Kindness...

Kindness: is the act or the state of being kind and marked by charitable behaviour.

Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.

‘James? …James!!’
         ‘Hmmm? Yeah, what?’ I turned round to see Robbie glaring at me. He pointed the barrel of his rifle at me.
         ‘Mate, are you actually gonna do anything, or are you just gonna carry on sitting there? Have you finished cleaning your rifle yet?’ He withdrew the barrel and pushed the cleaning rod towards the butt of the gun. 
         ‘Yeah, forgot about that…pass me mine, will you.’ I snapped out of my reverie, and began to soak the cleaning pads with solvent.

         My long term girlfriend, now fiancé, was 8 months pregnant with our first child. Jessica had given me a teary goodbye a month ago, before I made my way towards the plane - destination: Afghanistan.          
         ‘Honey…be careful out there, ok? For me and… for her.’ She took my hand and placed it on her well rounded stomach.
         I drew her close to me, and gently wiped the droplets from her eyes, as she flung her arms around my neck.
         ‘Darling, you know I will. Watch how time flies - before you know it, I’ll be back in December to see you and our baby daughter! You’re the one that will have to be careful… No binge drinking, no clubbing till 4am-’
         She laughed and punched me playfully on the shoulder, then burst into tears again.
         ‘Shhh…baby be strong ok? No more crying allowed - come here my love.’
         I clutched her to me again, and stroked her delicate cheek. I bent down and breathed in the scent of her peachy shampoo, and kissed her again.
         ‘Ok Jess…I have to go now. Write to me, and tell me how our baby is doing - and how you’re doing. I love you so much.’
         She clung to me, and embraced me in a fierce hug. ‘I love you James. Stay safe, ok?’
         ‘I promise.’
         I had boarded the plane, to the jeering ( I call it jealousy) of the rest of the lads. Playful banter erupted in the cabin, as we finally took off.

         ‘For gods sake James, you’re so out of it today! What’s up?’ Robbie poked me in the ribs, and I jumped violently.
         ‘Nothing - just thinking bout Jess, ya know? Haven’t heard from her in a while - hope she’s doing ok.’
         ‘Yeah she’ll be fine, I’ve heard that the post ain’t too great up here, so don’t be expectin’ much…’
         ‘Really?’
         ‘Uhuh. You finished yet? I’m gonna go up and get some grub - I think Sean and Josh are already at the mess. Wanna come with? ’
         ‘Sure, gimme a sec…’ I assembled my rifle together, and put it back in the weapon store.
         We made our way towards the central canteen, and I put on my sunglasses to stop the dazzling glare of the midday sun from penetrating my eyes. The climate here compared to rainy England was crazy hot - the days were swelteringly boiling in the summer - and in the winter depending on whereabouts you were, were below freezing. I was definitely going to get a tan - no doubt about it, but most likely an uneven tan due to our uniform. I spent the most part of my days topless, but my thighs were a stunning white, unexposed to the sunrays.
         Robbie and I grabbed a tray each, and wandered around the assortments of food - Indian, Chinese, Arabic, English, American - there was a wide variety buffet available, and if anyone wanted or needed anything in particular, that was provided as well. I spooned up a plateful of spicy rice, curried chicken and vegetables, and grabbed a few cookies for dessert.  I sat down next to Sean, across the table from Josh and Robbie.
         ‘Hey James, guess what?’ Josh spoke through a mouthful of fried noodles. ‘I heard Sergeant said we’re-’ he gestured at himself, Robbie and I. ‘- gonna get posted to Helmand’s in a couple of days…what do you think about that eh?’
         ‘What?!’ I gulped my food down to stop it spraying across the table. ‘What do you mean? Who did you hear it from?’
         ‘Woah…chill…just a rumour. But I think it’s pretty sound - they’re sending patrols out in small groups, less intimidating and all that. We‘re the ones that got picked…and Sean’s just not good enough.’ With that remark, he flicked a piece of red pepper towards Sean.
         Sean narrowed his eyes. ‘What was that?’
         Josh smirked. ‘Need to clean out your ears mate…I said- You. Are. Not. Good. Enough.’
         Sean stood up. He glared at Josh, and went calmly over to the buffet table. Robbie gave Josh a high five, and I tried not to grin as I saw Sean pick up a bowl of custard. He came up behind Josh, and dumped the contents on his head. Josh spluttered profanities at Sean, and Robbie and I laughed as yellow oozed down his forehead.
         
         Later that evening, I scrawled a quick letter to Jessica, spilling out my fears and doubts about the post to Helmand’s. It wasn’t official yet, but I wanted her to know as quickly as possible, just in case it was true. Hundreds of soldiers were posted to Afghanistan all the time, but few were actually involved directly with the action. I’ve heard stories about soldiers doing absolutely nothing on their tours, but then I’ve also heard stories about soldiers dying. What was the death toll now? I wasn’t about to deny my fears - this was a reality for all of us, but we all hid it beneath jokes and laughter. But I couldn’t let my uncertainties cloud my professional judgement - after all, the blood, sweat and tears from my year of training was bound to pay off in the end. I wasn’t concerned about myself - this was my job, this was something I had chosen to do. A soldier fights, that’s what he’s meant to do. I was just worried about Jess. And our baby.

