Coping since the loss of my Father

How have I coped in the years since my dad died? well, sometimes I think I am coping well, and other times I realise that I am not coping as well as I thought I would, but this is a normal thing to feel, he hasn’t left me, and yes I wish he was here who wouldn’t when you have lost a loved one, and boy did I love my Dad and still do and will always love him.

I will never forget him because he is with me in everything I do, I just learn to miss him, and I know Mum does too. Still talk about dad when I something significant happens, a birthday, or father’s day, Christmases, an anniversary and or when something is happening at work. Especially when I am going to have another operation, I often say to Mum I wonder what Dad "would think" and or I wonder what Dad "would have done", and to be honest I miss talking to him, I miss going to the places we used to go and I truly miss his favourite saying which was “Bones is going to bed”, and that was because dad always had back problems and suffered a lot of pain at times, when he got tired his bones would creak.

It’s strange in a way because I say I wonder what Dad “would have done” and to be honest, I am doing what I am doing correctly because he still lives in me, and therefore still guiding me, letting me make certain mistakes and rejoicing when I achieve, this is my journey and I don’t think I am doing a bad job of it. I know Mum misses him although doesn’t really talk about it. I know Mum is on a new journey now; it’s as if the roles have been reversed. Mum and Dad looked after me and showed me the way, now I am showing Mum the way to acceptance, I know she hasn’t really accepted losing her limb, and probably never will, but I know that she is also playing the game of life, and playing the hand that has now been dealt her way, and yes Dad I am looking after her as I always promised.

I wish you were here now Dad, just think of what we would have been doing now together, I am sorry you missed my 18th, and all my birthdays after, When I am in hospital having yet another operation, I miss you coming to visit with all the magazines, and you lifting me into my chair so we can go for a walk, I miss opening all my Christmas presents with you, and shouting to you and Mum can I get up now!!!!!!!

When Mum and I went to London with my friend last year, both mum and my friend were nodding off on the train. I was looking out of the window watching the world whizz past, I got lost in my zone and thought of you Dad, what would you of thought us going to London on a train ? I know exactly what you would have thought, and that is look at you go!!!!!!! You show Mum the way.