A Small Redemption

      A few days ago I was allowed the privilege of speaking to a little girl, she told me her problems and I almost melted.It reminded so much of my own story that I had goose bumps running down my arms. If I felt that compassion from another human during my time of struggle I would have followed that person into hell. It felt so good to talk to her, to tell her that everything would be ok. She looked to me for guidence and understanding in her confusing life. She took every word i said and internalised it, memorized it and i know she will use it forever.
      It makes me wish for the past, all the pain that i went through still haunts me in my sleep.If only i could visit my former tiny scared self, maybe that comfort of another compassionate human would have saved me the pain and mistakes I've had to endure. At night my dreams eat away at my soul and each morning i feel more exhausted than when i went to sleep. I have made many relationship mistakes out of fear and an internal loathing. Why are some of us alone through our struggles? Why must some of us hurt more than others? When i talked to her i felt relief, the sadness and pain washed out of me in waves. Her tears made me angry at the world, no little girl should have to cry like that, with her sobs making her shake and her face red and swollen. Her little voice seemed strained and all i could see was myself in that moment. Hiding behind my bed as that vile man hit my mother over and over again. My screams echoed through the house. "Stop please, please stop hurting her."
        Its those flash backs that hurt the most, and this tiny girl before me brought all of my memories back. Alone in her room she cried, trying to be quiet so no one heard her. When i came down that hall to her room i was transported back in time. Her soft brown eyes looked up at me and i knew that i could comfort her. I knew her suffering and i could save her. She said to me "I hear them at night, they fight and scream. I pretend i cant hear it." All i could do was hold her, i myself was trying not to cry.
        This world is becoming even more harsh day by day but this girl she knew to much pain already, she knew to much worry just as i had. At seven you're not supposed to think of the death of your parents, but in this situation both of us did. I was so relieved to help her, so fulfilled to show her that life would not always be so bad. So happy to tell her that no matter what she could and would make through these struggles.
        That night i did not have any nightmares. That night i slept for the first time in years.