What is real

I have been trying to figure this all out. Right….wrong…left..back..front..side. Every angle seems not to suit me. It’s a constant battle of feeling lost, or that you don’t belong…purpose. What is the purpose. There is a war inside me that will not let me go. I have done nothing but battle between what they say and what I think. What if what I think is entirely wrong? How do I become right? Is it by following example or can I be me? Is it because I wont fight, stand up for me..or is there even a me anymore just a façade. Everyone knows what I should do except me. I feel lifeless. Everyones hands are on me..molding and shaping me into what they desire or want, how they perceive I should be. It does feel like I am some kind of walking plastic toy, just pull my string and I will say whatever you programmed me to say. I hate this world sometimes. Smothered by rules and obligations to everyone but myself. I fight but without just cause…what for and why am I fighting? Everyones gotta fix me, everyones my angel, everyones family. Which one is real. I’m not a fool, just turn a blind eye to things around me. The truth is ugly. I know it. Spent half my life trying to ignore it. Yet I even question that, whos truth do I see mine or theirs? Sometimes I wonder if I'm still sitting on that fence waiting for my dad to come back and get me and start where he left off that day.