Diary of a mad 18-year old girl

I often sit for hours fearing myself. I wonder whether I'd be able to fulfill my life dreams or am I destined to fail? As most teens my age I'm at a cross road. My every move is monitored. Studied if you will. Why is she doing that? Does she know that will influence her life? And there I am sitting in the middle wondering "WHAT the HELL am I going to do with my life?" At 18 I am about to step into the big world. the real world away from jocks, sluts and grumpy teachers giving me homework over the weekends. Instead I will now be sitting behind a desk from 8 to 5, with a boss ( the brother of Lucifer) and wondering where I went wrong with my life. it seems everyone thinks they should have taken the other road. The road with the better life, more money and fancy husband/wife's. Like on t.v.  But no, I'm sitting here listening to everyone telling me what I should do with my life, when I'll get married and how many kids I'll have, When I will retire, where I will live, where I will work. Then I'd go to school and listen to the teacher telling me that this year is the most important year of all ( they tell you that every year) how you must work hard in school get good grades so that you can have a great job, have a nice house and they basically tell me as well how my life should turn out. In the end I'd go home to have the same life lesson as before and thats basically how my life is at this point. College, good grades, getting the perfect husband, how to be the perfect wife and how the children should be raised. Along with that I have to deal with boys who's only interest in me is the size of my bra ( 18 year old boys have hormonal problems). The few friends I have are either trying to commit suicide ( boyfriend problems) or are over drinking themselves to get away from the stress society puts on us. Growing up in South Africa doesn't help either. Racism is as common here as rain is in England. The rest of the world treats us like barbarians. Do you know what's funny? when we went to Europe, one of the clerks at the hotel asked us where we were from. When he heard we were from South Africa he looked shocked and said " But your white!" well done genius! you have excellent observation skills and yes white people do live in South Africa. Just like they live in Europe, America, Iceland and Egypt. We white are everywhere! The next thing he asks is " Do we have schools there" Nope I learned to read and write from the monkeys. Ladies and Gentleman, we do have Schools in South Africa. And no we do not write on rocks unless you call paper that. We don't fight lions on our way to school and we most certainly don't ride on elephants as a means of transportation. These are but a few questions we had to answer.



No human is unique. Biologically we are programmed to learn via mimic. We mimic what we see thus creating a cut of version of the person we mimic. In our quest to be unique we inevitably become the same. A goth for instance. People who strive to make bold statements of their uniqueness. So every person who finds this 'theme' attractive and appealing mimics the other. Creating a group of people all striving to be different and they end up looking the same. Each one in the same race to be different. When you mimic someone trying to be different there are already two people that are the same. This will inevitably create a chain of "unique" people which, quite frankly, defeats the point.



Belief is an interesting thing. Once your mind is made up about something it's hard to change it. Even if you might be wrong



so there you go. the mind of a teenager on a saturday night. as random as this was it was fun. My head feels a lot emptier and maybe this headache might go away now.