Good Intentions

like .. a one sided penny...

like...a cube with 2 dimensions...

like... Christmas candy with no red parts...

anamalous....mutated...alien strains of human DNA....

a bloodless heart with 2 chambers that still beat life into my loveless body...

a brain with synapses that lead to nowhere other than each other...

tears devoid of saline and emotion...stirring feelings in you that are devoid of nothing...

i turn on the flow...the essence of me and spew it forth in jet streams and leaking drips...

you drink heartily...then you fast....my actions wrecking havoc with your metabolism...

pockets of feelings in places you would love to be svelte...and no extra padding where I hit the hardest...

my words ...my sharp tongue...my lackluster ways and days and ebb and flow of sweet caresses and uplifting quotes..

i can and do tear at walls...just to see them crumble...I have no self righteous motive...Berlin was just some bricks that blocked my view..

and i erect a bigger and better wall...just to prove i can....

i leave crevices in the mortar..not big enough to undermine the integrity of the structure...but thick enough for you to peek thru and covet what i will not relinquish

and then...in the cruelest of crimes..i patch the cracks..one by one...just as you surrender to subsist on the peep show....taking away the meagerness you had agreed to settle for..

if you bluster and blow at the unfairness of me...and if you cry and mumble confusion...I will cajole...and empathize...until you are convinced...that it was a necessary evil ...and not to worry ur pretty little head about me...because i know the secrets of the wall...and MY vision...will never be fully obstructed...and you will sigh in blind relief that at least my perspective is still intact.

evil incarnate...evil in residence...evil in lambs clothing and smelling of magnolias ....evil with a sugary coated voice...evil with experienced lips and soft hands..

palatable evil...

marketed to a select echelon of bois...

a coveted group...

who are smart enough not to be fooled....and yet.....remain standing in the shadow of the wall everyday

the days you yell over the wall for me to answer...over and over....calling my name...awaiting my return...i was never gone...i heard you...i did not answer...because i am addicted to the sound of your need...and if i make myself available your need dissipates...

and i slip into the crowd of regular grrls...with regular words...and good intentions