undying love chapter 2: signs of love

Chapter 2: signs of love

Hikari’s diary:

A week has passed since that thing with kazuma-san, I can still feel my body tingle all over whenever I thing about how close we were. Still, I feel awful, for mom, for Madoka and for myself. I can’t believe what I did and I still can’t look kazuma-san in the face much less talk to him, but I can’t keep avoiding him forever, I have to face him and make things right again. On that note I have been trying to be friendly with him again lately but for some reason all my efforts keep blowing up in my face, I’ll explain.
For example, the other day mom asked me to go clean the bathroom, I don’t really enjoy cleaning that place all that much but as usual I said yes, my mom works hard everyday and I’d feel bad if I didn’t help her out a bit around the house. Anyway, while I was busy cleaning up the bathtub kazuma-san came into the bathroom all of the sudden looking for something and spotted me leaning over the large bathtub trying to scrub the bottom – on a side note; I’m not very tall and the position I was in at the moment wasn’t exactly decent – upon seeing this kazuma-sans pervert mode kicked in and the jerk slapped my ass which in turn made me fall into the bathtub and drag him along with me because of the fright it gave me.
In the end we were both lying on the bottom of the tub with him over me and the shower running on our heads. My clothes got drenched and since the stupid dress I was wearing was pure white it was like a live run of wet t-shirt ladies. And to top it all off the stupid pervert didn’t stop staring at my breasts, still thankfully covered by the bra but still…
But the good part comes now; which is, even after all this annoying stuff I didn’t get mad at him, I actually swallowed the load of punches I wanted to give him just to try and preserve the remainder of our relationship and the thanks I get for that is another stupid kiss mark on my neck that made me wear turtleneck sweaters all week.
Stuff like this has been happening all the time lately and it’s beginning to tire my patience, how in the world am I supposed to make up with that guy if stuff like this keeps happening all the time?!     

Monday 25 March 2010:

