Tears

Tear tracks run down my face,
Like raindrops run down my window,
I love this weather,
The rain hides my tears.
This is the only way I can get away with crying.
Crying is the way I let go of my anger.
Towards him, her, all of it.
I should be happy.
I have him, my world.
He brightens up my life...
But his heart is somewhere else.
I need him right now, to hold me tight.
Tell me its going be alright.
'They're not worth it, it's not worth your tears.'
That's all I need. He's all I need.
Who cares if I cry. People have the choice to ignore me.
Half the time my tears aren't even because I'm upset.
They're because I'm furious and it's easier to cry then to scream.
Which is all I really want to do.
Scream and scream and scream until my lungs give out.
Crying is a healthy way to release anger, so I've been told.
But I get accused of so many things. And it really hurts.
I feel unsafe in my own body.
Like I can't control my emotions. Let alone how I show them.
Sure, it's easier to put on a smile. Say every things okay.
But that would be a lie.
You can't be true to yourself if you go around saying 'I'm fine.'
I say I'm okay to protect you, all of you.
And I get shut down and called a sponge ;)
I really can't win in this life.
I'm honest and I get shut down.
I lie and I get shut down.
Be sure of your emotions before messing with mine.
Please don't make anyone feel the way I do right now.
Not in control of my own body or emotions.

It kills.