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Rated: E · Assignment · Educational · #1709341
Flagging a story with Freytag's Pyramid
Color Key used to flag parts of Freytag's Pyramid

Exposition

Rising Action

Climax

Falling Action

Resolution


Original version of Vacation Interrupted


The morning started like all the others this week, this wonderful week of my vacation at the beach. I had been dreaming about this for six months, saving, planning what to take, making reservations, and then the big step of renting the little cottage.

The house stood somewhat isolated from the rest with weather-beaten gray siding. The beach side was full of windows. I spent hours looking out on the crashing waves. Sandpipers did their little dances back and forth, staying away from the incoming foam. Seagulls shrieked above, searching for their meals. Smelling the salt spray and squishing sand between my toes, I could not have been happier.

I was out of milk and, instead of a dull trip in the car, I decided to take my bicycle for the run down to the little grocery and bait shop. I thought I might want to check out the beach farther down so I threw a towel and pillow in the basket, put on my sunglasses, and started out on a leisurely ride, or so I thought.

The dog came out of nowhere. Barking and snarling, he raced around me. I pedaled faster, but I could not get away. My legs were like lead.


Just when I knew I could not pedal any farther, I heard whistles and shouts behind me. Pricking up his ears, the big dog stopped. Within seconds, he raced in the opposite direction. I hopped off my bike just in time to see the shepherd jump into a red pickup. The driver sped away without even so much as an “I’m sorry.”

With shaking legs, I sat down in the sand and let the tears flow. Feeling better, I continued on to the store.
A red pickup waited by the door.


Twisted Version of Vacation Interrupted


The huge, black dog came out of nowhere across the sandy beach road. Barking and snarling, he raced around my bicycle. Nipping at my feet with quick lunges and flashing teeth, I pedaled faster, but nothing I did put any distance between us. My legs began to feel like lead.

The morning had started like all the others this week, this wonderful week of my vacation at the beach. I had been dreaming about this for six months, saving, planning what to take, making reservations, and then I had taken the big step of renting the little cottage.

The house stood somewhat isolated from the rest with weather-beaten gray siding. The beach side was full of windows. I had spent hours looking out on the crashing waves, watching sandpipers do their little dances back and forth, staying away from the incoming foam. Seagulls shrieked above, searching for their meals. Smelling the salt spray and squishing sand between my toes, I could not have been happier.

I was out of milk and, instead of a dull trip in the car, I had decided to take my bicycle for the run down to the little grocery and bait shop. I had thought I might want to check out the beach farther down so I threw a towel and pillow in the basket, put on my sunglasses, and started out on a leisurely ride, or so I had thought.

Ever since watching Damien at the movies when I was a little girl, I had been petrified of big, black dogs. Each time the animal approached me, I could hear his rapid breath and see saliva drooling out the sides of his mouth. If one of his lunges knocked me off my bike, I imagined him chewing on my ears, fingers, even my nose. I shouted and yelled obscenities at him, but it just seemed to make him more determined.

At the point when I knew I could pedal no farther, I heard whistles and shouts somewhere behind me. Pricking up his ears, the big dog stopped in his tracks. Within seconds, he turned and raced in the opposite direction toward the commotion. I hopped off my bike just in time to see the shepherd jump into a red pickup. The driver sped away without even so much as an “I’m sorry.”

With shaking legs, I sat down in the sand, scrunched up my knees, and hugging myself, I let the tears flow. Feeling better after a good cry, I stood up on slightly shaky legs, got back on my bike and continued on to the store.
The first thing I noticed when I got there was a red pickup parked in front of the entrance.

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