My experience in a mental hospital. |
Day Two: I woke up to a blasting light. My eyes popped open and I sat up in my bed. Frantically I searched for something familiar, but I had no idea where I was. The walls were orange while mine were white and the floors were tile like in a… hospital. The word hospital brought everything back, and I flopped back onto my pillow. “Rise and shine!!!” Some bitch with a bullhorn shouted. “Bitch.” I thought. I had no idea who this chick was, or what kind of person she was, but she was a bitch. My roommate was already up, making her bed, perky as a peach. I prayed to God to kill me. “You better get up, or else you’ll be late for breakfast.” All I could think was what’s the point in eating, but I got up, made my bed, and brushed my teeth. Someone had brought me clothes last night. So I changed into the first thing I could grab and yanked a cheap brush through my hair. It scratched my scalp, but I actually kind of liked the pain. It brought back some sense of control when I had none. I took my sweet time, it wasn’t like there was anywhere for me to go. After 5 minutes of being awake, I heard the bullhorn bitch again. “To your ready stations!!!” I didn’t know what a ready station was, so I just sat on my bed and looked at my feet. They took away my shoes, so I wore only rainbow toe socks. I thought maybe they would cheer me up, but seeing them on the blinding white tile only made me depressed. It made me feel like a rainbow stuck in a starch white setting. I might have cried, but I decided I would never cry again last night, so I looked at my wall again. “You! Get to your ready station!” I told her I didn’t know what that was. She pointed me to a spot next to my door in the hallway, so I sat there. I sat on the dirty floor. After about 15 minutes with no talking (which I didn’t mind at all) we went to breakfast. I couldn’t really eat, so I just had a yogurt and some juice. I only ate half the yogurt. The cafeteria was large, two side surrounded by windows. Like they were trying to torture us with something we couldn’t have. There was a large flat screen TV and Spongebob was on. This brought some comfort, figuring this is what I would have been watching at home. It was familiar, familiar in a strange place. So I engulfed myself in the exciting life of that square sponge, ignoring everyone around me. We went back to the unit and I sat at my ready station. I was on Unit Restriction since I was new and they didn’t know whether or not I was stable. Unit Restriction meant we weren’t allowed to leave the our unit. I didn’t understand why the let me leave for breakfast, they said I need to have a change of atmosphere at least once that day or I might go crazy. Go crazy in this place? No way! The rest of that day went by in a blur. But that night they told me I was changing units. I didn’t care. It took me about 5 seconds to pack my stuff. They brought me up 2 floors and I was stunned. The walls were a pale blue, like someone had washed out the sky spit it into the unit. The floor tiles were in Nazi sign pattern, figuring I’m Jewish this WAS NOT COMFORTING. It made me feel like my ancestors, like I was trapped in a camp where eventually I would die. Not until I was tortured though of course. Some chick asked me if I was pregnant. I told her no and was insulted. She told me I was one of those skinny ho’s who could be three months along and you couldn’t tell. This didn’t make me feel better. My room was worse than the last one. The walls had some sort of pattern that reminded me of blades. This was counterproductive. That night I went to sleep fast, I couldn’t wait for another day to pass, bringing me that much closer to going home. To be continued…. |