Lazy hazy fucked up days

Millie drifted slowly back to consciousness and stretched sensually, feeling the smooth touch of satin sheets beneath her, the cool material caressing her skin, she could almost imagine the small ripples to be fingers roaming languidly up her leg, massaging the soft flesh of her inner thigh.

"HUH!!... satin sheets!!... wait a bloody minute, I don't have satin sheets and they're not ripples, they are fingers!!. Christ, where the hell did I end up last night? and who with? and more importantly did they get their end up!!."

Millie lay still, her hung-over brain trying to remember what she had done last night.

She vaguely remembered being at the opening night of Cassies exhibition, drinking copious amounts of free cheap wine, smoking too many joints and snorting a shit load of coke.
And then...then... "oh bloody hell brain, come on wake up!, nope not happening, oh fucking great! my brains decided it wants to play hide and seek, brain hides all memories of the night before and I have to go seek!.  "Okay brain, we'll play it your way, but i'm telling you now, you don't come through with the goodies i'm gonna go out tonight and fuck you up so bad you won't be able to play hide and seek, because you wont be able to fucking remember either!".

"Okay, step one, went to jenny's and got ready...and if I may say so myself, I looked good, no change that, I looked damn good, good enough to eat, I wonder if I did get eaten, and if I did, did I enjoy it? hmm, anyway, I was wearing a little black number, quite demure from the front but from the back, well, let's just say there wasn't any back and the fact I had a cheeky little dimple just at the top of my right buttock was no longer a secret, mind you, the fact that i've had friendly getting to know you kind of shags with half the contacts in my address book has made sure my dimple isn't that big a secret. "I'd used enough hairspray to single handedly destroy the ozone layer and so much make-up I made Coco the Clown look positively au-natural!, I'd also found these wonderful little knickers...well... not quite so little... that were guaranteed to squeeze my size 14 arse into a pert size 12 bottom while at the same time taking my doughball of a stomach and turning it into a flat...well flattish..pancake, I mean what more could a girl want from a pair of knickers!.. well, one thing, but even I think it's asking a bit much to expect a pair of knickers to slap a man's hand and say no...bloody hell, I can imagine it now, hand sneaking under the gusset of my knickers and being assaulted by a righteous piece of knicker elastic!, anyway I digress, back to hide and seek".

"Step 2
I remember jenny making the Mother-fucker of all joints while I cut up two healthy lines of coke... can coke ever be described as healthy? had a few glasses of voddy, then a few more followed by a few more lines of coke...hmmm, already becoming clear why things aren't clear, anyway, left jenny's and got a cab to Berties wine bar...probably could have flown we were so bloody high!.. and met up with Declan and Bob".

"AHA, could I be satin sheet sharing with Duracell Declan? , so named because his dick just goes on and on and on, I mean this guy is loaded, and I don't mean his wallet!". "No, scratch that idea, if I'd been shagging Duracell Declan I would definitely remember, I would also be red raw and throbbing, and I'm not!, definitely not in bed with Bob, best buddy, shoulder to cry on port in a storm Bob!, I mean anyone can shag you senseless...if they're any good!...  but not just anyone can be a best bud".  okay, first round to the brain".

Step 3
"The four of us left Berties and went to Pumpernickles munchie house to meet up with the rest of our motley crew, Harriet, Susie. Penny and John, now I know it isn't john, he's more your meat and two veg kind of guy if you know what I mean!, Pumpernickles is a drug and alcohol abusers munchie paradise, whatever your fucked-up taste buds need, you can be guaranteed to find some warped combination to satisfy them". I had my particular favourite, banana wrapped in ham and cooked in a cheese sauce, that little combination is certain to stun even the most stubborn taste bud into submission, leaving you free to drink the most noxious of drinks, I mean, who drinks Mescal before rendering every taste bud unconscious first?"

Step 4
We left Pumpernickles and walked...well...staggered... to Primrose Street where the exhibition was being held, It was being held in the prestigious Cobalt Towers, hostess of the evening, Bridget Cobalt, Bridget is five foot eight with a face and figure that only plastic surgery and liposuction can achieve, a cash register for a heart a sense of humour by-pass and more front than Jordan! I mean honestly,  Bridget has never liked me, not since I joked that she was more frigid than the polar bear that lived on a certain mint, as I said, no sense of humour, I had thought that was quite funny!!, the look on her face when she saw us was definitely not welcoming, if it wasn't for the fact that I knew people that she wanted to know I would not be here, all invitations would be sent out with the message... no Millies allowed...especially  that fat arsed ginger haired freckly one... not that my arse is that fat, size 12/14, but if you can't squeeze into a size 8/10 thong you're considered a fully fledged member of the fat arse brigade, Considering the state we were in we thought it would be safer to mingle on the other side of the room, which was luckily the side the bar was on, we air kissed and ooh darlinged our way across the room emptying the waiters trays on the way, sat down at the bar and then..then...Damn! it's no good I can't remember any more I'm going to have to open my eyes and look", please dear God let him be tall dark handsome and rich, not small fat ugly and poor, not that I would normally require my shagging partner to be all these things, but a girl would like to know that when her sobriety levels go down her standards don't go down as quickly as her knickers!".  Millie gingerly peeped one eye open and quietly turned her head around to look at whoever was lying beside her, aaaaarrrrggghhh!!, Jesus Christ!! I must still be wasted, this cannot be happening, I do not believe this!!".