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Six essential qualities that are the key to success: Sincerity, personal integrity, humility, courtesy, wisdom, charity.

Early next morning, Josh, Robbie and I were called to the head office for a meeting with the Sergeant. 
         ‘Boys, I think you know the reason why you’re here. And yes, it’s true. Pack your kit, light as possible. You’ll be leaving at 0400 hours, due to arrive at 0800. I will assign you a driver with the Land Rover. There have been suspicious sightings around and next to the border, so I’ll need you three to check it out. Approach with caution, you know the drill. Any questions?’
         Robbie cleared his throat. ‘Umm, how long are we posted there for Sir?’
         ‘As long as you’re needed there. Any others? No? Ok, see you all at 0400 tomorrow.’

         After our quick brief, the three of us headed to the barracks to pack our gear, and arrange our food rationings for 7 days. If any more was needed, the driver would travel back to camp to stock up. These patrols didn’t tend to last long anyway - only a few days were needed to examine the area, and backup was called if necessary. The cheerful teasing and light-hearted mockery was lost between us, seriousness replaced the jokes and a methodical procession of packing was undergone. It was vital that all of us packed the essential equipment, and any extras that fit into the weigh allowance. After we had crammed our holdalls full, we checked through each others bags to see if we had missed anything out.
         Josh pulled out the laminated picture of Jess that I had slipped into a side pocket. For once, his eyes held a sincerity without his usual teasing glint as he looked at me. A single thought of what was to come passed between the two of us, and he slipped the photo back into my bag without a word.

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Wherever there is a human being, there is a chance for a kindness.

Bleary eyed I followed Robbie out into the red-orange glow of the sunrise, dragging our bags to the vehicle. Josh was already seated in the passenger seat next to the driver, fiddling with the radio reception in the front.
         ‘Take your time guys…we’re set to go in fifteen! Chuck me your bags, and report to the office before we leave. Oh, and this is our driver, Halim.’
         Robbie and I shook hands with Halim, and we made our way quickly to and from the office. I sat next to him at the rear of the Land Rover, and I watched the landscape flash past as we travelled across the uneven land. I peeled an orange, and handed segments to the other three guys. The citrus smell stayed pungent on my fingers, wafting a trail into the mild breeze. An hour into our journey, I saw a few cape hares dash across the barren ground and scatter into the shrubbery. I looked up into the brightening sky and spotted a hawk soaring smooth circles around our position, its sharp eyes locating signs of movement from the wary hares. 
         ‘Halim, stop the car!’ Josh yelled.
The Land Rover shuddered to a halt, and the three of us leapt out. We followed Josh as he ran towards a collapsed heap on the sandy terrain. I glimpsed a trail of red next the bundle, and quickened my pace.
         ‘What is it Josh?’ Robbie shouted, as Josh knelt down next to it.
         We gathered around him and the object on the floor. A hare was bleeding profusely, its hind legs savaged and broken, stringy tendons dangling from each leg. Its eyes blinked rapidly, and I observed with horror that the hare’s spine was twisted in an obscure fashion - not obvious at a glance, but as I focused on the animal, the image transferred to my brain didn’t match that of an unharmed hare.
         ‘Road kill.’ Josh. muttered. He pulled out his pistol and held it to the hare’s head.
         ‘Josh, don’t! We have the first aid kit in the vehicle, let’s see what we can do.’ Robbie said urgently.
         ‘Mate, my dad was a vet. It’s as good as dead - its paralysed and bleeding in the middle of nowhere - if we don’t put it out of it’s misery now, some jackal is going to eat the poor thing anyway. Trust me.’ Josh pulled the trigger, and the shot echoed across the horizon. ‘Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind. Remember that.’
         He walked away as Robbie and I stayed staring at the dead hare.
         ‘Come on Robbie, let’s go.’
         He dragged his eyes away from the corpse, and we made our way back to the Land Rover.

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Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

