My Pet Rhino

My Pet Rhino-

         Most people have a dog or a cat or even a fish or snake as a pet. Some people have birds and others have live stock or hamsters as their family pet. Me, I have a Rhino. Many people think this is strange. My parents think my rhino is a nuisance yet unique. Well, to tell the truth I think of my unusual pet as nothing more than cool. Even though he sounds like an awesome animal companion from the wild, like anything, it has a downside. In this case it’s his name. The dreadful label he carries like an everlasting burden is Lingho. To make up for this awful name I like to call him L.G. Even though that is still pretty dorky name, it’s absolutely, in no doubt, better than Lingho. And I bet he knows it too.

         I bet that you are curious to know my name. Well, I am going to tell you. My name is Alex. Alex Richmond. Actually my full name is Alexander, but I like to go by Alex. I don’t know why. It’s probably because it’s shorter and easier to say and faster to spell. Well that’s enough of that. You don’t probably don’t care about my name that much. If you do, then you shouldn’t read this book. It’s because this book is not about my name. This is about my pet rhino, L.G, remember? If you don’t you should go see a brain doctor or something. But what do I know? So if you want to keep reading, I can’t stop you so continue if you want.          

         Ok. Let’s get back to the story. But before that we have time for a quick recap. My name is Alexander Richmond. I like to go by Alex. I have a unique pet Rhino named Lingo. He goes by L.G. Ok. Now that you’re caught up, let’s get on with the story.

         I got my pet rhino a couple of years ago at an event called, “wildlife as a pet “auction. He was only a pup so he was really small. Now that it has been a couple of years, he grew fast. He got so big so quick that we had to move from a nice but busy subdivision area to an even nicer, rural back-country part of the city with lots of land. It was a pretty big change. We got a bigger house. More land. And the biggest change of all was pretty hefty. When we moved, it went from no backyard and 50 neighbors to 63 acres of land and absolutely nobody within 8 miles of our house. Also it went from smelling gasoline and burnt tire rubber to the smell of cow poop. And instead of riding the school bus I have to drive to school. I know what you’re thinking. I sound like a little kid, about 12. But actually, I’m 17. Wow. I know. It’s a big shocker if you think about it. A 17 year old boy with a pet rhino named Lingho who lives 22 miles away from civilization and completely out of the school district. You probably are thinking how I can go to school if I’m out of the district. The easy solution is that they don’t know where we live. Ha. Pretty cool huh? Faking an address. Well, the thing is, it’s not. Every time the school sends something out to the students and parents, we have to go to the fake address, which really just is a crudely made mailbox out on the side of the road that looks like it leads to a winding driveway to a desolate property. I have to admit, even though it’s pretty tedious, it’s a pretty clever trick. Even behind all the precautions we took in planning it out and finding a good place to set it up, we are pretty sure it’s illegal. But, we really don’t care. We are ready to switch schools at a moment’s notice and destroy the evidence. As the great Mr. T said, “I pity the foo who ain’t ready for change!” That is our family’s modo.          

         You maybe are wondering what I do with my rhino. I actually play and train L.G daily. Also, since it’s my pet, I have to feed him, take care of him, and not surprisingly, clean up after him. And it’s not like picking the little doggy pooh-pooh out of the yard or emptying the litter box of kitty cat crunchies. No, this is big, smelly, and mushy. If you feel like taking a million baths after searching the yard for Chihuahua dookies, come see what I have to clean up. And I wouldn’t say I pick it up. It’s more like bulldozing it. I’m pretty sure this is what dinosaur owners did. So, think about the rhino poo every time you get grossed out you have to pick up your pets droppings.

         This was about the most accurate summary of my life. I know, it's pretty boring, but this is my life.