The Weed

         I looked down at what was supposed to be a tomato plant, disappointed.  This endeavor to grow my own vegetables was going poorly so far.  I did, however, apparently have a green thumb for weeds.  I knelt in the soft soil to tend to my stunted crop.  I grabbed one weed, then another, one by one removing them, making sure to grab by the base, and pull out roots and all.  As my garden became cleaner and cleaner, I felt myself relax, enjoying the process of caring for my plants. 

         I finally came to an odd little weed.  It had a thick stalk, and low flat leaves with prickly spines at its edges.  In the center of the plant rose a spiked ball, bright blue, and vicious.  Not being one to be easily frightened by vegetation, I grabbed hold of the thick stalk and pulled.  Nothing.  I repositioned myself over the weed, both feet planted firmly in the soil, and assumed a squatting position.  I grabbed hold of the plant once again, took a deep breath, and began to pull.  It stood fast at first, and I strained against it like a sled dog.  I gritted my teeth, squinted my eyes, and pushed with everything I had.  The weed started to slide.  I didn’t let up, and pulled and pulled and pulled.  I kept expecting the root to give and for my rear end to find itself on the ground, but the foul thing kept resisting. 

         Finally, I came to a stop, legs fully extended, and I opened my eyes, fully expecting to see the rest of whatever buried tree I had discovered.  I looked down and was filled with puzzlement.  The weed was just as I had found it, leaves flat on the ground, blue bulb mocking me.  I found that my efforts had succeeded only in burying myself up to my waist, a feat that I was fairly certain was not possible.  I struggled against the soil, but found my legs firmly embedded in the dirt.  I started to reach for the tiny hand shovel to dig my way out, but had no sooner started to bend, than the earth in which I was encased gave way.  I felt like I fell for an eternity, and surely must have, for I saw no sunlight above me when I landed.  A faint orange glow in front of me showed me that I was in some kind of cavern.  I tried to stand and was surprised when my head crashed into the ceiling. 

I tried to shake it off as it started to throb and reoriented myself, hunched over, and started moving toward the light.  I couldn’t tell how far I went, and as much as I moved forward, it seemed the light only receded.  After what seemed like miles (but surely must have only been a few yards) I finally felt myself gaining on the light.  I turned a corner and saw the strangest thing I’d ever encountered.  It was a miniature person, not a dwarf, but a tiny person, entirely in proportion, but only about three feet tall.  It stood perfectly still, holding a lantern at its eye level.  Its clothing seemed strangely familiar, but at the same time archaic.

         “Uh, hello,” I said, not really knowing what else to say. 

         “Hello,” it said, its tinny voice seemingly absorbed by the narrow corridor.  At least it could speak.  I decided to pick its brain.

         “Where are we?”

         “Here,“ it replied.

         “Where is ‘here’?” I asked.

         “Beneath.”

         “Beneath what?”

         “What lies above.”  I was starting to feel like it was toying with me.

         “Is this some kind of trick?” I asked.

         “No, do you want it to be?”

         “Uh, no, I want to get out of here.”

         “But here is where you are.”

         “Yes, I know, I don’t want to be here.”  This creature’s logic was wearing thin with me.

         “You can’t not be here, here is wherever you are.”

         “What are you talking about?  Who are you?”  I was starting to get very agitated.

         “I am me, and I am talking about whatever you like.”

         It was clear that reason and discussion was getting me nowhere, and the growing lump on my head was not helping.

         “Can you take me out of this place?” I said, hoping I had found the right combination of words to get my point across. 

         “Of course, I can.  Follow me.”  The creature turned and ran down the tunnel.  I waddled after him as best I could, but quickly began falling behind.

         “Slow down,” I shouted, but he kept pulling farther ahead.  Before long, I was just following a faint glow at the limit of my view again.  I kept moving and eventually noticed the light getting nearer and nearer.  Just as I thought I was coming upon the little creature, I saw that the glow was getting much brighter than his lantern.  Had I found the way out?  I sped up.  The light got brighter and brighter, and it seemed like it would completely envelope me, when suddenly I felt myself fall.

~~~~~

         “I think he’s waking up.”

         “Honey?  Honey?  Are you ok?”

         I fought to focus my eyes in the bright sunlight.

         “Honey, are you ok?”

         The silhouette of my wife and neighbor came into shape before me.  They seemed to be standing on the wall.  That couldn’t be right, but then again, I was clearly in no position to judge what was possible.  As my vision and senses started functioning again, it became apparent that I was lying down, and they were standing over me.  I reached up and touched a tender lump on my head.

         “Careful, you hit your head when you fell,” my wife said.  That couldn’t be, I hit my head after I fell – where?  I shook off my daze and sat up, and saw that evil blue weed lying defeated on the ground at my feet, its roots strewn across the ground.  I smiled victoriously. 



998 Words