A short biography on our life.

My life is hardly wonderful, but I like to pretend that it is.


I will eventually acquire an account on here that will allow me a blog. At that time, I will go more in-depth about the things I talk about here. I hope it is soon. I need a way to express everything I am going through with a smile and a brick heart.

My fiance, Davey, is 23 years old and has cancer. When he was younger, he was paralyzed. He went through rehabilitation and was able to walk again, however still has back problems. We've been together 3-going-on-4 years and during that time he has always had back pain. Eventually I forced him to see a doctor and we found out about the cancer. Hes been going through chemotherapy for 4 months now. He can't work, and I can't find a job. We live on $300 per week with our cat, Leroy Jenkins. Just, barely.

I have an out-of-this world eating disorder that causes my food groups to shrink a little every day. I also have OCD, depression, anxiety disorder and two emotions, angry or deliriously happy. I also happen to be allergic to everything, and I have PCOS, IBS, chronic sinus infections, bad eyesight, insomnia and paranoia.

I don't get treatment, or see doctors. I obviously cannot afford health insurance. I deal with it on my own..but each day it seems to get a little bit more severe. I am overweight, but with my "food" problem (my mother went through the same thing at 21 and subsequently became anorexic) I don't think I will be for long.

My father chose to kill himself on December 25th, 2003. I was 15 years old. And angry as hell. He was suffering with many of the mental issues I have today and chose the easy way out. He could have stayed around and continued to hurt me. For that, I am grateful.

My mother is somewhat estranged with her own mental issues and keeps herself at a distance from me. I have learned over the years that no matter what I do, praise, joy, and love will not be coming my way. Might as well get over THAT molehill.

My eldest brother has a different mother than I. I set him up with my best friend since freshman year of high school, and they now have a 5 month old daughter. They met in January of 2009. Surprise.

My younger brother finds his life in booze and parties. My opinion of him is that he is having a hard time dealing with his own sexuality so he is going as far as possible in the other direction. Hes slowly growing up and gaining a conscience, its nice to see him have emotions again.

My aunts on both sides of my family are lesbians. My grandparents spent most of their life (up until 10 years ago or so) hiding that fact (on my fathers side) from me. I had always known about my mothers side. I have no problems with homosexuality. Its as normal to me as a man and a woman, as it should be.

My grandmother (fathers side) has heart disease, a heart aneurysm and has had 3 heart attacks. Last December her mammogram picked up something unusual but its too soon to know yet. You would never know looking at her. I am pretty sure shes a life-time member of weight watchers, and she walks 5 miles a day, among her other exercises.

My grandfather (on my fathers side) has chemo treatments every week. I have no idea why, no one has ever told me.

I did not know my grandmother on my mothers side. However, she died on the weekend of my birthday and we spent those wonderful three days cleaning her home.

I don't even know who my mothers father is. She started talking to her "step dad" about 5 years ago, one other potential father of hers died last year, and the man SHE thinks could have been her father passed away when she was young.

We own a cat named Leroy Jenkins. Yes, WoW was involved in the name making. He lives up to his name. He is also creepily like a human. More on him later. He is my lovely little man.

My obsessions are cooking, photography, and writing. Unfortunately, we cannot afford much food, I had to sell my Nikon D40 to pay the electric, and I closed off writing for a very long time.


If this seems a tad pessimistic to you, I apologize. This is one view of my life. I chose to ignore just about everything and pretend its perfect. It keeps us happy, alive, and blissfully unaware of the problems I have just written down.  This will probably be the only time I sound like this. I tend to be very chippy and smiley and blissful and wonderfully kooky.

The sad thing is, I could go into much more detail, but I plan on writing a blog about each aspect of life soon. I feel that releasing all the words, all the anger, pain, fear..everything through writing will somehow heal all the holes inside of me.


There is probably so much more I have left out. But, soon enough. Over the next months I plan on having every detail written out, expelled from my body, and hopefully released from my soul.