}

         "COOOOOL!" Arale squealed, watching the blazing bolt twinkle beyond the horizon. She turned to Goku with a smile, who grinned back and gave her a thumbs up.

         With a quiet bravado, the wily old crone maneuvered to Arale's side, leaving her a clear view of the ocean. "See if you can master the cold, rising wave," Kame-Sen'nin challenged her with a stiff smirk.

         Arale cheerfully clomped over to where he had stood, giggling quietly to herself. She crouched in a remarkable facsimile of the old master's stance, cupping her hands just as he had done. Her face was squelched up in concentration, with artificial muscles and piston pumps gyrating under synthetic skin. And an ominous power began the crow within the space between her fingers.

         Arale was shaking with the intense energies, barely holding it all in. "KAMEHAMEHA!!!" she shouted, pushing her hands forward just as Kame-Sen'nin had done.

         {FRRRRT!!}

         A noxious fume poured from the girl's hands and spread through the wind. The distinct odor of methane filled the air, wafting over to Goku, Kuririn, Lunch, and Sea Turtle, who were staring blankly at the scene opening up before them.

         "...It's a fart," Kuririn affirmed, almost to himself.

         "So stinky!" Lunch politely waved away the stench with her hand.

         "KYAHAHA!" Arale was bowled over, laughing so hard that she was nearly in tears. The girl wobbled back and forth on the grass like a cradle, clutching her stomach tight. "So funny!" Pressing her hands together in the same position, she released another Kamehamefart. {PHOOOT!!} "NYAHAHAHAHA!" Her laughter increased two-fold, as she gasped desperately for air.

         Kame-Sen'nin slapped himself on the face for what felt like the eleventh time that day. "Feh, so much for that theory," he snorted, chalking down yet another failure.

         "That's okay!" Arale consoled him cheerfully, a trace of laughter echoing in her voice. "I can show you a better trick!" She turned a bit to the right, taking in a large breathful.

         "N'CHAAAAA!!!!" she screamed, and {KWOOOOON!!!} a wave of power similar to the Kamehameha poured from her mouth and shot towards the center of the island.

         Right at Kame House.

         The beam pierced through the wooden frame and support structure as if they were matchsticks. Everything within the path of the fiery emission was immediately melted into ash, getting lost among the intense heat of plasma energy. As it passed on through, it left a skeletal phantom of wood, metal, and aluminum siding that was barely holding up. This, too, felt apart, the various warped remains collapsing into each other like a card house.

         Kame-Sen'nin could have cried as his beloved home went to that big Capsule Corporation up in the sky. Everything gone, just like that.

         The old master loomed over Arale with murder in his eyes. "You juvenile delinquent!" he blasted out, causing the girl's hair to fly back. "That was everything I owned! The few important things I managed to accumulate in my lifetime! Years and years of collecting porn, all wasted!"

         "Hoyo?" Arale burbled.

         "You have been nothing but a disaster this entire week!" he continued to holler. "You're completely undisciplined, scatterbrained, and careless! You're spastic, and a bad influence on my students. I mean, look at what Goku's becoming now!"

         "Hoyo?" Goku chirped, lowering his poo pile to his side.

         Kame-Sen'nin turned his back on Arale with an air of finality. "You are expelled from the Kame school," he told her harshly. "Good day to you, Norimaki Arale." With that, the old man walked off towards the broken Kame House, to rebuild his shattered existence from square one.

         The silence left in his wake felt deafening, and no one dared speak into the vacuum. Even Arale was at a lost for words, looking at the ground with an unreadable expression on her face.

         "Aa-choo!" The group whirled around to find Lunch standing behind them, whose fluffy blue hair had transmogrified into a starlet's blond mane, and whose eyes has narrowed into a thug's unrepentant glare. "Where the hell've I been this fanfic?" she growled, looking to the left and right before setting her wrathful stare on Arale. "What, has this been freakin' amateur hour the whole time?"

         "Whoopsy," Arale squeaked, averting her eyes.



Author's Notes: This chapter became my sounding board for a lot of my ideas about popular trends in fandom. Bulma's romantic sensibilities aren't too disimiliar from bad boy fiction, whether she's fawning over Yamcha, General Blue, Zarbon, or Vegeta. There's more action ahead, and Goku finally comes to the forefront. Maybe we'll even stop dumping on Yamcha for a split second. (guy never gets a break, does he?)

Until next time, Ja ne! ^_^