A Too Expensive Meal

Word Count: 1033

          “You’re joking Ben!” Leslie said to me, her big mesmerizing blue eyes glancing into mine, and then quickly shying away.  Her beautiful face was partially hidden under her illustrious blonde hair.  My grin broadened.

          Leslie and I had been friends and classmates in college for two months now, but things between us were somewhat complicated.  See, I liked her, but I didn’t know whether or not she felt the same about me.  Yeah, I know.  This situation sounded a little high school-ish, but that’s where things stood at the moment.  We had lunch together often, but that was always during our breaks at school.  We both had the day off today, and she agreed to me taking her out to lunch for her birthday.  I took her to an Italian restaurant where my friend Roy worked.  I had made sure he was our waiter.

          “I’m serious!” I replied.  “Before Lord of the Rings, Peter Jackson directed a movie with puppet sex.”

          “That’s crazy,” Leslie giggled, her angelic voice melted me on the spot.  This day had been perfect.  Well, almost perfect…  For some reason, Roy had been acting really strange.  I didn’t know why.

          “Leslie, there was something I had been meaning to ask you.”  I was going to continue when I caught sight of Roy approaching us with the bill. He handed it to me, a strange smile on his face.  To anyone else his smile would look normal, but to me, his best friend and college roommate, I could tell that something was wrong.

          I shook my head and opened the black case that the bill was tucked in.  My head perked up in alarm when I saw what was written on the receipt.  It was three words that read:

She’s a dude!

          I looked around for Roy, and I found him standing by the host staring in my direction.  He nodded his head vehemently.  I shrugged my shoulders in confusion.  Roy beckoned me over.

          “Is something wrong?” Leslie asked.  I turned to her and smiled.

          “Nothing big,” I told her.  “It’s just a problem with our bill.  I’ll be back.”  I got up and walked towards Roy.  He went into the men’s bathroom.  I followed.

          “What’s this all about?” I asked him, holding up the little note he wrote.  “It’s not funny.”

          “I’m not joking!” he answered in an excited whisper.  “Ben, that chick is so totally a guy.”

          “What are you talking about?  No she’s not!”

          “I’m serious man!” Roy insisted.  “Can’t you see it?  It’s pretty obvious if you look closely.”  He was going to say more, but was interrupted by a man entering the bathroom.

          “Roy, they’re looking for you on table three,” the man told him.  I caught Roy’s eyes.  He had to go.

          “I’ll be right there,” Roy told the man.  He turned back to me.  “Trust me.  I know these things.  You're on a date with a man.”  He left me standing in the bathroom with my jaw wide open.

          I returned to Leslie and sat down with a loud groan.  I looked at her and she smiled at me.  “Is everything alright?”

          “Yeah,” I answered shortly.  She couldn’t be a guy.  There was no way.  She was just too beau-.  I couldn’t finish the thought.  My gaze rested on her upper lip.  Was that a mustache?  Sure enough, upon closer examination, I spotted light fuzz under her nose.  Nah, all women have some hair on their face.

          “You were going to ask me something before you left?” she asked me throatily.  Throatily!  I had never noticed it before, but her voice was kind of deep for a woman’s.  I shook my head.  Some women just had naturally deep voices.  Roy was just being stupid.

          “Uh… Yeah,” I started, snapping out of my trance.  “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask.”

          “Well, just ask,” she said.  Her fingers dancing towards mine.  She clasped my hands in hers.  They were huge and felt rough, not lady-like at all.

          “Well, I uh…”  I couldn’t get the words out.  I sat there staring at her gigantic hands.

          “Ben, there’s something I’d been meaning to ask as well,” Leslie said.  Her grip tightened.  A frightened squeal escaped my mouth.

          “Yeah…  About that…”

          “You’ve made me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time,” she told me.  I became slightly panicked.  “For the longest time men wouldn’t even look at me.  I felt so bad about myself that I even had to get an operation to f-.”

          “Wait!” I yelled.  I took back my hand and was on my feet.  “An operation!”
         
          “Ben, what’s wrong?” Leslie (if that was his/her real name) asked, concerned.  She stood up and moved towards me.

          “No!  Just stay away!  I mean, I have nothing against people like you, but you should have told me!”

          “What are you talking about?”  She inched in closer and reached her hand out to me.  Animal instinct took over and I pushed her out of my way.

          “Just stay the hell away from me okay!” I yelled, backing away.  Everyone in the restaurant was looking at us.  I didn’t care.  I whipped out my wallet and threw out forty bucks.  “Here, just pay the bill!  Okay!  I gotta go!”

*          *          *

          Leslie cried as she sat alone at a table in Pasta Italia, her face hidden by her long blonde hair.  The events that had just transpired had reminded her of how men treated her before the plastic surgeon had fixed her hooked nose.  She would never be happy like the people in the movies.  She dreamed of finding Mr. Right every night, but she knew it would never happen.  Men would always find her repulsive.

          A napkin appeared in front of her.  She looked up and saw the waiter, Roy, standing over her with a sympathetic smile.  Leslie had recognized him from her College Algebra class.  She took the napkin from him and dabbed her eyes.  “Thank you.”

          “Look,” Roy said.  “That guy was just a jerk.  I think you’re very beautiful.  In fact, my shift ends in an hour.  Would you like to catch a movie?”

          Leslie smiled.  Roy was kind of cute.  “Sure.”

*          *          *

Liked this story?  Check out some of my others.  I have something for everyone!

Short Stories (Non-Nate Gillen)  (E) These are my different short stories. There's something for everyone. #1690969 by Jonathan Marx

Or try checking out my real pride and joy.  Mysteries starring my seventh grade detective Nate Gillen.

Nate Gillen Mysteries  (E) Think you're smarter than Nate Gillen? Match wits with my seventh grade detective! #1690972 by Jonathan Marx