Forcued Choice's Of Love continued...

I called my boyfriend as I walked out the house with my head held up high, cause I knew I had other places I could go, my dads’ mother house where my dad also stayed, my boyfriends’ house, and of course my aunts’ house, but she lived far away, so she was my last resort. Since my dads’ mother lived within walking distance from my mothers’ house, I walked there so I could wait for my boyfriend to pick up the phone. I was halfway to my grandmother’s house when my dad called me. I answered the phone, ready to tell him everything that had happened, when out of nowhere he cut me off in mid sentence and said “ you can’t go to your grandmother’s house, you have to find somewhere else to stay, because all you do is bring drama to wherever you stay, so you can’t stay at your grandmother’s house with me,” I couldn’t believe it. I was denied a place to stay by my dad. How was that possible? So I sat on the curb waiting for my boyfriend to pick up the phone, but he never picked up his phone. I then start called my best friend from college to ask if she could let me stay at her place for awhile until my boyfriend was able to figure something out for me.

As I waited on the side of the curb, my mother pulled up on me and threw a penny and plastic cup at my forehead and yelled out the window “looks like you’re a homeless dummy now” and drove off laughing. It was hours before my friend came and picked me up from the curb that I had made into a bus stop, and the whole time I was thinking at least it didn’t rain on my head.  That would have made my day worst. When I got to my friends’ apartment I was hot and tired, and when I sat on the couch I went straight to sleep. When I woke up I knew that I needed clothes and a shower; it was around two in the morning, so I knew I could go to my house and get my things. This was around the time my mother went out to see her young assistant band director boyfriend, and I also knew he would come get her from the house, and she would leave her car keys so that my sister and brother would think she was in the house. My plan was flawless, and I was ready to do the unthinkable. I wanted to be two steps ahead of my mother, and in my eyes having the upper hand was like having all the money in the world.

My friend and I drove down the street to where my mother’s house was. The head lights of her car were off, and it was parked across the street. My little sister was my inside man, and she brought all of my bags and stuff downstairs to the front door so I could make a quick get away. My sister had left he door unlocked for me and put her extra key to the house on the dining room table for me. My plan was going great, so then I thought of another plan. I would dig a deep hole in the front yard and put her car keys in it, and everything was going well until my mothers’ boyfriends’ car pulled up and I was still in the house with my mothers car keys in my hand. I was about to be caught red handed! I ran upstairs to my sister’s room to hide in her closet so that                    mom wouldn’t find out I was back in the house. My mother walked in the house and her face changed. It was like she could feel my presence in the house, and I could hear her tiptoeing around the living room area from upstairs.

My mother yelled upstairs for my little sister, and my sister got up and walked to the edge of the stairs and answered my mom’s call. “Yes ma’am,” my sister said. “Why was front door unlocked?,” my mother asked my sister. I started sweating like a pig in my sister’s small, hot closet, I felt like a serial killer on the run from the police. Then I overheard my sister say  “ I have been asleep so I don’t know how it happened,” my mother then replied “do you think I’m stupid?” My sister began to get flustered and she then yelled out “maybe when you left the house with your boyfriend you left the door unlocked,” I then heard loud foot steps on the stairs and I heard my sister scream loudly. I wanted to help badly, so I quickly but quietly got out the closet and climbed out my sisters window. Then I heard my lame ringtone but my phone wasn’t in my pocket; it was in the closet. My sister stopped screaming and I heard my mom say “what’s that sound?” I quickly jumped back into my sisters room and ran to the closet to get my phone. I shuffled my hand around the floor trying to look for my phone, when I found my phone the door was opening, I swear I moved so fast I was like the teenage vampire, Edward, from the movie “Twilight”.

