Theres just somethin about her....

PLZ READ AND I NEED FEEDBACK/ADVICE THANK YOU!!! When the word love comes into your mind what image comes along? is it your first kiss, your highschool sweetheart, the most intimate moments you had with someone, or just that someone who just understood you and needed you because they love you; not the other way around. Now it would only be fitting for me to give a despcription of this girl and me so anyone who reads this gets a good mental image throught this piece and understands my point of view. Her name is alicia, she stands at five feet five inches, shoulder length dark brown hair, brown eyes, only about 110lbs and a smile that would drop a grown man to his knees. Now for me, im 5' 11" 185, dark hair, hazel eyes, and i would like to think i do alrite at taking care of my body and maintain a good look. Now for my dilema. I met alicia when i was a junior in highschool, she was a freshman. i had trnsfered into her web design class because i needed an art credit and im not to bad with computer coding so i gave it a try. I didnt think much of her when i first met her, she was acctually a little bit annoying at first but a nice girl and i was always up for making new friends, now in those days i was 240 to 250 lbs, i wasnt much to look at then but i played football so it was "acceptable". I sat next to alicia and soon became a friend with her and started to have a liking twords her. she soon went to one of my games and watched me play and i started to fall. the way she showed how true and genuine she was made me that way. i had never met someone that wore her heart on her sleave like she does. adn thats what i look for, someone that isnt afraid to be themselves. i then eventually followed suit and asked her out. i was rejected but that didnt stop me, then next was homecoming dance; again shot down; winter formal same stiry, prom, nothing, i soon started to lose hope but i would never forget her, but then she started dating a boy i didnt like so much, and they didnt stop dating for a long time, she evenetually moved to another school a couple towns over, and i soon gave up hope, i knew it would b impossible to find another girl like her and i did try dating other people. one girl lasted about 8 months and a few barely a month. but she stuck out i my mind whenever i saw her name on facebook or in a conversation or even occasionally at a football game. but i knew i had no shot ever again.
Fast forward to the end of senior year, im about to graduate, im going in the airforce. now im still pretty big about 250, nobody though i could drop the 70 lbs i needed to sign with the airforce. i was very determined to prove them wrong. i hit the gyum ran everywhere and worked as hard as i could for about 3 to 4 months to drop the weight, and i succeded. Now my little brother is in highschool were i went and he plays football. so i go to the game and who sees me there but alicia. i swear i could have done a backflip because i new that had to have been a sign for me to ask her out. she then saw how good i looked and we eventually hit it off and had a date planned. till there was a hiccup. a friend of mine liked her and was supposed to go on a date and i had no idea of this so i said ok shes yours go ahead. i went home feeling very depressed because i though things might acctually happen but nothing again, just my luck. but i soon got a phone call from my friend saying hey go ahead and go out with her i dont want to date her. So i capitalized on the offer and took her to the movies and it was by far the best time i had. i was so nervouse at first but just her personality helped me be myself and i dropped something on the floor of the car and we both reached for it and touched hands, but she didnt let go afterwords and i felt amazing at that moment, I was finally holding her hand. she then procedded to tell me she thought i was cute and that she would love a second date with me, i felt like a fat kid just won a trip to a all you can eat cupcake buffet. we then got to the movies and grabbed our seats at the top of the theater were nobody was. we then sat and talked for a good 10 minutes and i had said " you know i would love to kiss you right now but its only the first date so i dont expect one" and before i could finish the scentence she already had her lips against mine and it felt like an eternity had passed but time had also slowed down and things got quiet. i instanly had memories of why this girl meant so much to me in the first place. i cant tell you what the movie was about or even what the name was because me and her never let our eyes ( or lips for the most part) leave eachother. i sat there and got lost in her eyes. the movie was soon over and we had a quiet but nice car ride home. simply holding hands and the ocassional glance with a huge smile.
the next day my friend who gave me permission calls me all mad and bothered. he says i stole her but i cleary stated that he gave me an oppertunity and that we had a nice time and i was going to continue seeing her. he soon was not a friend anymore. but that night i went over her house and we had a great time just cuddling and kissing and holding eachothe like it was the last time we would. the next few weeks went the same till i soon started to lose trust in her. it seemed like she was avoiding me and that she was losing interest in me. i was soon becoming depressed and started to become the crazy boyfriend that called a million times and never stopped texting her. i couldnt stop thinking about her and that feeling that she was going to slip though again was starting to tear at my heart. one day i just snapped and some names were said that shouldnt have been. about an hour later i realized what i did. i broke down, i have never cried over a girl but this was different, i have never had this feeling twords someone and i didnt like it, iwanted that happiness back, a week went by and things never goit better, she said she wanted to work things out and eventually we did just about a week ago. i love this girl very much and i want all the trust in the world with her. but i feel that after what i did ill never have all of her trust andd that shell go behind my back and try to hurt me. i dont wan that. i feel shes talking to her ex ( the boy she dated that i didnt like) and she did hang out with the boy i had an argument with over her during the week me and her werent together. she told me that the day we got back together and at that point it didnt bother me because i just wanted her back in my arms so i let it blow by me...now fast foward to today...weve seen eachother the past three days and its been great. but today we couldnt hang out and she then started to slowly not respond to me. now i dont no what to make of the situation because i know shes talking to her ex because its all over facebook and she doesnt want to hang out with me one day because one of her friends doesnt like me and her friend doesnt want me to have my arm around her. now i dont no what to say to this but i feel like the whole cycle is starting over again and i have the thought in my mind to leave this girl but i dont have the heart to do it....plz anyone wh read through this whole thing i would like some feedback and advice...any at all im at a loss here and nobody reallly knows how to help me no matter how hard they try...plz and thank you to any feedback.