Souls Closure true

Part I

Today I joined one of my friends in a night out. And had a fight with myself throughout the night He took me to the place “Mumbai Se” it’s basically a bar cum mujra cum whore house. I was astonished at first but then my mind began its fluttering between my past, present and future. It began its never ending battle between sanity and insanity. I took a seat right in front of the centre stage. These damsels were each in their own manner intriguing and gorgeous. I began pondering as to why these men have to objectify women as a subject of visual and sexual pleasure. I myself was enjoying it in a very disturbed matter. I first fought with myself as the drinking, girls, gambling and ambience reminded me of my wretched past. A past from which I have moved on but due to some reason or the other it never seems to close the door on me.

I watched as my friend ordered one of the most expensive bottles of red wine in the house and he was astonished to know that the drinking part of my life was history, or in other words the alcohol and drugs had in a way quit from me. The bottle was as if yelling my name. Weirdly every drop of it had my name on it somehow and was screaming for me to indulge in its electric vibes and move on to the plateaus I had left far behind. There it was for me to return to the high esteemed levels of a life with in life, a life just a notch above this world. I had to fight this weird sensation of my ex beloved calling out for me. Every sip that everyone in the room took was as if it was all meant for me and in some way every droplet was calling out to touch my lips just once. To feel the roll of my tongue. To mix with my own intoxications, to fall through my throats waterfall, to meet my heart and mind and to awaken my lost soul once again. It was as if I broke her heart in a million pieces when I chose orange juice over her.

But that was just a small battle I won the war was still on to be fought. At this point I lit a cigarette to enjoy my small victory or betrayal, whatever you may call it. The next hurdle came when these beautiful god sent creatures came out dancing to “Babu jee Dheere Chalna.” At this point I felt ashamed as to why am I contributing towards promoting this hideous act. I fought a battle between right and wrong. And in the end the right won, as I decided to give in and watch and applaud. Many would prefer that this was the wrong but I have to in some manner justify my acts of this night. Moving on there came this song “in ankhon ki masti main.” I ordered for change of a thousand dollars. 2 of the girls really intrigued me, Divya and Anu. The both had curves to die for; curves that would make the ocean feel jealous. Divya was the one who was much well endowed and had a better flow to the music but her facial expressions gave me the strange feeling that she was not at will. So I at first threw some cash on her to boost her morale and then applauded her but she wasn’t feeling up to it as her energy levels were sapped probably due to over work.

So for the remainder of the night I had my eyes fixated on Anu. Anu had the grace of a royal princess. Her hips were tight and her breasts were stout. With a belly that you couldn’t take your eyes off. I thought to myself if Anu was to be with me then she would be the envy of all. Her beauty was such that she could make your knees go week and propose till death. Her expressions to the songs were such that all genders would fall in love with her. Her eyes were so deep that I could drown in them. To have such beauty might even be criminal as she could cause people to die for her on even a single gesture from her. I decided to stand up, and stood my ground. Gathering up the energy to move I somehow managed to get close. With a stack of big dollar bills in my hand I began adorning her with my money. She spent round n round waiting for me to exhaust with my money. When the money in my hand was all out she stopped with a glee on her face that she had won, but sadly I had paused to get another stack out from my other pocket. Now she didn’t move. With her eyes in my eyes she tried to make me go numb on my legs and get down on my knees to fall for her but I managed to stand my ground. I handed her one bill after another and she gladly took, but we didn’t lose contact for a second. I don’t know how much time we had been in that trance but in a way a short while later it was as if it wasn’t about the money anymore. My money had finished but still our hands kept on meeting despite no exchanges. We both could feel a strange static energy.

A moment later the sound of the music faded and the lights seemed to go down but our eye contact was as strong as ever. I was feeling the fire in her heart and she felt mine. As we communicated through eye contact only and it was as if we had known each other since birth. Then BANG. All of a sudden my friend came between us to break the trance, he showed us both off signaling that we should get a room. Without saying a word we grabbed each other’s hand. My left her right and started walking. She was leading me. Then reality struck. I did not want her, as in she was worth more than this. Once outside I jerked and we stopped at the corridor. I dragged her up against the wall. I could feel her breath. The warmth from her body was taking me to another level. She fixated her eyes on me. With no signs of fear in her she stood there and we were again in that strange trance. I could smell her aroma. Her intoxicating aroma. Then somehow through some powers from beyond our lips met each other. It felt like heaven. Then my fucking brain broke the moment. And I said “you are more than this, I want it but you are worth more than anything.” To which she replied “it’s not the money, I want you, be it only for tonight.” I was silent. She then asked a silly strange question that was in my mind for the moment I had laid my eyes on her. She said “Do I Know you?” to which I replied “I don’t know but I seem to feel like we have know each other a lifetime, have we met before?”

We did not know how when where or why but we knew that we know each other deeply and have a strange past bond existing between us. With my left and her right we started walking into the night. We did not know to where but we kept on walking. Strangely this felt perfectly right on many levels. I just wanted her by my side for the rest of my life. I did not want us to go anywhere. It was as if I had lost her once before and couldn’t afford to lose again. Strangely she felt the same way.