Everything had gone by so fast I didn’t realize how I got out the room and onto the roof and made it to the back yard, but technically I think I just jumped out the window, fell off the roof, and before I knew it I got the wind knocked out of me when I fell off the roof and landed on my back. As I laid on the ground looking at stars, I could hear my moms’ voice screaming at my sister, asking her who was in her room. I frantically got up off the ground and got my phone. I started dialing the police. I called with an anonymous tip that there was domestic violence happening at my mother’s house. I jumped in my friends car and began tell her what happened. I then asked her why did she call me when she knew I was still in the house, and my friend said she was ready to come in because I was taking to long, but she didn’t call me at all that whole time. When I looked at my phone I saw that my boyfriend was the one that had called me. As soon as I looked up I saw police lights, and I quickly told my friend to start the car and get out of there before things got ugly.



                     



                          CHAPTER 7: IF LEAVING WASN’T ENOUGH



I called my sister later on that day, and I asked her what happened after I left. She sniffed and began to cry. “Mom got arrested because when the police came in the house she was caught slapping me around,” “Then why are you crying .She is in jail until someone gets her out” I replied back. “Our family is being torn apart. You live with your friend, dad lives with grandma, mom is in jail for beating me, and everything is getting worse.” my little sister said as she cried into the speaker of the phone. “Sis’ everything will get better. I know it will. Just have faith okay, keep me in on things at home” I told my sister in total confidence. When we got up that morning, me and my friend stared at each other and began to laugh hysterically. My friend began to clear her throat to speak, and she said “dude that was like James Bond double O’seven type deal, I thought the house was going to blow up like in the movies, the way you was running towards the car,” I began to laugh, but then I remembered that I needed to check my phone to see what my boyfriend had wanted.

When I looked through the phone I noticed that it wasn’t a phone call, it was a text message: honey I got a lot of missed calls from you, is everything okay? I saw your moms picture on an online mug shot what happened? I feel like something is wrong…../ it’s a long story call me as soon as you can, I replied back, smiling at the phone. Things were getting worse, but it was a bittersweet feeling. I didn’t really know how to feel, and then my dad called. “Your bad vibe has ruined our whole family” was the first thing he said when I picked up the phone. “I did nothing wrong, you’re supposed to be my father! You’re supposed to be there for me when nobody else is! Dad, who have you turned into, who are you trying to impress?” I was pissed off, and I had nothing more to say to my father, so I hung up on him without hesitation I felt betrayed by my father I had been there for him when my mom was stabbing him in the back it wasn’t fair how could my father just turn his back on me like that.

I went into the living room of my friend’s apartment and began to search for my mother’s mug shot online; my mind went blank when I saw my mother’s mug shot, she looked like an angry mail man that was attacked by dogs. Even though I felt bad about my mother beginning in jail, I knew it was best for her, because she now knows that she can’t get away with hitting us anymore. My mind was made up when it came to my immediate family; I longer claimed them. I felt wrong for doing it. If I really wanted to cut all ties from my parents I would have to do the same with my siblings to, I began to hear my heart crack in half when I thought about leaving my siblings I couldn’t even think about doing such a thing with out feeling pain. My mind went blank I started questioning myself, who will I talk to, what will I say to my siblings when I leave, when will I ever see my family again, where will I go to live, how will I make money, and why am I doing this? Everything was crashing down on me mentally, and my emotions were getting the best of me. I needed to do what was best for my family, but especially me. My mom was the least of my concerns. The only thing that was on my mind was my little brother and sister, because they were my world.

I was confusing myself, and my emotions were clouding my judgment, but just then there was a loud knock at my friends apartment door. My friend and I stared at each other confusedly; we didn’t know who it was, but we were very shaken up because of what we had done hours before. Since I had more courage than my friend I got up and answered the front door when I opened the door it was someone I never thought it would; be it was my little brother. He was standing there with a bag in his hand. How could he have known where I was? He began to cry, and he dropped his stuff and gave me a hug, I looked at my friend with surprise and confusion. I slowly look my brother up and down, confused about how he got here. I noticed the bottom of his pants and looked at his shoe’s; there was mud all over his sketcher shoes.

