Betrayal

A tear slowly made its way down my cheek. It was then followed by another one, and one more. The summer evening had suddenly become cold and the sky had darkened. The only light came from a streetlight a twenty meters away.

I was sitting all alone on a swing in the abandoned playground. It might sound silly that a girl as old as me would still go to a place like that, but I do sometimes, to reflect on things. It makes me feel better. That evening was no exception. I had ran out of my house and ended up here, on the same swing as always.

I held my cell phone in a tight grip. It was ridiculous really, because if I would feel that all too familiar vibration, it still wouldn't be the text I was waiting for. I supposed that it would never come. It still hasn't.

The soft raining made me feel a bit better. I like rain, especially when I'm sad. It's refreshing and it feels like it washes away everything. How welcoming it would be if it really could wash away everything.

Don't get me wrong now. It's not like something terrible happened. It's not like my parents died or anything. It's just that when these things hit you, you can't shake it off that easily. Her texts came like a punch to the stomach. Friendship is never easy, is it? Especially not when a friend, the most precious and loved, is a false, selfish and mean bitch who steps on your feelings. Yes, that evening I had the need to insult her and to hurt her. Perhaps calling her those things would make me feel better? I still feel like that. It's only been one day though. I haven't heard from her. I haven't tried to talk to her either, not after she stopped replying to my texts. Like she felt some kind of shame at what she had written or like she didn't feel anything at all. Not that it mattered, the damage had already been done. I don't know if I will accept her apology if it comes because although I've forgiven her up until now, this was... No, this was the end.

Because why should I let anyone treat me like that? Does she really deserve my friendship? It wasn't just this time. Although this really was the worst thing she has ever done to me, the worst thing anyone has ever done to me, I've been hurt so much before. And friends who hurt their friends without showing remorse are not good friends. And they will never become good friends.

And even though the sadness and insecurity of betrayal burns inside of me, I won't be weak again. I won't befriend her again. She doesn't deserve my friendship. And I don't deserve to be betrayed like that.

Evening turns into night and as I'm sitting there, I've thought it through. It's better now. I slowly get up and walk back home.

I know I won't be able to sleep well.