My thougths on turning forty

I've been waiting to turn forty for, well... forty years.

When I was younger I was so afraid of getting old. My best friend and I made a pack at the ripe old age of fourteen, that when we got 'old' we were going to kill ourselves together, as to avoid the old folks home. We were going to do it like Johnny! Ya know, Johnny from Bad Company's 'Shooting Star'. Well maybe you don't. We had decided that come thirty, we were doomed. That we did not want to be in a home, running the halls in a wheel chair looking for our teeth! No, that would be just to much to bare. Also, by then we would of done most all there is to do in life, there for why wait for death.

My how foolish we can be at the very mature age of fourteen.

At the wiser (barely) age of twenty-five we called off our plan of self imposed death. Johnny didn't seem as wise as we once thought he was.

Thru out my late twenties and very early thirties the idea of turning forty still bothered me. Not sure why. Maybe in the back of my mind I thought at that moment, the dawn of my fortieth birthday, the fountain of youth would just dry up.

Starting around my thirty-fifth birthday I began to get excited about the prospect of turning forty. Me,being Me, I began to over think the reason behind my change of heart. I decided I felt as if something great was going to happen in my life once the magical day came. I had even, much to the dismay of my husband, mother and sister, decided that maybe, just maybe I was going to die. That my 'excitement' was coming from my spirit, you know, being excited to finally be going home.

Well, let me tell you, I'm happy to report that this is not being written from beyond the grave.

I do how ever feel different. Better. Happier. Solid. I have some goals, things I've wanted to do forever. There has always been a reason why I've not been able to do them. Work, kids, money, family.... just life stuff getting in the way. But I'm in a different place in my life now and many of those goals, some desires, are in my field of view. Some are being met now.

I'm really looking forward to what I hope is,at the very least, another forty years. Another forty years to grow, to learn, to laugh and most of all to Love.