Part II

After god knows how much time we reached my hotel room. It was possibly a long walk as once we entered the room we were both sweaty. I brushed my hands on her cheek and felt her moisture rejuvenate cells which I thought were long dead. We embraced each other. And gave into the temptations of the night. After a moment or two it just did not seem right. I stared into her eyes but the magic was seemed to be lost. We both stepped away simultaneously and we both spoke at the same time with the same words “I know you from somewhere.” At that point we decided to talk and clear the mystery as we had to find out who we are, and why we are together, and what is causing these vibes or was causing?

I let her start telling about herself first and then I gave every detail about who I was but we just could not figure out the connection. I was certain that I have known her for so long, that I have been with her before but just couldn’t seem to figure it out. Then out of the blue I started telling her about my love life. For no apparent reason but I just had to let her know. I told her things that I was hiding from myself. Stuff that I never thought any living thing would hear about. I knew this was sensitive territory but it just seemed right. The night seemed long and my miserable life stories ended at the break of daylight. As I ended out of the blue she hugged me but this time it was more of a friendly embrace.

Now she began her rather more depressing story. She told me how the person she loved had gone astray and disappeared from her life physically but she said she could still feel his presence at various times of the day. At that point it clicked. Everything was falling into place. We did not say a word but we both knew why we were destined to meet tonight. It was a case of closure for both of us. She had to find closure to her past and that it was never hers and I had to make peace with my evils and find closure. We both began to cry. We could now feel each other’s pain as it was same but only slightly different as it was from the other end.

Some time souls are meant to find each other. In Anu n my case it was that we were not the souls that were meant to find each other but in fact we had lost our chance, well she had surely lost her chance where as there is still a glimmer of hope for me. I was in a weird way the soul she had loved and lost where as she was the soul I am losing out to as I carry through life. We both felt that we knew each other as for the period when the sparks were flying we were inhibiting the souls of our respective partners. She had gone through the pain and struggle that I am currently causing my loved one. This is a sign for me to go back and fix my wrong doings. She has lost her chance and I was losing mine. I have promised her that I will try my best to rectify things, and will not let history repeat itself.

We then lay down next to each other hand in hand. My right and this time her right. Facing each other and reminiscing her past and my present that is soon to be either a part of my past or future. We both fell asleep and I woke up at 1 the next morning and had this urge to record this god blessed night while the memory is still fresh. I have tried to document and capture this moment with my writing but I know I can justify our feeling with words as that moment is impossible to explain with words.

Got to go now, my friend is all ready to leave, and I need to see her off. Pray that things work out. I will fight for my chance in a fortnight’s time when I get back to Pakistan.

Part III

Well it turns out that I am not the only one to be the beneficiary of that night. Anu called me up tonight and wanted to tell me something in person so we made plans to meet up at her building. I got dressed and left as soon as I put down the phone. I got a taxi and reached her place. She was waiting at the entrance. As soon as I got off and she spotted me she ran towards me and embraced. She somehow felt happy like as in crazy happy and cleansed in strange way. She told me that she is going back to her old job at IDHA (which is a small enterprising firm that deals in discounting financial instruments). She said that she called them up and they were willing to take her on board. She explained that the events of that night were meant to give her closure over her past so that her soul can move on. It turns out that Anu is actually a Masters in Finance and was holding an almost six figure job before the unfortunate events transpired. The events basically made her sick of life and her existence. She was only working at “Mumbai Se” to be vengeful of herself in a very twisted manner.

She wanted to thank me but I explained that it is not me who is responsible but the one above who finally decided that it was time to guide you in the right direction and she should not be regretful of her acts and deeds as everything happens for the better. At this point she showed her gratitude to her Lord Krishna Asshotra while I thanked Allah for taking this wandered creature of his under his wing and making a bright future full of life possible for her. Well it turns out that Anu has gotten her life back on track from a point where a u turn seems unlikely and only a miracle by god’s intervention could possibly do that. And I firmly believe that night was nothing short of a miracle. With our gods manipulation and intervention at its maximum she has managed to revive her soul, and by doing so now she can live and move on with a cleansed soul. I advised her to always dream and dream big as in a way dreams are the food for the soul. It is only upon dreams that one’s soul solely strives upon. I have a firsthand experience that without dream the soul dies. Trust me on this.

The only sad thing about today is what transpired when she bid me farewell. She will be leaving for Sharjah tomorrow (IDHA is based over there). So we decided to exchange contact information. The only problem is that I gave her my wrong info. I don’t know what came over me, but know after pondering over it again n again as to why I have come down to this simple conclusion that If I lose my fight than I would not want her to know. In a strange way my alter ego is once again starting to mess with me. I could’ve given her my number and later on lied, but I know one thing for sure that she somehow will know if I am telling the truth or not. Now as I write I fret over it again as the essence of my writing is pointing towards the side that I have on some level deep inside already considered defeat. Strange…. But I know I have to fight if not for myself than for the promise I have given Anu.

