Dearest Dorian...

He never asked for me. He did not need another admirer nor another companion. I was unwanted from the start, I should not have been so blinded by his beauty. Foolishness... That damned Henry. It was all his doing... but I rant. I suppose I should further explain. Shall I take it from the top, darling? Ahmm.. Alright, for you my love... Dorian Gray. The very name is one of mystery, intrigue, and beauty. He treasured beauty so. That is part of the reasoning for my expressive fondness of him. He was the very soul of innocence, loveliness, and devinity. Every woman, child, even some men, wanted a mere glimpse of a chance to be a part of his life. He illuminated the air around him, he made life a wonderful trick and no price was high enough to have him. How could anyone possibly know that beneath his wonderful exterior lied a scared, scarred, and equally horrible soul? Who could have fathomed that I would be sickly attarcted to every particle, fibre, and strand of his being? How consuming his presence was... Oh, I am rambling again am I not? I apologize. The precise moment I laid eyes on him was at a most peculiar time. I was setting down to a tea with Basil Hallward. My mother had a habit of merely being a fair-weather friend to him, but I enjoyed the artist immensely. He could make beautiful things and had wonderfully awkward personality. I was wearing one of my most boring dresses as Basil begged me to not dress up. He said that in the company of him, and it being against my mother's wishes, he believed it only practical. I did not understand a bit of his logic but I accepted him as he was. We sat down at his lovely little japanese table and sipped the sweet nectar that was genuine rose tea. "Basil how did you come upon this...?" He shrugged and said, "I have my ways child." I laughed delightedly and that is the moment I glanced at the portrait covered in the corner. "You didn't mention that you were working on something, Basil." "Oh that... Well there is genuinely a story to that piece, but I am afraid I cannot speak of it." "Oh please, Basil! It's dreadful of you to keep your secrets. I have so little to pass my time with. So very little..." He looked at me sympathetically. "He is... Actually he will be here soon... I have forgotten. Oh somehow I have forgotten. I apologize dearly, Alice, but you will have to..." Just before he would kick me out of his studio in came a young man and Basil's butler. He was elegantly dressed and his bright blond hair was swept back from his extraordinarily handsome face. My first thoughts were glazed with light, a light so bright I could barely imagine the source. It was him. His wonderous beauty like a flame that caught in the air and made my heart throb. I physically felt a jab of pain in my chest. Words alluded me and I fell still and silent. "Dorian, dear, I have forgotten your visit. I apologize. Please take a seat, I'll just show my guest to the door...," Basil said sheepishly. The lad seemed to just take notice of my presence. His eyes of sapphire appraised me. I am still unsure of what he saw in those brief moments. Many nights kept me wondering if I had only been dressed more appropriately... would it have had an effect? "Basil, that is most unbecoming of you. To thrust a lady out the door in my wake. It's fine really. I could come again later if you would like. It was merely for the portrait..." Basil blushed deeply and turned to me. "Would you mind very much if he stays? You do not have to go..." Words were still lost on me and I continued to feed on his wonderful beauty. I did not realize the entirety of my careless gazing until Basil cleared his throat to draw my attention back to him. "Oh I am sorry. Uh.. Yes it is fine. Please go on I'll try to make myself invisible." Dorian frowned and said, "What purpose is there for that? Basil, introduce us." Basil obliged, "Well, this is Miss Alice Traumend. You have met her mother, the lovely Violet Baraunt. Alice, this is Dorian Gray." He was being far too nice. I knew immediately that I was not worth his time. "It is a pleasure... Miss Traumend," he half whispered. "I, yes, a pleasure... Mr.Gray." "Call me Dorian, please." "Alright, in that case please address me as Alice." He managed a smile. "Will you have tea with us first, Dorian?" Please, please, if there is a God... Please let him say yes... I begged inside. "Well I..." He seemed to see the pleading in my eyes. Again he smiled lightly and agreed. My eyes closed and I let out a breath. Thank you...