I Want You To Watch Me

You and I are no strangers to this pain of deceit and betrayal. We have played this sinister game long before we found each other. We have danced its treacherous steps, we have swayed along its intricate rhythm. We have fallen prey to it, we have caused it.

We have accepted it as part of our nature -- for we are nothing but aberrations in this lifetime.

And that binds us. Our random existence. Our boundless love. Our infinite pain. Our power to inflict it, our strength to withstand the same. Our capacity to love… and to forgive.

Yes, I’ve accepted that there will come a time that you will betray me… maybe it’s happening today, maybe it will happen tomorrow – it really doesn’t matter, does it? Coz how I will feel will be the same… it’ll make me deliriously insane with jealousy, I will hurt, and I will rage.

Yes, it’ll hurt unlike any other pain I’ve known because I’ve come to love you… just as you’ve come to love me. But I will never ask you to give up your ways just as I know you will never ask me to give up mine. I will accept and endure that pain as part of loving you... as you will have to accept and learn to endure the same kind of pain as part of loving me.

But bear in mind, my love, that for every time you take someone else into your bed, for every time you keep another lover other than me… know that I will take another man into my bed as well, I will keep another lover for my own.

I will betray you in the same way you will betray me. You will hurt as much as I will hurt. You will go insane in the same way I will lose my sanity. You will die in the same manner that I will die.

But before we hurt each other, give me one night with you when you can be completely mine. Give me a night to love you – and to tell you how I’m gonna love you through another man. To show you, to let you feel, and to let you know the power of my love… when I give it to someone else other than you.

I want you to experience heaven and hell at the same time, die in ecstasy and pain at the same time. By knowing how I’m going to betray you -- should you do the same to me.

And on that night that you surrender to me, when you’re finally lying on my bed waiting for me, wanting me…

I WANT YOU TO WATCH ME.

I want you to watch the look on my face transforming from triumph to desire as I approach the bed and hover over you. I want you to be deliciously aware of your excitement as you wait for me to roam and stroke every sensitive part of you

I want you to watch me intently and see the look of hunger reflected in my eyes when I lower my head to taste your lips. I want you to feel how I will smile in satisfaction as my tongue duels with yours. I want you to savor the sensation of my hands feeling, searching, exploring, tasting… every part of you.

Feel it. See it. Know it. Be aware of it all.

And I want you to listen to my voice, hard and biting, as I remind you that this is how I’m gonna do it with the next man who will lie on that very same spot you’re occupying on my bed – should you betray me.

Don’t ever you dare close your eyes, you bast*rd, coz I want you to watch my every move. I want you to watch me when I taste every inch of you. When I mold my body into yours.

And I want you to hear the threat and danger in my voice when I remind you that this is how it will be with my next lover – should you touch another woman other than me. 

Listen to yourself as I touch you, feel the possessiveness in my actions, the hunger in my lips, watch the greed and desire in my eyes as I devour you. Remember all of it coz that’s how I will devour my next lover should you push me to go to another man.

I want you to watch me as I go above you. Look at my face, don’t you ever leave it. I want you to see the look of rapture written all over it, watch my eyes turn glassy and hazy, hear my breathless command not to forget how I feel when we finally become one. Listen to me when I can no longer talk, overwhelmed by the crushing sensations of you digging deep inside my body.

Coz that’s how I will look, that’s how I will feel, that’s how I will sound – should you push me to go to another man.

Don’t you ever take your eyes off me, my love. I want you to watch as we move along to this timeless rhythm of love, as we lose ourselves to the ecstasy of this ageless dance of desire. Listen to my breathless song, listen to my melody as it grows in urgency, listen to me as it develops to its crescendo.

Feel me. Savor me. Watch me. All of me.

Coz that’s how it’s gonna be when you push me to take this treacherous dance with another man.

And I want you to memorize each f*cking moment, each goddamn act, each sound that you and I will make, each wanton look you will see on my face, and each sensation you will feel as I love you.

Memorize them. Savor them. Don’t you ever f*cking forget a single d*mn detail.

Remember them. Imprint them into your mind. I want each memory to draw daggers into your heart.

I want you to remember everything…

Coz that’s how it’s gonna be should you give me to another man.