Whatever the outcome I am satisfied and in a way feel like I have already won the major chunk as I cannot possibly be any more contented for the turnaround in Anu’s life. For me it’s as if I have done the greatest deed of my life and in turn have gotten the greatest reward in the fact that Anu will now have the opportunity to live life to the fullest extent. I am grateful to my god that he chose me as the one to give closure to her soul and revive her dreams. Thank you ALL MIGHTY for letting me act as the bridge for Anu to cross over to the other side of the little white fence. And I can surely tell that this side does lead to greener pastures.

Part IV

Man this wait is killing me. I know doing it in person is much better but this small glimmer of hope has infused a sense of greediness in my mind as I know I can obtain the paradise my soul has been searching for. Waiting and patience is never part of my game. Like I said in PES speed is my thing. I’ve decided to go ahead with it, rather sooner than later. At last I can see a way out of this hell hole and a stop to the heart ache trauma that I have been silently suffering for the past few years. I just know this is the start of a new era. I shall rectify all that was done. I shall beg n plead for mercy until I have her n my friend back. I shall go down on all fours and howl and rub my nose to the ground until I get forgiveness and get them back in my life have truly been the biggest scum bag to have ever walked this earth (probably still a notch behind Ashley Cole).

All this time I thought about how I was destroying myself but over the events of this past week or so I have seen that I was actually disintegrating the lives of those I loved. When u come to the bottom of the pit u realize that the bottom line is I was only fooling myself and acting as a true idiot. I would always go on rambling on how I was wrong but never actually taking any steps towards fixing anything. Typical Pakistani attitude. Ask not what your life has done for you; ask what you have done for your life.
There is a long list of loved ones who deserve a sincere apology and appreciation for not killing me. It might take time as I’ll have to go from one extreme of this earth to another but I have no problems as finally when I’m done with it I will feel light. I would love to get him back at first as he is the one whom I miss the most. My heart yearns for a hug from him. Just to know that he knows I’m there for him is the one feeling I crave the most. But due to geographical restriction and lack of contact detail that will have to wait as my boy is out of country and god knows where he is. So that leaves her as the first one up.

I plan to make it short and simple. Set up a date time and place. In fact screw that it’s a fucking load of crap. I am just going to turn up, knock that fucking door down, spill out my guts and get down on my knees until I win what is rightfully mine. I know hearing about someone being so chirpy is equivalent to burning in hell or going a season empty handed. But still if at the end of the day you get to have Fabregas back in your life than there is still hope for life ahead. Its surprising how life and my other life are always on similar tracks.

This is life I guess. I feel like I’m finally ready to jump over my little white fence and enjoy the greener grass, the lush meadows, the beauty of nature and all that reflects the All Mighty. And when she smiles my world is brighter, her look at me makes me a king, her touch for me is worth a fortune, her presence for me is everything.

Part V
My efforts are to go in vain is the conclusion reality has made me come to. I think it was pre decided as to what is the outcome from deep within my shit life. I’ve tried to simplify things into the manner I would have preferred to tread on but I have come to the crossroads and had a one off with the fates. And guess what, it’s the fates who have won. Fates have drawn down on what life beholds for me. I was so blind not to see.

I know I have been blessed with a brain that can go beyond limits and figure stuff out. But I failed at that when it came down to my life. Probably because my heart empowered my brain or maybe my brain was controlling my heart and this was the last day for it. I think it’s actually my brains scheme in which this was the final dagger. A blow so strong that it has shattered my heart and the long last feud between the heart n the brain has finally come to an end. It was obvious from day one that the heart had no chance of standing its ground in front of the brain. Yet it fought with all it had. It fought as a brave soldier and it only knew one thing that a soldier never quits until he is dead. Well now it’s dead for sure. All that use to glimmer n shine is now gone.

Oh how I hate that dreadful night that god sent upon me when I met Anu. It only revived my sleeping heart to stand up one last time only to be shattered for eternity. I was a fool to dream as I knew and have said this a million times before “ My life is not for me to live; it belongs to others.” Then why did I forget this, I guess it was my brains act to once and for all eradicate the existence. I walk away from this mass murder with my head held up high in a weird manner knowing that the last name on it truly deserved its place. She and I were never meant to be together and it’s a tribute to her beauty and the love we shared that she was the last one this heart loved before it came to its end. All I can say is that it’s a fitting end to the legacy.

I know ill carry on in this life as it was a part of it and the last part that I lived for myself; I am finally at peace. Although I’ve lost her forever, but I wish her a peaceful life filled with love n joy. Everyone loves in life, and I shall love her even after losing her. I shall be her guardian angel and see to it that no one harms her until the day I stop breathing.

I would like to only say this to all out there, don’t get me wrong n fight for your love it’s a beautiful place and it is worth the risk. And if a few of you manage to win the battle and find your soul mate than do everything you can so that you don’t lose her. You only get this opportunity once in your lives and only the lucky few actually manage to catch it. Don’t relate to my shit story n think it’s all doom n gloom as with me the case was different cause I had long ago in actual fact stopped living for myself and was I fool to think I can be with her as that would have meant to live once again which is not possible as I have already sold my soul. I’ve sold my soul not to the devil but for the happiness of my family and friends. My life is there’s to use n enjoy. My existence is to serve them and deliver whatever they want. Full fill every wish they ever have and to serve and protect them till the day I die.