Dear Jennifer

Dear Jennifer



I'm sorry, yes i've said it to you a million times but I am really sorry, I don't know how it happened well yes I do. I'm weak not weak in a phsycal sense but in a mental sense I had such a good thing, you and I threw it all away and for what Becky? As mistakes go I confess this was my biggest to hurt and make you feel bad was never in my thoughts I mean we weren't even going though a rocky patch at the time, life was good.



However as you rightly yelled at me it wasn't just sex with Becky it wasn't a late night office romp or a druken mistaken one night stand. I sought Becky, I met her online a few years ago before we met and I was beaten and broken from my last girlfriend and she was a shoulder to cry on. yes it was just email's but I needed a woman to like me at that point in my life and after Laura took my proposal and threw it back in my face and my Mom cheating with another man before Dad had barely spent 24 hours 6 feet under left me hurt and alone and sure a woman could never love me. Becky did she made me feel ok she told me to forget the past and yes we met up 6 months after first meeting and we fucked, neither of us had sex in a while so I went to her hometown and we fucked several times but that was before we met.



I kept in contact with Becky after we met, i should have told you but after sleeping together Becky was no longer my support or angel, she was the devil, the evil voice in my ear bringing up such evil, dirty fantasies. I had already had a lot of the same fantaies that she did making it fun to waste time and work trading email's taking about dirty things, distracting each other from the day to day grind. She was the one how really brought out my love in bondage and it would be wrong of me to say that time i used those silk neck ties on you, tying you down and making love to you all night was not after lots of talk and verbal pushing from Becky. I didn't think you would understand her, I love you but in the bedroom you are straght laced no sick little doors, no mindfield of odd cute fetishes you are kinda empty of that all which fueled my friendship with Becky because we think so much alike.



And she would talk and beg for things that you would never do I cheated on you the first time when Becky came up and visted when you were away with your sister. i didn't know Becky was coming she came to me begging and pleading for me to take her anal virginty and I was weak and couldn't help myself. I regretted it, in our own bed where we spend so much time, the bed me and you picked out and now I was taking this 23 year old girl's anal cherry on top of it, I had to get rid of those purple sheets months later everytime I looked at them I saw Becky's face as I was fucking her and the guilt was killing me. I should have told you opened up and been honest but you would have left me and I didn't want that, I only lied because I loved you so much, you leaving would have killed me in fact even now it's killing me. The pain of not seeing your face, your laugh, even that slight limp you have when you are forced to run, that riding accident as a child that you never fulled healed from, I miss all that, I miss it so much.



After coming down and fucking for a second time Becky was taking more control over me, I won't lie and say I wasn't doing the same to her, I though it was just sex now between us and I was wrong. the night she came down she had spilt up with her boyfriend and after we fucked she poured her heart out to me like I had to her nearly a year before. Now we were connected by more than just sex, We both needed each other, we both knew things, emotions and feelings we could never tell to anyone else. Both of us had seen the other at the very bottom of our lives, at a point of near no return and both helped bring the other back away from the dim dark veil so we had something. The times I spent staring at my email waiting for her, it was driving me mad and I started taking it out on you and I am very sorry. Rougher and rougher sex was taking hold, Becky fueling my lusts after I told her she used her hold over me to drive me deeper into the abyss.



I know I am dammed forever more for hitting you, I can never and will never fogive myself, I lost control and you nearly lost your vision and I was driven to the edge. Why you stayed with me after that I don't know, most of my friends thought it was fear but I know it was love, I know you needed me just as much as I needed you and taking a punch to prove your love was yor way of showing how much I ment to you. Becky wanted more we were talking every day trading picture, fantaises, it was all going to far but i couldn't stop it. She was bringing home younger woman, binding them up nearly torturing them but bringing them so much pleasure. Every picture and video I saw of it made me howl with lust and longing, Becky would always finish the fuck sessions with a big punch to the girl's right eye fucking it up just like I did to you.



I never wanted any of the other girls all I wanted was you, I always saw you in the harness, being spanked, moaning and screaming for what semed like hours on edge. After one of those vids I always fucked you hard reliving those moments Becky showed me, We both opened up so many amazing doors for each other and I am so thankful to have met her but i'm so sorry you had to find us that day and I so very sorry for what you had to see I hope you can forgive me one day my beautiful angel RIP.



Phil