I almost didn’t have time to write today because of all the stuff that happened. But even though it’s late and I’m half dead I’ll try to write down everything that happened to the best of my ability.
Like on a normal Monday, I got up early in the morning to get ready for school (actually kazuma-san had to wake me up again but that’s a different story), I put on my uniform, fixed my hair and went down to the kitchen to have breakfast with my family. As I entered the kitchen I immediately spotted kazuma-san sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in one hand and the newspaper in the other, and afterwards I saw my mom by the counter putting the usual pounds of butter on my toasts. I approached my mom, gave her a kiss on the cheek and said good morning then I went towards the pervert with the coffee and for some reason he didn’t even notice my presence until I gave him a pat on the shoulder and said good morning. I though it was strange at the moment, I mean, he was always so eager to annoy me in the morning and all of the sudden he decides to just start ignoring me, it bothered me but I guess I didn’t give it as much credit as I should have on that moment. 
Anyway, after having my breakfast as usual I left for school. It’s only a short walk to school from my house and since I usually run into Madoka along the way I still prefer walking over going by car with kazuma-san.
And like usual I ran into Madoka almost after leaving the house, looking at her still pains me a little, I know just how much she really loved kazuma-san and it feels as if I’ve betrayed her trust, she’s already hurting enough now that she lost him to my mother if she ever found out about that incident she would probably never look me in the face again. But regardless of my hidden feelings, I approached her as naturally as I could like I’ve been doing since that day and said good morning, she replied with a smile and we continued our way talking about the usual things.
After a few minutes we arrived at the large school gate surrounded by sakura trees and Madoka spotted Shouma leaning against the wall by the gate, immediately she ran to him with her usual energy and gave him a powerful pat on the shoulder while saying good morning, he looked really annoyed and started yelling on the spot but even still I can always see a hidden smile across his face as he lectures her.
I finally approached my loud friends after a few minutes of laughing silently from afar and Shouma immediately noticed me coming and walked towards me to say good morning with the usual embarrassing kiss on the forehead, I blushed like a tomato but didn’t say anything and simply lowered my head, I guess I must have gotten used to it after all the time that’s passed but something was different today, I noticed kazuma-san looking at us with sad eyes from inside his car that was parked right behind us and for some reason I got an amazing sense of self awareness on that moment and immediately started yelling at Shouma who, in his ignorance as to what had gotten over me, just stood there perplexed as I continued to scold him about a bunch of things I didn’t agree with myself. I felt awful about it afterwards and kept scolding myself mentally while in class which is probably the reason why I got such an awful headache afterwards.
Anyway, while I was scolding Shouma kazuma-san passed by us and said good morning with a strangely pleased smile on his lips which made me incredibly angry, I still can’t believe I got mad at my friend over that stupid pervert. But, regardless of my angry self the bell rang right after kazuma-san passed by and I had to hurry to class, along with a still confused Shouma and an angry Madoka for being left out.
We attended class as usual and as I referred above I got an awful headache due to mental scolding afterwards and was forced to go to the infirmary by Shouma, now this was one of the most peculiar parts of my day.
The only ones who went to the infirmary were me and Shouma because Madoka had to run home to pick up something she forgot. When we got to the infirmary Shouma knocked at the door and the school nurse came to open it for us asking what the matter was on the way. Shouma explained to her that I’d been having a strong headache for a while and after examining me a bit the nurse told me to lie down on one of the beds and get some rest because it was probably exhaustion. I did as I was told and taking off the coat of my uniform I lied down on the bed closest to the large window and Shouma sat beside the bed on a small bench. We just stood there silently for a while, the nurse had left to go do something and the fact that we were alone in the infirmary seemed to be making Shouma restless, but then he finally broke the silence with a peculiar question; I’ll put down our conversation:
- Hey Hikari… do you have feelings for kazuma-sensei? – He asked with his hands crossed below his chin and a serious look on his face. I remember I panicked for a moment and didn’t know what to say but after a while I finally replied:
- I think… I might have had some before, but ever since he married my mother I haven’t though of him in that way… - I lied with my eyes fixed on the pure white blankets of the bed. His face looked even more serious than it was before and then he said:
- is that so… - I have to admit, his voice was so dark as he said those words it actually sacred me a little, it felt as if I didn’t know my childhood friend at all for a moment.
- Yeah… - that was all I could say to him afterwards and the next thing I remember he was getting up from the bench and staring at me as if deciding something.
- Hikari I… - he whispered and suddenly he was hugging me as tightly as anyone ever did. At first I was so shocked I actually yelled at him but then I realized just how serious he was and stopped struggling all together. I reckon he saw my reaction as an okay sign for what he did next.
After hugging me for a while Shouma finally began to release me a little bit but just as I was about to take a deep breath and ask him what the matter was he suddenly grabbed both my arms and pulling me closer to him planted a deep kiss on my lips. I could do nothing to stop him since that boy has an amazing amount of strength in him and he was probably using all of it to hold me in place on that moment. But suddenly something even more unexpected happened, kazuma-san came rushing into the room with a flustered face followed by Madoka who appeared to have been dragged along, and saw the whole scene with the most surprised and heartbroken look I ever saw on a persons face. He just stood there for a while silently and then left, violently shutting the door behind him withough regard for Madoka who had to jump out of the way to avoid being crushed. For some reason a tear rolled down my face at the tough of kazuma-san and noticing this Shouma immediately released me and pushed me away from him as if repenting for what he had done. But this didn’t comfort me and in my confusion at all that was happening I began crying with my face against Shouma’s chest. Madoka couldn’t bring herself to approach us and just stood there holding on to the doorknob with a worried look on her face. And my tears just kept coming; Shouma's shirt was getting soaked. I wonder what came over me to make a scene like that; it’s not like me at all.
Well anyway, after crying for a while I finally came to my senses but as soon as I realized who I was leaning against I immediately ran out of the room and rushed down the halls at high speed until I reached the outside and bumped into a sakura tree. I sat there for a while, under the tree, long enough for a bunch of leaves to pile up on my head… I though about everything that had happened and tried to make something out of it but for some reason nothing was making sense, so I just stood there until I finally decided to get back to class.
The rest of the day went by very slowly, I didn’t talk to Shouma or Madoka and kazuma-san avoided me with all his might, which made me even more depressed.
When the bell finally rang signaling that classes were over for the day I immediately rushed out of the school and headed for the park where the incident with kazuma-san had occurred. I sat down on my favorite bench under a sakura tree and probably dozed off for a while because the next thing I know, I open my eyes and kazuma-san is sitting beside me with a smile on his face. I stared at him stupidly for a while and pinched my cheek to make sure I was really awake. Then he said:
- Sorry about barging in on you tow today, I probably should’ve knocked instead of storming the place like that…
He looked so sad as he said those words I can’t begin to describe how they made me feel.
- Kazuma-san you’ve got it all wrong, Shouma and I aren’t lovers or anything, we’re only childhood friends and what you saw… I don’t know how to explain but… it was only Shouma acting on his own. I even tried to break free but he was grabbing me too tightly… sorry if I made you worry… - I explained as earnestly as I could while deeply looking into kazuma-sans blue eyes. But what he said to me in response was something very sad for me to hear.
- I see… but you don’t need to worry about my feelings. You have all the right in the world to find a boyfriend that can make you happy and I have no business getting in the way of that. Still, I’m glad you told me that… - my heart was being shattered to pieces with every word and after using up all my patience I finally snapped and said:
- I see… that’s right. You don’t do you? I’m such an idiot… for ever feeling sorry for an idiot like you! Always acting like you have feelings for me and getting closer to me… I actually believed you were serious for a moment! But of course that was only me being naïve, what could you possibly feel for a little high school student like me, being married to my mom on top of it. How foolish of me… to think that… that’s right! Maybe I’ll start dating Shouma; he’s a really nice guy and it seems he really cares for me… - I remember, a waterfall of tears was running down my face as I said those words, but when I was finally able to see again and looked up, I saw a look of repentance on kazuma-sans face that I had never seen on anyone before.
- I’m sorry… - he said as he suddenly hugged me tightly, a strong passionate hug, but it felt different from Shouma’s, warmer, and gentler… - I was being an idiot, sorry for making you feel that way. I never meant to hurt you. Please don’t say that you’ll start going out with other guy’s! I know this’ll sound selfish but I don’t want any other man to touch these tender lips ever again, I want to keep you all to myself, I want you to become mine completely! – I was speechless as I heard those words but he continued – so please, don’t say that you’ll go out with that Shouma boy anymore!
- y-yes… - I replied reluctantly, feeling my cheeks burning up with each passing minute.
But then he suddenly released me from the hug but kept holding on to my arms as Shouma had done before kissing me. Kazuma-sans deep blue eyes peered into mine intensely and for a second I felt as if I’d been hypnotized, his face started to come closer to mine until finally our lips met, he put an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. I felt his tongue enter my mouth and curl up with mine. I have to admit I’m a bit inexperienced so I had trouble with breathing and as I opened my mouth to try and breathe a string of drool came rolling out. Kazuma-san is a really good kisser and I don’t think I ever felt the way I did on that moment. It was like the whole world had stopped and all the people aside from the tow of us had disappeared, It felt as if I was floating, kazuma-sans lips were soft, so warm and so gentle, I really wished we could have stayed that way forever…