I let him down

I let my baby down. I went out today, after not smoking for a week, and bought a pack of cigarettes. I feel so depressed over this. It is not like I cannot quit. I have been without it for a week. It is not a good night anyway. I am getting that anxiety feeling in my stomach,not a good sighn for me. This usually means depression. I ask Jesus to please give me strenght to fight this terrible feeling. The time right now is 2:16 am and I am still awake. I just feel so down right now. I dont know what I want half the time, all I do is Gloom. I am also feeling very angry. Not at myself,but at this friend of mine. I did a favor for this friend of mine and now she has turned her back on me. This is what happened: I let my friend use my social security on her taxes so she can attain more money by putting me down as her babysitter. Out of the taxes, I would receive $500.00. The time came when she received her taxes, low and behold she wanted to give me 250.00 first and then owe me the rest. Thank God I said no. I told her I wanted more. She then gave me 350.00 dollars owing me 150.00. A few months have gone by and she still owes me 150.00. Times are hard and I am not working. I called her yesterday for the money and she tells me she has to call her boyfriend to see if he has the money. What the hell! The problem is, she gave her boyfriend the social for his Taxes. Now- she doesnt want to assume responsibility for what she owes, What pissed me off is the fact that I never gave her half of my social- i gave her the whole thing. With the extra money she got with MY social, she went shopping- she got what she needed! Now what?! What about me?! This is really bothering me. You crossed the bridge once and you burnt it. Now you wont have that bridge to cross again. I hate irresponsible people-i really do. I mean I am not perfect, but damn!