The Bureau of Hauntings

Amanda Grayson's high heels clicked against the marble floor as she briskly walked back to her office. She glanced over the pages in the folder she was holding as she rounded the corner. Glancing at the middle aged man sitting in front of her desk, she navigated her way around said desk and took her own seat. She studied the file for a few more seconds before setting it down and turning her attention to the man. “So, you have been dead for three months and two days now. Is that correct, Mr. Blythe?”

The man nodded. “Yes, Ms. Grayson. A heart attack took me in the middle of my sleep.”

“And your death occurred in the ranch house at 1706 Allen Street?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“According to my records, it's a pleasant home in the middle of a rather nice suburb.”

“It is, Ms. Grayson.”

“You must surely understand, Mr. Blythe, that this makes your request for a haunting permit rather unusual. Such permits are much more readily granted for abandoned houses in the worst parts of town or even warehouses in the industrial parts of the city.”

“Yes, Ms. Grayson. However, I've heard that your office has made exceptions. I believe the request for a haunting permit was granted for 9834 Chesterson Avenue in record time.”

Ms. Grayson rubbed her temples and sighed. “Yes, that is true. However, those were extenuating circumstances. The Chesterson location involved a double homicide, where one of the victims was se on fire and allowed to burn to death. Such a violent history lends a great deal of weight to such a request. You're sudden death, while personally tragic, was quite natural and ordinary. It's not the stuff of great haunting tales, to be honest.”

Mr Blythe sighed. “I know it doesn't, but surely there is something I can do. You have to understand, this is about my wife.”

Ms. Grayson gave the man a puzzled look. “Your wife? I believe she is still alive, is she not?”

“Yes, and living it up, I must say. I've only been dead a few months, and she's already dating again.”

“I see. Mr. Blythe, is this why you want a haunting permit? To get back at your wife for moving on so quickly.”

“Well, yes. I know it's not a very noble reason. But I'd just like her to remember me a bit longer rather than replacing me so quickly.”

Ms. Grayson sighed and tapped her fingers on her desk. Finally, she spoke. “Mr. Blythe, I must be frank with you. One of the main reasons that the Bureau of Hauntings was created twelve years ago was precisely to weed out cases like yours. With the advent of ghost hunters, it's become clear that we must be much more careful about how many and the quality of hauntings we permit.”

“I don't think I understand.”

“No, I imagine you wouldn't. You see, hauntings will only remain effective so long as the living neither become too skeptical of them nor too certain that they are real. For years, that has been an easy balance to maintain. There was no way to objectively demonstrate whether a haunting was real, and yet people's experiences kept people interested enough to believe in them.

“Now these ghost hunters have come along, and they're actually finding ways to demonstrate that something really is happening at hauntings. So now finding that balance is more difficult. If we go too far overboard, they have concrete proof and they start looking for ways to end hauntings. If we don't go far enough, they convince everyone hauntings are a lot of hogwash.

“To be honest, there's a greater push to make haunting the sole domain of licensed professionals, because inexperienced and untrained people like yourself just aren't good enough to walk that kind of line with the ghost hunters. If I were to grant you this permit and you were investigated by ghost hunters, you'd surely expose yourself.”

“So you're going to turn me down,” Mr. Blythe asked, the disappointment clear in his voice.

Ms. Grayson sighed. “I'm afraid I have to. However, I'm not unsympathetic to your plight. As such, I'm going to grant you a lesser permit for minor disturbances and interference. Please understand that the things that this allows you to do is quite limited. For example, actual apparitions are completely out of the question. Mainly, this allows you to rearrange small objects when no one is looking, leave people with the sense that they are being watched, and generally create an indistinct sense of unease. This should keep the ghost hunters away, but still let you trouble your former spouse a bit.”

Mr. Blythe nodded. “I understand. Thank you, Ms. Grayson.”

“I'm not done yet. I'm also requiring you to attend a three day workshop on lesser hauntings. You will not receive your permit until you have completed the workshop.”

“Very well. How do I sign up for the workshop?”

Ms. Grayson scribbled something on a post-it note before handing it to the man. “Just take this down the hall to Mr. Kline's office. He will fill out the necessary paperwork and tell you when and where to report for the workshop.”

“Thank you again, Ms. Grayson,” Mr. Blythe said as he stood.

“You are quite welcome, Mr. Blythe. I wish you the best of luck.”