A poem about my mother

My mom never liked me she said I looked just like her.
My mother always said I should die and said my creation was a blurr.
One day I asked my mother about her thoughts on god, she told me
do not change your mind just keep moving on.
One day I said mother can you and I be friends, she said she hated who I was, and would never
love me again. I ALWAYS thought my mother was so strong and beautiful. I wanted to be
educated just like her. She was smart, and witty she always had game.
She would not let me mimic her beautiful attributes the same.

One day I said mom I love you even though you want to see me dead
momma I love you please stop seeing me as dread. My momma was almost always
angry although she ALWAYS played cool. It bothered me cause we could never
have a honest conversation to establish the rules. So of course when I would break the rules
as a youngster and a teen all she could remember were those moments in between.
The times I disappointed her, the times I made her mad, the times she said she hated me
because I was just like my dad. I still loved her and all I wanted was her love in return.
To be able to let down my guard and not be burned. Almost every time I set out to let my mother
in
she would always start off nice as pie until I disappointed her again.
She never took the time to see how she may have disappoint me.
She could not nature me, her heart was always closed
only time she showed she cared was when I did what she told.
My mother was swift with her thinking and in her mind
but she always called me stupid when I made mistakes and let me fall on my behind.
I would come to her for advice because I lived in a world I did not know
she would always answer with honey I gotta go.


Momma I do care and I wanted to please you,
you told me be my own women there was nothing left you could do.
Momma when you set me free out on my journey
All I could think of was how you and my family saw me.
Worthless, stupid, hated not deserving of your time
All I ever wanted to do was please you most of the time
Remember when we spoke about kids, the rainbow and their light
I felt so connected to you and you said it was not alright
Remember when I got pregnant and the daddy let me alone
you said well thats what you get for trying to be all grown
Momma I never understood the world the way you did,
But from the very moment of my birth I always tried to be your best kid.
Nothing I did was ever your worth and so I finally agreed
to devalue myself and let the world consume me in greed
because of fear and not knowing my worth.

Momma I wish you could have looked past your
anger and straight into my eyes,
cause if you ever really did you would see I never wanted to lie.
Momma I lied about not being scared,
I lied about being okay with things not being fair.
Momma I lied about not caring if you didn't care about me.
Momma all I wanted to do was be the best
that I could be.
One day you called and pointed out my insecurities
and that mom was the most love
I had ever received.
Momma I never wanted to disappoint you,
I always wanted to be great, I knew I could not fill your
shoes nor did I want to try cause I knew that I would loose.
Momma you are gifted, talented and beautiful in my eyes
Momma please continue to grow and let down your disguise.
Momma please do not be so quick to judge
every one is not like you so just please show them love.
Momma please hold on to your heart no one outside
can take it from you even as your tears are dried.
You know how to be royal even though inside you are blue.
Momma in secret I admire you royal and savvy ways
I hope you see it as a chance to pass down the knowledge of days.
Momma when you look at me truthfully what do you see.
I hope my daughter's one day can look at me with the
same respectfully.
I hope they can see me as the shero I know you are.
I hope that I can be strength for them
and carry them so far.
This is how I see you mom you are my shooting star.