I walked my brother into the apartment, and my friend took his shoes and put them on the patio. We sat on the couch and began to stare at my brother as he wiped his tears away. “ How did you get here?” my friend asked. “ I saw you leave the house that night, but before you left I put my phone in your car and tracked you girls with my phone to get the apartment address and began to walk after the police left mom’s house”, my little brother said, still sniffling. I sat closer to my brother to comfort him, but when I put my arm around him he pushed my arm off of him. “Why are you leaving us, we’re family, if you leave I want to go with you. Nobody would even notice that I’m gone now” my brother said, loudly and angrily, and I began to tear up inside. There was nothing I could say; I was breaking my little brothers heart. I slowly turned to look at my friend, and she said “Do what you think is best.” I made my brother some French toast and eggs to make him feel better; I knew it was his favorite meal. When he fell asleep later that night, my friend and I got him into the car and drove him to my  grandmother’s house. I had to leave it, and though it was hard, it was best for everyone.

When I knocked on my grandmother’s door, I heard my brother talking in his sleep. “Please don’t leave me I need you”. I began to cry, and right then my grandmother opened the door. She automatically knew what I was about to do. She took my brother and sat him on the couch closest to the front door. She then ran into my arms and began to cry. I whispered in her ear “I love you grandma, it’s not your fault. I’ll write you everyday”. She slipped something into my pocket and told me “I knew you would come back to me before you left”. I walked away, waving goodbye, hoping it wouldn’t be my last. The last place I stopped at was my mother’s house. I hoped she wasn’t there to attack me. I climbed through my sister’s back window and I kissed her as a tear fell down from my face. I said “I love you little sis”, and as I climbed out of the window I heard my sisters voice. “Don’t, you said we was going to stick together forever, remember?”. I turned around and saw my sister sitting up in her bed. I ran back and gave her a hug; I didn’t want to let her go, but I knew I had to .“I love you, and we will always be sisters, no matter what. Look out for our brother, I’ll write ya’ll as soon as I get settled”. I took my favorite ring off my finger and placed it in her hand. “Don’t lose this, okay? This will keep us close to each other no matter how far away I am.” I slowly got up from the edge of my sister’s bed. I couldn’t do anything but cry: talking about leaving was easier than doing it. I was hurting myself and everyone else, but deep down I knew it had to be done.

I jumped off the roof and looked up at the stars, and asked god to watch over my family for me. I got up off the ground and walked around the front, when, as I turned the corner I saw my dad sitting on the porch steps. Without taking another look at him I walked towards the car. Then I heard him yell out my name, so I automatically turned towards him as he started walking towards me. I began to see tears roll down his face. My dad cleared his throat “I know you felt as though I was betraying you and taking sides, but I was just trying to protect you. You’re my oldest, my baby girl; I know you’re leaving, and I want you to know your daddy still loves you.” He began to reach out for a hug, but I turned and walked away. My dad’s apology was all I wanted, but I wanted him to feel the pain I felt. Pain I was still harboring from the abortion, and the times he was never there for me. When my mom beat me, when I was always there for him through anything. I no longer had love for my father, and it took only that moment to realize my denied feelings I had for my father.

I got in my friends car and watched my dad cry his heart out in the front yard as we drove off. Tears of restitution rolled down my face. I knew my life was now starting, and that it wasn’t going to stop till I made it. Nobody was going to bring me down. My friend and I stopped at my boyfriend’s. At my house, I told him how my father had apologized, and I felt like I had broken my families’ heart. I began to cry, and my boyfriend gave me a hug; he knew I was hurt. He was leaving everything to, but it wasn’t as hard as it was for me. His family wasn’t really a family: they were just roommates living in the same house with the same last name, or at least thats what he always used to say. I kissed him and he walked me back to the car. When I got in the car, he kissed me on my forehead and said “I’ll see you early in the morning right?” Tears ran down my face as I said yes. My boyfriend wiped my tears off my face and said “I hate to see you cry, it will get better, okay. I love you”. I smiled and we drove off. I was finally ready to leave.