Mind Games

We moved a lot as I was growing up. This was especially because of my fathers business. so every time the business changed we changed houses. It was quite interesting because we were suddenly relocated without consulting or informing. We did not have time to prepare ourselves for the move or for that matter say goodbye to the friends that we had made. Having said this we were moving not because my father was unsuccessful in any of his business ventures but because he was expanding and needed his family to be around him. Much that I appreciate this now I hated it back then. Well, for one I was always the new girl, so always had to pass the test before I could settle into a group of friends and by the time I did have any it was time to move.

I didnt realize it but it did have an effect on me. I was unable to continue my friendships for a long time. Every three years I wanted a new set of friends because I had reached my point of saturation with the previous one. As a single person it was fine, but the ordeal started when I got married. We lived in the same place for 6 years and I was nearing saturation. I had to get out of those friendships. I could not handle all those people, the same jokes, the same topics...aaaaaaaaaghhhhhh. So my mind cam up with an excellent plan. I started sabotaging my relationships with people. Avoiding them, gossiping about them and doing everything possible to reach the conclusion oh it was now time to move out of this place.

The funny part is I did not realize it until recently that I was doing all this. I have been thinking to my self that why is it that a group of people who I was so fond of at one time is difficult to even look at now. And just then it dawned on me. I was sabotaging my friendships unconsciously and I was about to do the same this time. Now started the battle within me to do the right thing and to actually go ahead and do something than gets me confused. This is one of the must difficult battles I have fought. I know will do the right thing, but till then I must fight, because our mind loves playing games with us.