Dealings - Chapter One

So there I was, cornered with my back to a corner, with nothing with which to fend them off but a Jakky Tielr-class nuclear submarine, an 872-foot long LEEDS-class Aircraft carrier, several dozen Squawker Cyclones and a pair of Blunt class destroyers. Needless to say, it was a difficult situation.

However, my adversaries had one fatal weakness; they were SOFAS. What I mean to say is, that they were Slightly-Organized Fanatical Attackers, with Ships. Sorry, it's a nautical term back where I come from and I'm used to using it. Or something like that.

After they launched their first volley, composed largely of soap dispensers and lampshades, it became apparent that the battle was won for our side. Their inferior technology could not compare to our inferior technology.

Suddenly I heard a voice from behind me. "You may have won here, Admiral Sleazy Cloud, but they'll be back. And in greater numbers."
Alarmed, I drew my sidearm and whirled around. Unfortuantely, my sidearm was rather hard to draw, so it came out looking more like Alan Greenspan.

"That's a rather nice drawing you've made there." said the voice, which it turned out belonged to my friend, The Unexpected Tree.

"I hadn't expected you." I said.

"I know." said he.

He glided slowly across the room, which happened to be atop the PMS Strumpet. He appeared somehow troubled, as if someone had stolen something valuable of his.

"You appear troubled." I said.

"Someone has stolen something valuable of mine." he responded.

With that resolved, we moved on. I asked him what it was that had been stolen; he didn't elaborate, however.

"I need to know if you've seen or heard anything... out of the ordinary." he said, his orange eyes gleaming like strawberry wine. In fact, they were the only part that reflected any signficant amount of light; from its coat to its hat, the remainder of the Unexpected Tree was black. Or at least a very dark gray.

As a lampshade hit the window with a dull smack, I thought back; it was true, things had been out of the ordinary... I'd not seen a bouquet ofhandtrays in a long while. Indeed, and there were these reports of people finding Big Cookies in their Small Cookies Magic... no, things weren't normal at all.

Before I could react, however, the Strumpet shook violently, like a pregnant woman on a roller coaster. "Get down!" shouted The Unexpected Tree, collecting some downs in his arms. Neither of us had time to completely get down, though, before the ceiling caved in. Then, everything went dark.