Letting Go

A small sigh escapes Lindsey’s lips as she sits with her friends at their usual pub. Lindsey is beginning to grow tired of the same scene, same people who claim to be her friends. She surveys everyone sitting around the table. “These people know nothing about me, how can I call them friends?” she wonders. Lost in her own thoughts she doesn’t hear Michelle ask her a question. Rick elbows her in the ribs as Lindsey snaps out of her daydream, slightly abashed she chuckles to hide her embarrassment. Michelle asked again “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

“Oh, ummm.. just going to go to my parents place, you know… haven’t seen them for awhile…” her voice trails off trying to justify her reason for wanting to go to her parents place. Carolyn chimes in “sounds like fun, I wish I had somewhere to go.” Murmurs of agreement went around the table. Before Lindsey realized what she was saying it was too late “Well you could all come back to my folks place. They won’t mind, they’ve wanted to meet you guys for awhile.” Everyone around the table agreed. By the end of the night it was settled in two days time, they’ll take the early train to Thunder Bay to enjoy Thanksgiving with Lindsey and her parents. The days flew by and before Lindsey realized it she was meeting everyone at Union Station. On the train, lost in thought yet again, Lindsey kept recalling the conversation she had with her mom over and over again. Her mom was excited to have her friends up, but was taken aback when Lindsey asked if she would hide her photos from when she was younger.

“Why? Are you ashamed? Are you not proud of where you come from? Or how much weight you’ve lost even?”
“Not ashamed Mom and yes I am proud. I just don’t think they’d understand; my friends seem to be a little superficial.”
“Well, they’re your friends and will love you no matter what you looked like in the past.”

“Right mom.” With a sigh Lindsey hung up the phone, shaking her head at how naïve her mom can be.
Coming back to reality she realized they were almost there and the butterflies she had been fighting were starting to win. “Maybe I shouldn’t have opened my mouth” Lindsey thought. Trying to calm herself down she kept repeating what her mom told her “they’re your friends and will love you…”

Lindsey wondered if she was being too cynical and maybe this will be a good opportunity for her friends to get to know her better. While the idea sounded good, she knew there will be judgment. The conductor announced their final stop. Taking a deep breath Lindsey stood up, gathered her things and her friends followed suit. Stepping off the train breathing in the crisp northern air, a twinge of loneliness settled in. She missed it here. Looking around a smile spread across her face as she saw her father. She ran and gave him a big hug. Her friends ambled up and introductions were made. They piled into the station wagon and made their commute. Her butterflies faded slightly at the sight of her home. Settled on two acres of land the Victorian style home was her magic castle, her safe haven. As she entered the front doors and the smell of turkey filled her nose. She saw her mom and gave her a hug. More introductions were made and then they were off being escorted to the guest bedrooms for a time to relax and unwind before dinner. After a little nap Lindsey got up and as she headed downstairs she heard whispers. As she got closer to the bottom she recognized Michelle and the girls, stifling laughs and whispers. Lindsey assumed they were laughing at her, tears sprang to her eyes and she knew she had to say something. Taking a deep breath and rounding the corner she could feel her cheeks turning red. She saw the girls sitting on a couch looking through an old family photo album. “Yes, okay, so I was overweight when I was younger, so what?” Michelle looked confused and shocked. Looking down at the photo album then at the other girls she didn’t know what to say. She turned to face Lindsey and look directly into her eyes, Lindsey saw something she had never noticed before, was it compassion? She shook her head.
“Lindsey sweetie, your mom just told us a story about how you tried to rescue a kitten in a tree but you were the one that needed rescuing. She showed us this picture of you stuck in the tree.” Lindsey looked down at her feet “oh, yeah that was a funny story, sorry”.

“Don’t be sorry Linds. Are you worried about our reaction because you used to be fat?

“Maybe…I don’t know”

“Lindsey we don’t care what you looked like before or now, we want to get to know you.”

“Really?”

Lindsey sat down beside Michelle and decided it was time to unload all her worries and insecurities, starting with how embarrassed she was because she thought her friends were superficial.

Breathing a huge sigh of relief Lindsey began to cry. Her mom was right, again and at dinner that night, she truly enjoyed the company and the food.

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