I must have fallen asleep - I was jerked awake by a particularly large hole in the ground, and I slammed into Robbie’s elbow.
         ‘Where are we now?’ I asked, rubbing my side.
         ‘Errm…not far to go now, half an hour or so?’
         ‘Ok great, I need to stretch my legs soon. By the way Rob, you do know that your elbows are really sharp, don‘t you?’
         He laughed and nudged me in my ribs.
         ‘Guys, shut it for a bit, I need to concentrate.’ Josh growled from the front seat.
         ‘That sounds…dangerous,’ Robbie commented, winking at me.
         There was silence in the Land Rover as Josh studied the map of Helmand’s Province that we had been given.
         The silence was interrupted by a deafening eruption of noise. Instinctively, I ducked and shielded my head and eyes with my arms. I can’t remember exactly what happened next - the vehicle was blasted apart in a mayhem that ripped the four of us from our seats, and from each other. The thunderous boom echoed again and again in my head, although the silence that settled upon us disturbed me more. I uncovered my eyes tentatively, and a trickle of blood blurred my vision. I wiped my face against my shoulder, and flinched as tiny flint stones transferred from my clothes to my cheek, ingraining themselves into my skin. Touching my fingers to my head, I felt a patch of warm liquid seeping into my matted hair. I looked at my hand and saw the bright red stain on it, and wiped it onto my trousers. I tried standing up, clambering over the mangled roof of the Land Rover and I bit back yell as my foot caught against the metal framing that was slicing into my skin. I grit my teeth together and pulled my leg out of the narrow gap, causing the framing to slice along the length of my lower limb. Blood welled up along the gash and I bound my shirt tightly against it as a makeshift bandage.
         I falteringly stood up, and I tried to observe the chaos that surrounded me. The vehicle had been blown up beyond repair, most of the damage to the front of the Land Rover where none of it was intact. The seats had been ripped from it and had landed 20 metres away, with shards of glass spread across the sand, glinting in the sun. I didn’t need to look to see whether Halim or Josh were still alive - the messy red heaps of flesh confirmed their deaths. If a sturdy vehicle had been destroyed, a flimsy human body would definitely have been eradicated with it. But Robbie?
         I limped towards another lifeless form that lay face down on the floor, not too far from where I was. If I was alive, surely he was as well.

         ‘Come on,’  I prayed silently. ‘You have to be alive. Please God, don’t let him be dead.’

         I knelt down next to him, and turned him over. His eyelids flickered as I fumbled for his pulse.
         ‘Rob? Rob! Come on mate, you’re alive, say something!’
         ‘My arm…’
         I quickly looked at his arm, the bone from his lower arm stuck out at a strange angle, piercing through his skin. I gagged and looked away.
         ‘Mate, it’s broken. But sit up, it’s not safe here!’
         ‘What…happened?’ Robbie sat up dizzily, and winced as his arm shifted position.
         ‘Roadside bomb. Josh and Halim didn’t make it.’
         Robbie glanced over to the two mounds of blood, and wretched. I steadied him while vomit surged from him onto the glass covered ground. He wiped across his mouth, and shakily got up.
         ‘Careful with your arm, yeah?’
         Silence met my sentence, and I stared up at him. He was looking at me with a sheen of horror reflected on his face.
         ‘What? Does it hurt?’ I questioned, puzzled.
         ‘Don’t move.’
         ‘What?’
         ‘The thing you’re kneeling on…I think it’s another one.’
         ‘Another what?’ I looked down, and my heart paused for a few seconds. The distinguishable markings of a homemade bomb device flashed across my eyes. I looked back up at Robbie.
         ‘Rob? What do I do?’ I whispered desperately. ’I think the trigger is still in it, but if I get up, it will be pulled out.’
         He didn’t answer me.
         ‘Rob! What do I do?’ My hysterical shriek echoed into the silence.
         ‘Hold it in place, and I’ll take over. Get away.’
         The realisation of what he was about to do struck me.
         ‘You can’t do that! I won’t let you - I’m the one stuck on this, thing, I’m the one that’s meant to die!’
         Robbie smiled sadly and briefly. ’James…I won’t let you die. You have your whole family. You have Jessica, and your daughter. They need you.’
         ‘They’ll survive without me - Rob, please. You don’t have to.’
         ‘Yes I do. You want to see your baby, don’t you?’
         I had no answer to his question, because I knew he was right. And I knew he was doing the right thing. But why did this feel so wrong?
         ‘Ok…’ I breathed.
         I carefully stood up, keeping the trigger in place with my hand. Sweat mingled with my blood in this effort, dripping onto my eyelashes.
         ‘I’ve got it…’ Robbie whispered, as he pushed the trigger down firmly with me.
         I let go, and I saw fear flicker across Robbie’s face. Tears ran down my face as I observed my friend. Self sacrifice was the ultimate form of love, of friendship, of kindness. Willingly and wholly dedicated to serving others.
         ‘Go.’
         ‘Rob…’
         ‘Get the hell outta here! I can’t hold it down for much longer, just get away from here. Just…tell my mother yourself, in person. Go!’
         I ran.

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The truest greatness lies in being kind.

6 months on.

Alexandra was born, her name suitably chosen after Robbie ‘defender of mankind’. Christmas passed and finished. Jessica and I got married in early March. We moved house in April. Now it was May.
I visited Robbie’s mother every month, and every month I saw the sorrow deep in her hazel eyes. I saw the anguish for her only son, the pain etched into her lined face. But with the grief, I saw the pride. The pride of her son’s greatness and courage.
We planted a white rose bush in her garden, with a simple engraved plaque for Robbie. And now in early May, the roses blossomed and revealed the same goodness and light that Robbie had brought to me, Jessica and Alexandra.

I gazed at the pure white roses in the garden, and felt Jessica’s arms circle around my waist. I turned around and took her hand in mine, as we stood and watched a ladybird crawl across one of the petals. I drew her into my arms, as we embraced. I inhaled the familiar peachy scent of her hair, and kissed her gently. And I know that somewhere, wherever he was, Robbie was smiling.