Tragic

She held me in her arms
Told me "love you, go to sleep."
I clutched her arms and
Whispered "baby, my hearts yours to keep."

She smiled in that boyish way
Pressed her face in my hair
Said "i will keep you safe and warm,
You'll always have me there."

I squeezed her hand and murmured
"Promise me that's not a lie?"
"Never" she breathed lovingly.
"Without you I would die."

I snuggled in for warmth
Pleased and happy just to know.
And who could have predicted
I'd be the first to let go?

I wont forget her face,
Fallen, ashen, all cried out
Never forget the pain I saw
The breaking I had felt

If lovers love so greatly and
Real love is hard to miss,
Then how could I have been so blind
And put us through all this?

I watched her find a lover
A replacement, I was sure.
In all the hurt wed suffered
This part I could not endure

And there it was so plainly
In the smile on her face
holding hands in pictures
While my tears went all to waste.

I started hearing rumors about
new love being made
And beautiful whispers where
me and *my girl had once laid

I begged for space much needed
Sobbing, gasping on the phone.
I'd never felt so beaten,
so despondent and alone.

But who was I to break,
One who'd said her feelings ceased?
The shame of what I'd done
Made the agony increase.

No more than four
Mere days had passed
Before I got a call.
"I need you, please listen to me,
You're all I have, at all."

She told me they were over
That the fighting wouldn't end
That she had missed me desperately
And wanted her best friend

And just as things had darkened
Everything seemed to begin
To look brighter and more hopeful
That I'd be with her again.

Encouraged by the difference
In the way we could relate,
I asked if there's a future
Where she and i could date.

She said "not sure,
But if we got together, I'd be glad.
were taking steps to make it be
Something that we once had."

We made big plans for movies
And for arts and crafts and games
The way that things were looking up,
I thought she felt the same.

But tragedies have taught us,
Nothing beautiful can stay.
And everything came to a halt
One hot and gloomy day

"I'm still with her" she stated,
As if I should understand.
I screamed and threw the phone out,
Made a ball out of my hand.

I've never had a black eye,
Nor such bruising on my cheeks.
I lied and said I'd fallen,
I used that excuse for weeks.

I tried to find her love
In a girl I barely knew.
And when her fingers thrusted me
I hoped I'd tear in two

I stopped hearing her voicemails
And her anger on the line,
I stopped taking her screaming of
"Stop it! You should be fine!"

I laid in bed and wept,
Feeling my broken heart wail.
How could I pick up pieces
When my life was off the rails?

3 weeks went by, no word,
But I soon began to smile
I told myself "girl, you can do this.
It just takes a while."

I feel it in my heart,
That sad aching is still there
Ill never replace what we had
The moments we have shared.

But somewhere down the line,
Something heavy's gotta give.
I can't keep being hopeful
For a change, I've got to live.

If that means I can't see her
For a week, a month a year,
So be it, I can only work
On moving past my fear.

No matter what,
I have to be the me I was before.
And soon Ill claim a dignity
For leaving deaths cold door.