Former President Bush Elected MVP

A Gallup Poll that was released this week questioned Americans on who should hold the title of America’s Most Valuable President, and former president George W. Bush won by a landslide.

         People that were surveyed were asked, “Based on policies, overall performance, and charisma who do you think should be elected the MVP, or the most valuable president?” The question was then followed by a complete list of every single president of the United States, and voters could then choose. The person could also choose whether or not they wanted to leave a comment or reasons as to why they chose that president.

Presidents that topped the list, but came no where near Bush, included Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Andrew Jackson. These presidents are known for their leadership and communication skills, as well as their ability to pull a country together during times of great turmoil. Presidents that were towards the bottom of the list included Herbert Hoover, Richard Nixon, John Taylor, Andrew Johnson, and James Buchanan.

Henry Jackson, a reporter for NEWSWEEK, was shocked by the results. “This just goes to show the average American’s knowledge of America’s history,” he said. “If anyone were to win, it should have been Warren G. Harding,” he said. “At least he could even admit that he sucked.”

Many critics are citing Bush’s charisma as the main reason he should not have been elected MVP. Some of Bush’s most famous “dumb” quotes include: “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take a dream;” “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country;” and "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

Others, such as Carrie Poster, a reporter for the Chicago Tribune, are thrilled with the results. “There is no other president that deserves to be as honored and recognized as much as Bush,” she said. “We should still be thanking him for all the time and effort he put into this country.”

Many of the people that did vote for Bush cited many different reasons why he deserved the title in the comment section. The items that were cited the most were his terrorism policies, economic policies (specifically tax cuts for the wealthy), and education reforms. “Every single one of his policies I agreed with,” said June Finity. “I am your average American mom, and the things that Bush did helped me and my family financially.”

In a press release last week, Bush commented on his new title. “Well, since I am the Decider, I would have decided to make me MVP anyway!” he said. “Truly, I am honored. As I said once before, they misunderestimated me.”

To celebrate his latest victory, the entire Bush family intends on taking a vacation in a classified region due to fears that they might be poisioned again.